Divorce because I betrayed her trust - THREAD 2

[Ready2Change]

She picked 3 agents. You pick the one you like. If you don't like any of the three then you pick three new ones you like, she picks one.


This is how the lawyers do it.


Simple negotiation. If you need mediation, then you find three, give her the contact info, she picks one.


Don't make this complicated.


Easier when you get along. Keep adding new options, until you both find one that works for both of you. Do you want to go get pizza with me? Dinner with you sounds good, I would prefer burgers. I had burgers last night, how about tacos? Sounds great. Perfect.

[DaB35]

Neither of us are using lawyers. In the UK you don't actually need to use any unless one of you contests/fights for a significant reason (e.g. lots of money involved, or kids). The whole process can be done behind the scenes - you don't even have to attend court.
I don't want to pick any of these agents. As I said, her choice to sell up and split.

[DaB35]

Journal

Nice weekend overall.
Saw my sister on Sunday - we went ot a food festival and had a lovely afternoon walking the dog round town.

Have been working on a big music arrangement project (not paid, just doing something as part of GAL) and have finished it this evening.

Have not heard from W at all apart from text Saturday morning thanking me for the work I did for her some months ago (see previous page in this thread). Hasn't chased me to provide house sale info yet.

I haven't really thought about her as much as I used to, to be honest. I do feel like I'm carrying less emotional weight around now. It is a very strange situation. I haven't forgotten my M of course, but I can't sit in a dark room wallowing in self-pity. I have to GAL!

Got a few nights out planned next week, including a work night out on Thursday and seeing best mate from school on Wednesday.

I miss her sometimes, but I'm working on improving me. Doing things for me. These days I'm thinking "I am not a bad man. I lost my way and didn't ask for assistance. I am getting that assistance now. I am a good person. I am good relationship material. If my W wants to fire me as H, and not try to reconcile, then it is her loss."

So overall, things are going well really, considering!!

[DS9]

Journal

So overall, things are going well really, considering!!

Good stuff Dan

[DaB35]

Update

Got a text from W today:

"There are some important looking letters that have arrived for you. Should we maybe have a chat later or meet up? We really need to sort putting the house on the market ASAP. Apparently houses don't sell past October, so this is the time to do it really. I'm anxious to not live on my own anymore, it's very lonely."


I kind of think, "well that was YOUR decision to live alone, and YOUR decision to sell and YOUR decision to get a D!"

Have no idea how to respond to this. Help!

[DS9]

This is what I’d say Dan

Thanks W I appreciate you’re anxious to move forward with selling the house. I’m quite jammed with other commitments though so I’m happy to leave the organisation of listing in your hands. My preferred agent is x. Let X recommend a listing price that we can agree on. Keep me posted please. I’ll then communicate with our agent directly once one has been appointed.
Please Leave my mail at xyz and I’ll collect thanks for letting me know. Cheers d35

[DaB35]

I do at some point need to go to the house to collect other items anyway as i need them for work.

Should I email her my agents' summary of overall costs, then suggest we meet at the weekend to go through stuff?

I'm a bit nervous about how to respond to be honest. I assume I should make it clear that she should take the lead with selling - or is that not wise? I have a preferred agent.

I hate the thought of losing our beautiful house. I don't want to lose it.

Shall I mention about her living alone being her choice? There are so many things I want to say but think I shouldn't!

[DaB35]

Shall I say "I'm very busy this week - so maybe email might be quicker/easier than meeting face to face." ?

Or should I meet face to face to appear confident and happy and in a 'GAL' mood?

[DS9]

Hey mate. I wouldn’t say anything about all this being because of her choice. If you have to I used to use ‘this is the reality of your decision ‘. That’s as far as I could push back with my XW as she could be an absolute monster. It all depends how hard hearted your w is

Say you’ll meet her directly later this week to discuss. That’ll buy you time to think and compose yourself. Dress nice, slim fit clothes, new cologne etc and pump iron in the meantime!

When you meet up buy more time by saying you’re looking at refinancing house over to you and your enquiries are taking longer than you expected.

Dunno your role dynamic during the M. Did you do the organisation and carrying out of these types of major issues?

[Vapo]

I f I were a betting man, I'd be willing to put up a few quid on the idea, that your W is polishing someone else's bishop. And is using your "transgression" to justify the divorce and to shame you into giving in to all her demands.

Sorry to be blunt, but I call it as I see it.