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A Message from Michele
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Re: Homeless [Re: crdcheck] #2865105
09/12/19 12:26 PM
09/12/19 12:26 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 542
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kas99 Offline OP
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kas99  Offline OP
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Originally Posted by crdcheck
Is there any reason not to serve him papers?


In May (a month after he left) I had a court date for a separation agreement. My attorney was harsh (said he abandoned the family) I felt bad so I called WAH (yes Iím an idiot). He got served the papers but I let him talk me into canceling the court date. I was trying to nice him back.

I apologized to my attorney and am now trying to get a separation agreement. She has been in contact with his attorney so I guess now we will hash this out between us. Iím upset because she hasnít called me back. She will sheís just busy.

I feel so stupid.

Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2865126
09/12/19 04:20 PM
09/12/19 04:20 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,287
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AnotherStander Offline
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AnotherStander  Offline
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Originally Posted by kas99
Kids and I went out again and found a place that might take my bank statements proving he pays child support. Iíll apply tomorrow.


That should be adequate, my girlfriend has no credit and is self-employed but was able to get a place just based on bank account deposit history.

Quote
So when I move out do I just take what I want since he wonít talk to me? We have no agreement. No court orders. Nothing. I donít want anything but a tv and everything in the kitchen.


Talk to your lawyer about that, it's a legal issue. I think you have to serve him some kind of legal notice that he has until X date to remove his property after which he forfeits the property and any claim to monetary damages due to the loss of it. I would not depend on phone calls or texts for this, again talk to your L but I would think a registered letter is the minimum.


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Moving soon [Re: AnotherStander] #2865130
09/12/19 05:03 PM
09/12/19 05:03 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 542
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kas99 Offline OP
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kas99  Offline OP
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Quote
Talk to your lawyer about that, it's a legal issue. I think you have to serve him some kind of legal notice that he has until X date to remove his property after which he forfeits the property and any claim to monetary damages due to the loss of it. I would not depend on phone calls or texts for this, again talk to your L but I would think a registered letter is the minimum.


I'm moving out first so I'll need to know what I can take.

I'm filling out the paperwork now for my attorney to come up with an alimony number. Trying not to think about what it is that I'm doing to get through this.

Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2865132
09/12/19 05:26 PM
09/12/19 05:26 PM
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Posts: 542
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kas99 Offline OP
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kas99  Offline OP
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Posts: 542
I still want to reconcile. Not with him like this no. Later....years later maybe when he stops hating me. Will he ever stop hating me? I'm aware my mind might have changed by then.

I've read the rocky, somewhat success stories and now that I'm knee deep in it how on earth do couples come back from this? This total mass destruction, financial ruin, depressed, angry kids, even our dog is upset.

How do I wrap my brain around the part where he hates me enough to do this? He's miserable but I read that isn't uncommon. WAS's leave for someone else or live alone doesn't matter. They just trade one set of problems for another. Solves nothing. They might be happy with their new life but not seeing their kids, paying alimony/child support, its a high price to pay for freedom. I know I know why does divorce cost so much? Because its worth it.

Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2865138
09/12/19 06:03 PM
09/12/19 06:03 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,287
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AnotherStander Offline
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AnotherStander  Offline
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Do this- come up with one thing you've wanted to do that you've never tried. Maybe it's painting, or maybe throwing a pot, or knitting, or fusing glass, or cycling, or running a 5K. Just one thing. Then DO IT. Check into local classes and/ or clubs. Join. Set the wheel in motion. You're stuck repeating the same stuff over and over again. Your H hates you. Why would he ever come back. You've read XYZ stories and blah blah blah. NONE OF THAT IS HELPING YOU. Get out. GAL. Quit posting the same stuff that leaves you stuck in a hole. You CAN get out of that hole, you are not a victim!


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Moving soon [Re: kas99] #2865143
09/12/19 06:35 PM
09/12/19 06:35 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 654
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CWarrior Offline
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Hi Kas,

AnotherStanderís 2x4 is wise. Hope your workday goes well.


My partner of 2yrs left and moved away. Three months later we reconciled as a family living separately. She says she's committed to making it work, to try to return home, and to be an 'us' forever.
Oh HAPPY DAY!!!! [Re: kas99] #2865180
09/12/19 11:00 PM
09/12/19 11:00 PM
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Posts: 542
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kas99 Offline OP
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kas99  Offline OP
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***To all the men who got screwed over financially by wives that walked out you have my complete sympathy. This post isn't for you***

Took a half a day off to get an apartment (I was approved) and to fill out the financial declaration for my attorney who finally is taking care of me. She's mean but so is WAH's attorney but at least we are equally matched. She emailed me back what she's going to ask for and OMG!!! Ok I know I'm not going to get that much but It's double what I wanted so I'm going to end up way better off financially than I originally thought. Woo! Hoo!

So lets recap WAH leaves me and our 3 kids after 28 years of marriage. Wants to pay me peanuts on a handshake deal until I show him I can't live on that. He generously offers to "up the amount" and since I was trying to nice him back I act all grateful and compliant. Yes I'm stupid. Back then my attorney told me "don't sign ANYTHING without me looking at it first". Guessing she's seen too many starry eyed women get screwed over like this. WAH pays me money SOME money while he's gone and I am grateful for that too. That money got me the apartment so I'm happy.

Right now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The balance of power just shifted (did you feel it?) lol Suddenly I don't care so much about reconciling with someone who doesn't love me.

Now I'm going to cook dinner for my kids. It's spicy noodle night. I've made it every Thursday night since WAH left. We are making new traditions and he's missing it all. Oh well his loss....

Re: Oh HAPPY DAY!!!! [Re: kas99] #2865187
09/12/19 11:31 PM
09/12/19 11:31 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 654
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CWarrior Offline
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Originally Posted by "kas99"
She emailed me back what she's going to ask for and OMG!!! Ok I know I'm not going to get that much but It's double what I wanted so I'm going to end up way better off financially than I originally thought. Woo! Hoo!

Completely normal. So happy you finally worked that out! My partner gets the majority of her ex's income. That makes sense if your team was "He works, she tends house/kids". With my ex the team was "He works, she works, we both tend house/kids" so no alimony or support.

Last edited by CWarrior; 09/12/19 11:32 PM.

My partner of 2yrs left and moved away. Three months later we reconciled as a family living separately. She says she's committed to making it work, to try to return home, and to be an 'us' forever.
Re: Oh HAPPY DAY!!!! [Re: CWarrior] #2865188
09/12/19 11:56 PM
09/12/19 11:56 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 542
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kas99 Offline OP
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kas99  Offline OP
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Posts: 542
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Originally Posted by "kas99"
She emailed me back what she's going to ask for and OMG!!! Ok I know I'm not going to get that much but It's double what I wanted so I'm going to end up way better off financially than I originally thought. Woo! Hoo!

Completely normal. So happy you finally worked that out! My partner gets the majority of her ex's income. That makes sense if your team was "He works, she tends house/kids". With my ex the team was "He works, she works, we both tend house/kids" so no alimony or support.


Married 28 years, I was a homemaker for 15 of those years. I gave up my lucrative career as a CPA to be a mom. People are shocked when I tell them this but I worked as an accountant for 20 years before I had kids. I got a prestigious internship when I was 18 and quit working when I was 38. I'd be making over double what I make now had I kept working. WAH's income has quadrupled in 15 years.

I know now why his attorney told him not to talk to me. lol

Separation agreement [Re: kas99] #2865196
09/13/19 12:35 AM
09/13/19 12:35 AM
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kas99 Offline OP
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kas99  Offline OP
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This is going to cost me thousands in legal fees. Heís working 2 jobs and saving right now. Makes 3x what I do. I paid $1800 for a retainer and have $4000 in cash saved up. Iíll have to move very frugally.

Last edited by kas99; 09/13/19 12:35 AM.
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