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A Message from Michele
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Re: Moving soon [Re: CWarrior] #2865366
09/15/19 01:46 PM
09/15/19 01:46 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 525
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kas99 Offline OP
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kas99  Offline OP
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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Dear Kas, I know Iím just writing one-liners, but Iím reading all you write. Great job!


I'm just grateful someone is popping in just in case there is an actual question in all this rambling.

As soon as S19 gets up I'm going to get him to scan those documents asap to the property owner. I want a house. I want quiet, I want privacy, I want space. I don't want to live in an apartment. I don't want to fight for parking. I don't like lots of people.

This is hard but I keep thinking about what everyone says here. Those thoughts don't help me do they? I can dwell on the past or I can focus on the here and now. The past hurts the present keeps me moving forward.

Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2865371
09/15/19 03:03 PM
09/15/19 03:03 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 525
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kas99 Offline OP
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kas99  Offline OP
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Posts: 525
Moving questions:

Financial records what do I need to keep besides divorce documents? I'd rather take too much than not enough. I've pulled out all the important things like tax returns, life insurance policies, paycheck stubs, etc but there is still paper left. I have a 2 drawer filing cabinet and several boxes. I can just move the boxes but what do I need out of the filing cabinet. Should I just put it all in a box and take it? I won't withhold anything I just prefer to organize it myself.

At the moment WAH doesn't appear to be thinking about the actual process of divorce. He's not a planner he just jumps into things without thinking it through. I suspect once he realized that getting a D isn't easy he put it in the "I'll deal with that later" pile. For now I think he's okay with a separation. He's away from me and it buys him time to figure this out.

Last edited by kas99; 09/15/19 03:04 PM.
Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2865378
09/15/19 05:52 PM
09/15/19 05:52 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 525
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kas99 Offline OP
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kas99  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2019
Posts: 525
So Iím packing today. Itís not bad because I donít have much stuff. Originally I was going to walk away from everything but now that Iím working hard to get a house I wonít have to. So now Iím going through the attic for the 3rd time. I even decided to take half of the luggage set. If I get a good settlement I could afford small trips.

At first this was sad but it dawned on me that Iíve already been living this way for 6 months all that is changing is my address. One kid will live with him but Iíve worked that out in my head. If S19 lives with him he will come over for food. If D14 lives with him (her choice so far) she will get lonely. Teenagers vote with their feet so how much I see them will be up to them. Itís looking like we will live 8 minutes apart so going back and forth will be easy.

That house is smaller but learning to live with less is life changing. I read other threads and itís preached to do the exact opposite of what youíve always done. Now that Iím on new meds this has been the easiest part of this process. If I get this house WAH is going to be stunned. Iím stunned.

I have social anxiety and I actually reached out to that property owner. Iím fighting for this house and I never fight for anything. Anxiety stopped me from talking to people. Now? Omg i ask for help, I answer the door, answer texts, the phone, stupid things that most people take for granted.

Well off to take a load to storage. A truck would be nice right about now. My boss offered to loan me his but that seemed weird so I declined. Nice to know people care.

Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2865396
09/15/19 09:56 PM
09/15/19 09:56 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 525
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kas99 Offline OP
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kas99  Offline OP
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I got the house!!!!!

I told D14 and she about fainted because this is so not like me. lol The look on her face was priceless. She said she'd have to tell WAH. True but she said she'd wait until it was 100% a done deal first.

D14 said WAH would have to one up me. Also true so she started looking for rental houses for him. Her logic is he's working a 2nd job so he can afford more. Yeah good luck with that. He also has no idea what it's like out there. We always rented (or bought) high end so very little competition. I'm also the one who researches everything. In this price range/decent house/neighborhood it's a race to see who can click the fasted. I lost one house in an hour.

I haven't seen the inside of this house yet just pictures which scares the crap out of me. I haven't signed a lease yet but anything is better than an apartment.

Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2865432
09/16/19 03:16 AM
09/16/19 03:16 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,204
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DejaVu6 Offline
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Congratulations Kas!!! Hope it turns out to be a great deal for you!!! Take your boss up on his offer if you need help. People donít offer to help you unless they want to. smile


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2865438
09/16/19 05:01 AM
09/16/19 05:01 AM
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 170
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DS9 Offline
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DS9  Offline
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Hey Kas

Good luck with everything and congrats on the house.

I'd keep all the paperwork for now, then sift and discard at a less hectic time.

Cheers, DS


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2865459
09/16/19 12:22 PM
09/16/19 12:22 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 525
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kas99 Offline OP
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kas99  Offline OP
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I'm gathering all of WAH's paychecks stubs to give to my attorney. His income shot up Jan 2019 so that was around the time he got serious about leaving me. He's a stupid man though because those paychecks will affect how much he has to pay me in child support and alimony.

Makes sense now why he was traveling all the time. I didn't stand a chance.

D14 is pushing him to get a better house than me otherwise she's living with me. I won't be in the school district so that backs him into a corner. Either he keeps the job he has, rents a pricey house, or moves into the crappy apartment (in the school district).

Unlike him I have no qualms transferring the kids to another school. This is just another consequence of divorce and this is what he wanted. I have no choice but to play the cards I've been dealt.

Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2865465
09/16/19 12:40 PM
09/16/19 12:40 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,279
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AnotherStander Offline
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AnotherStander  Offline
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Originally Posted by kas99
I feel guilty. He wants to pay me 20% which is child support only.

He finally answered my email. My attorney is starting out negotiating for 50%. He does not know this yet. I originally asked for 33%. He got angry so I took it back. We then discussed 23% but now heís dropping it again.


I don't know why that makes you feel guilty. You're too emotionally invested to understand right now what is "fair", so step back and let your lawyer sort it out. That's what they are there for, to take the emotions out of the proceedings.

Quote
I still want to nice him back.


You want to TRY to nice him back. You can't actually do it, it never works. And trying only makes you look needy and desperate.

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Financial records what do I need to keep besides divorce documents?


I agree with DS9, keep everything you're not sure about. After the D is over then you can purge unneeded papers.

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I got the house!!!!!


Awesome, congrats!

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D14 said WAH would have to one up me. Also true so she started looking for rental houses for him. Her logic is he's working a 2nd job so he can afford more. Yeah good luck with that.


Don't concern yourself with what kind of place H gets and whether it's nicer, or not as nice or whatever. Doesn't matter. Focus on you and the kids. Don't be that cliche' couple that's always trying to one-up each other to impress the kids and "teach each other a lesson".


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Moving soon [Re: AnotherStander] #2865471
09/16/19 01:16 PM
09/16/19 01:16 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 525
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kas99 Offline OP
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kas99  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2019
Posts: 525
I was wrong he's been planning to leave me for well over a year.

Quote
I don't know why that makes you feel guilty. You're too emotionally invested to understand right now what is "fair", so step back and let your lawyer sort it out. That's what they are there for, to take the emotions out of the proceedings.


I feel so stupid. My attorney must think I'm stupid. I tried to lower his income out of guilt and she practically screamed at me via email. I responded to her today and told her to do what she needed to do. Please pray she doesn't fire me

Quote
You want to TRY to nice him back. You can't actually do it, it never works. And trying only makes you look needy and desperate.


I feel like an idiot. I just 30 minutes ago realized he's been lying to me this whole time. He's used my neediness against me. I want to cry.

Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2865473
09/16/19 01:27 PM
09/16/19 01:27 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,279
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AnotherStander Offline
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AnotherStander  Offline
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Originally Posted by kas99
I feel so stupid. My attorney must think I'm stupid. I tried to lower his income out of guilt and she practically screamed at me via email. I responded to her today and told her to do what she needed to do. Please pray she doesn't fire me


I'm sure she's seen this a thousand times before. The things you are thinking and saying and doing are not at all unusual. Don't be so hard on yourself, this is an emotional whirlwind and you get thrown around all over the place by it. Again, this is why it's good to have a lawyer, she can be the stability you need on the legal side of things.

Quote
I feel like an idiot. I just 30 minutes ago realized he's been lying to me this whole time. He's used my neediness against me. I want to cry.


Why does that make YOU an idiot? That makes HIM an idiot. And again, that's just affirmation that you need to let your lawyer control the legal side. Believe me this ain't her first rodeo.


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
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