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Hi Unchien,

One policy I made early in my divorce (but didnt announce), worth considering, is I talked to my ex about her concerns during her custody time. I didnt want to feel down or upset or be distracted during my time. It definitely cut down on the time spent discussing her complaints and she was in a better mood those days, maybe also had time to cool down.

Last edited by CWarrior; 09/04/19 08:09 PM.


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What I really want is to continue with the 4-10 but add some time alone with the kids in the middle of the 10. Perhaps an overnight, perhaps even a "pick them up after school, take them to dinner, get them ready for bed, drop them at mom's house".


Tonight is "dinner visit". D17 is coming over after work. Goes back to her mothers at 8:30. Been doing this for years. Next Wednesday, she will go to her mothers house until 8:30.


We have 50/50 split parenting. The exchange is every Friday. Been doing this since D5,S7,S9. Dinner visit was initially Tuesdays, but X claimed that conflicted with her job.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
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Originally Posted by unchien

1. No further MC appointments unless we work on the MR.
2. Adding in some time during the 4-10.
3. Somehow addressing the constant pestering about safety?


Personally,

I would keep the MC focused on co-parenting issues. (As long as the therapist is impartial) It is nice to have a third party help negotiate parenting issues. Once every other week, or once a month.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change

Personally,

I would keep the MC focused on co-parenting issues. (As long as the therapist is impartial) It is nice to have a third party help negotiate parenting issues. Once every other week, or once a month.


Thanks R2C. I agree except that my W tends to turn MC into a referendum on my parenting skills (i.e., complaints) rather than us working together to co-parent better. What we should be talking about is how our kids are adjusting to the changes, etc.

I can't decide if I think the therapist is impartial. Whenever my W raises safety concerns he takes them extremely seriously, no matter how small. I think he plays right into the narrative my W has. On the other hand, he has called out my W for being stuck on her own personal issues which prevent her from working on the MR. I respect that he has a hard edge to his approach, but constantly reinforces my W's safety concerns where I think there are none.

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Originally Posted by unchien


What I really want is to continue with the 4-10 but add some time alone with the kids in the middle of the 10. Perhaps an overnight, perhaps even a "pick them up after school, take them to dinner, get them ready for bed, drop them at mom's house".


Why not bring this up in MC and ask her about this? If she says no, ask why. Her response will tell you whether she is being reasonable or not.

Before actually filing for D, one option is to tell your wife that you will be forced to seek legal action if she does not agree to reasonable custody terms (and 4-10 is only 30% which is more than reasonable). If she does not budge, you have a clearer path forward

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Originally Posted by unchien
Whenever my W raises safety concerns he takes them extremely seriously, no matter how small.


Make your statements show you are concerned about the kids safety as well. Get yourself more educated than W.

Get some parenting books. Let them know you are learning new parenting skills. I really like parenting with love and logic:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2061094#Post2061094


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Originally Posted by unchien

1. No further MC appointments unless we work on the MR.
2. Adding in some time during the 4-10.
3. Somehow addressing the constant pestering about safety?


Personally,

I would keep the MC focused on co-parenting issues. (As long as the therapist is impartial) It is nice to have a third party help negotiate parenting issues. Once every other week, or once a month.



I couldnt disagree more. If you are there for MC, then you need to be working on your marriage. If youre not working on your marriage then its not MC, its coparenting.

My wife uses our MC as coparenting only when shes mad at me or wants to take a jab, but once I let both her and the MC know I wasnt interested in attending for coparenting because I was there for MC, it has calmed down a lot and she decided to start working on our marriage.

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