CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


A Divorce Busting Telephone Coach
can help you save your marriage singlehandedly!
CALL 303-444-7004
or see Coaching Packages online at the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2864116
09/04/19 11:18 PM
09/04/19 11:18 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
D
doodler Offline
Member
doodler  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
Originally Posted by Dawn70
It wasn't pretty, but a W is a W, so I'll take it.


Apparently our loss was due to dehydration. That's plausible because the loss couldn't have been due to poor coaching; what else could it be but dehydration?

Re: Turn the Page [Re: doodler] #2864165
09/05/19 01:42 PM
09/05/19 01:42 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,387
D
Dawn70 Offline OP
Member
Dawn70  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,387
Originally Posted by doodler
Originally Posted by Dawn70
It wasn't pretty, but a W is a W, so I'll take it.


Apparently our loss was due to dehydration. That's plausible because the loss couldn't have been due to poor coaching; what else could it be but dehydration?




I didn't know Bielema had gone to Florida State....I thought some pro team hired him as their defensive coordinator. Hmmmm…………..LOL

Just kidding, but when we had Bielema, he was the same way. Thing was, when they first hired him, because he was a winning coach at Wisconsin, everyone thought he was really going to bring us back to the eras of wins like Lou Holtz and Bobby Petrino (may he forever be cursed for riding that motorcycle with the buxom blond who was NOT his wife! GRRRRR!). Anyway, the problem was that Wisconsin is a Big Ten school not an SEC powerhouse school. Bielema, who himself was a defensive lineman at The Ohio State University was raised in, played in and coached in a conference where defensive players were supposed to be big, huge, meaty guys who could just pound the opposing team's O-line into the ground. That isn't how SEC football works. SEC football, while following a somewhat similar principal, tends to be more of a running/passing game than a nitty gritty ground game. SEC doesn't play smashmouth football like some of the other conferences do, we play run and gun style. So, Bielema's first excuse was the players he was "left with" after the quick demise of John L.'s short-lived head Hog stint, weren't ones that could play his style of football. (What he really meant was "how big a boy are you?" and the answer, at least for him, was not big enough.) So he started recruiting bigger guys and pushing the existing guys to gain weight creating an overall larger D-line who was now much slower than the leftover recruits had been and SEC teams just started wiping the floor with the Hogs because to put it bluntly, they got fat and sloppy. (Now, I'm fat myself, so I'm not casting aspersions on fatness, mind you, but I'm not a scholarship athlete either, so there is a difference.) Anyway, once Bielema's team was padded with his own recruits, the excuse went from being about he was playing with players he didn't recruit and therefore weren't his style to he had to condition his recruits to his style and that took time. Of course, the whole time all of this is going on, Bielema is smiling to the camera and talking about how the next game is really going to be a turning point. The simple fact is, quite frankly, he was outcoached and outplayed and not SEC coaching material. Not that I think he was a bad coach in general, mind you. I heard him speak several times and I do think he cared about his players and that is important. As Arkansas got more fed up with his promises of impending victory and started calling for his head, so to speak (which is kind of common in the Hog nation, because we are SERIOUS about our Hogs), he just got progressively sloppier. The team does the "Hog Walk" into the stadium before game time and walk a path through the crowd of cheerleaders, band members and cheering fans to get a little love and support prior to getting their game faces on. Most coaches have had the young men do the Hog Walk in suits and ties....ready for business, so to speak. Bielema did at first too, but by the middle of his second season, they were Hog Walking in their warm-up clothes...whatever shorts or sweat pants they grabbed off their floor and that is how they looked and that is how it translated in their game play as well. Just plain sloppy...…………..

Anyway, that was a really long way to say, yeah, I get it.....it MUST be dehydration because poor coaching just could not POSSIBLY be the issue.


Me 50, H51
3 adult daughters from XH's first marriage (plus 4 grandkids)
Divorce final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
1 adult daughter and bonus daughter-in-law from current H's first marriage
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2864201
09/05/19 06:33 PM
09/05/19 06:33 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
D
doodler Offline
Member
doodler  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
Originally Posted by Dawn70
So, Bielema's first excuse was the players he was "left with" after the quick demise of John L.'s short-lived head Hog stint, weren't ones that could play his style of football.

That sounds familiar. In our case it was "Jimbo left me with a lousy team" (paraphrased). A statement like that from a head coach seems like it would stifle the players' motivation to get out win games.

Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2864721
09/09/19 04:23 PM
09/09/19 04:23 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,387
D
Dawn70 Offline OP
Member
Dawn70  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,387
I'm feeling SUPER overwhelmed right now and I'm not handling it well. I had a bit of a breakdown Saturday, crying in front of Sparky at the just overwhelming task of getting his house all cleaned out and fixed up and getting me moved in as soon as possible to consolidate bills. It doesn't help that we have family plans to add to the mix every weekend this month. When his grandparents passed and left him the house, he moved all of their stuff that his mom and her sister wanted to go through into the 2 spare bedrooms that he wasn't using and just closed the doors. Well, now, there are 2 rooms full of sh!t to go through and he doesn't really want to let his mom go through it because he knows she'll want to keep a bunch of stuff for no good reason. Keeping pictures and those sorts of things is obviously a no-brainer, but we are talking old dollar store knick knacks and old worn out clothes and that sort of thing, but his mom is a bit of a hoarder. So, we are trying to navigate those waters while deciding what actually needs to be kept. We are also having to do some repairs to get things back into a good condition and it is all taking a little longer than I had hoped.

His house is old, but in decent shape for its age and we look forward to doing little upgrade projects to put out own stamp on it, so I'm trying to focus on that and not feeling so overwhelmed, which doesn't do anyone any good. LOL I know that once we get over the hump and get out from under my house our finances will line out and we'll be in great shape, but the next month or so is going to require some interesting accounting and budgeting skills on both of our parts.

I have ordered a couple of really nice canvas prints to hang in our living room and I have been looking at furniture online to see what I like. His grandmother had 2 beautiful red velvet Queen Anne chairs that he wants to keep. They are not at all my taste, but I can appreciate the beauty and craftsmanship of them and they likely cost a fortune when she bought them. Off the living room, there is a small den and I told him that would be the perfect place to put those chairs, along with an antique chest of drawers and an antique dressing table that were a part of his great grandmother's bedroom suite that he wants to keep. The chest of drawers is kind of short, so it will make a nice table to sit between the chairs and put a lamp on it so you can sit and read or drink coffee and look out over the wooded area behind the house from the big picture window in the den. We can use the drawers for extra storage, which is ALWAYS a good thing. We are going to use the dressing table as a bar cart. When I went on my trip to Houston, I brought him back a couple of souvenirs that I picked up in an antique shop.....one was a pair of decanters that were painted with a pretty tie-dye look (Sparky is a hippy artist, so as soon as I saw them, I thought of him) and a couple of whiskey glasses that are etched "his" and "hers". We are using "gold" (gold toned) serving platters and trays for our wedding, so I told him the decanters and glasses would be pretty on a gold tray sitting somewhere and the idea of the bar cart was born, but the dressing table will work also and it will be a nice way to tie in the old and new. He's pretty much left the decorating to me and I appreciate that, but I want his stamp on it too. Not just mine. Once the weather cools off, we will have a LOT of work to do outside as well, replacing boards on the deck, fixing up the front porch. He wants to actually build a wrap-around porch. Right now there is a very small front porch and then a deck on one end of the house that protrudes out into the front yard kind of making the roof line a big L shape, with the little part of the L being the covered deck. There is a small storage building behind the house plus an old garage and a small workshop that we will probably have to tear down because it is pretty dilapidated. The garage and shed are in great shape, though.

Lots of work to do, but that kind of strikes me as a metaphor for life in general for some reason right at this moment. Things that are worth generally are a lot of work. It is just a fact of life. I know that with time, money, and elbow grease, we can make this house into a really nice place for ourselves that we can be proud of and enjoy. Sure, it needs some work now because his grandmother lived there and it still has her stamp on it....70's paneling, couch with big flowers, tons of mismatched dishes from sets purchased and broken through the years and miscellaneous glass objects that make little sense like the giant glass grapes and the 2 giant roosters that I found sitting on the built-in buffet in the dining room. We will keep what we can as an homage to Sparky's ancestors and we will either donate the rest to others who can use it or we will sell it, if we might be able to make money from it to put back into the paint and other supplies we need to freshen up the house.

I KNEW Saturday, after I had my little breakdown and got upset, when we were just chatting about something and his mom said something about it was going to be a lot of work and he said "ain't no step for a stepper" that it was ALL going to be ok, because that is one of my dad's most favorite sayings in the world and he says it all the time when he's facing a big task. It IS going to be a lot of work and it is NOT going to all be sunshine and roses. We will likely argue over something during all of this and there will be tears (on my part because I'm a crier) and cussing. We will disagree about some things, though for the most part, we remain on the same page about almost everything, which is a really cool place to be. Our first hurdle will likely be a coffee table because there is one in the living room currently and I do NOT like coffee tables. Of course, most of the houses I have lived in as an adult, really haven't had a living room that was big enough or laid out in such a way that easily accommodated a coffee table without it just being in the way. But we will work through that just like we will work through everything else because our lives are truly becoming one and that is a great feeling. And, besides, "ain't no step for a stepper". smile


Me 50, H51
3 adult daughters from XH's first marriage (plus 4 grandkids)
Divorce final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
1 adult daughter and bonus daughter-in-law from current H's first marriage
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2865133
09/12/19 05:29 PM
09/12/19 05:29 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,387
D
Dawn70 Offline OP
Member
Dawn70  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,387
My XH has lost his ever-loving mind, y'all. I just cannot even with that man. I'm very much a one-shot kind of girl. You won't ever hear a story about me marrying the same guy 3 times or giving someone chances over and over again. You get one shot with me so make it your best. Not saying I don't forgive and that sort of thing...just saying I firmly believe in that "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" adage. So, I say that to say when he walked away and wanted divorce, I dropped the rope pretty quickly and never looked back and won't ever look back because with time and distance, I have realized that he did me a favor in a lot of ways and my life would be a lot different and a lot less fulfilling if I had stayed with him over time.

Anyway, a little background before I explain his lost mind: when we divorced, we owned 2 cars and were paying for a house. The house was the one he'd bought prior to even meeting me, so my name wasn't even on it, but he offered to sign it over to me since I had been helping him pay for it for 10 years, if I wanted to keep it. I knew I wouldn't stay in that town any longer than I had to because it was HIS hometown and my own hometown was nearly 2 hours away and this was my chance to finally move HOME. So, I declined to take the house. We amicably separated all of our personal belongings (except the dog....she was the only thing we fought over) and I kept my car, as I had purchased it prior to marrying him and he kept his car even though it had been purchased by us jointly. He also kept possession of our daughter's car (well, she kept it actually) because it was in my name, but she still needed the vehicle and I wasn't going to take it just to turn around and sell it because I certainly didn't need 2 cars. When it came to dividing our financial assets, we closed out the savings account that we had jointly and divided that money in half. He had some stock earnings from his job that I could have gotten half of, but I earned more money than he did, so I just told him to keep it since he'd had the job long before I came along. I truly didn't want his money. I only wanted what was mine. We halved what money was in our checking account and until I moved out of the house, we each continued to pay 1/2 of everything, though I told him more than once that I would take on all the house bills by myself since he no longer lived there. He insisted on continuing to pay 1/2 since he wanted to keep everything on so he wouldn't have to pay deposits to get everything re-upped when I moved out and he moved back in. We wrote all of this up in an agreement, with the help of an attorney friend, so that we both had a legal obligation to follow through with what we said we would do. I took my half of the money and opened a new checking account at the same bank we had been using for our joint account because I had used that bank for years prior to marrying him and I wanted to be loyal to it (I am loyal to a fault in ALL things). It was easier for me to "move" out of the account and get a new one because it was kind of a pain for him to have to go through and get all of his SS direct deposits switched around. So, despite the fact that he was an a$$ who didn't deserve it, I was trying to be kind and make our split as easy as possible. Because of our bank policy, you can't just take someone's name off an account without closing the account so it was HIS idea to keep that existing account for himself and just go in and change all the passwords and everything. He knew I still, technically, had access to the account, since my name was still on it, but he kept insisting that he trusted me and knew I wouldn't try to take his money or do anything shady. He was right....I just wouldn't have because it is not in my nature to be shady. So, I opened my own account, he kept that one and away we went on our separate lives.

it has all worked out just fine and I have never once gone in and looked in the account or even thought about it. Until yesterday...………………….While I'm in class, I get a voicemail message from the bank and it simply said they were trying to reach me or XH about an account, so I KNEW it was about that account and not the one I currently use because until about a month ago, I was on the current one alone until I added Sparky and they plainly said XH's name and not Sparky's name, so I knew it was the old account. Unsure why they would even call me about it, since I assumed he'd changed all his contact info since he lives up near Boston now, I called back. The woman basically told me that the account was subject to being closed on Sept. 30 and that if the account closed, any outstanding debits would be taken out of any other accounts that the account holders on this account had. I explained the situation to the lady and told her that I had not used the account for nearly 5 years and I had no idea if XH was still using it because we no longer communicate. She then, because I'm still technically considered an account holder, told me that an automatic deposit had gone in on the 3rd (his SS, I assumed) but that the account was currently in the negative and "we" needed to get it straightened away so they could leave it open. She also told me this had been a pattern for awhile, which is why they were attempting to close it to begin with. She said they had tried to contact XH but the number they had for him was disconnected. So, though it really isn't my place any more, I told her I would get a message to him so he could deal with it. In the back of my head I'm thinking that I will do that only because if I don't and it gets closed, whatever overdraft fees pop up are going to be taken from MY current account and I will NOT allow that to happen because I didn't overdraft anything. I don't have a current phone number for him either. I don't know his mailing address and don't even know his e-mail address because the only e-mail address I ever had for him was connected to his cell phone account and I'm assuming he has a different cell phone number now that he's in Yankee land. So, I reached out the only way that I knew how without involving the girls or his sister and sent him a message on facebook. After a couple of hours, he responded, thanking me for letting him know and apologizing that they "bothered me with this" then he proceeded to inundate me with long rambling messages for about the next hour filling me in on why the account was overdrawn and what they had been spending money on and how they handle their finances and all sorts of bull sh!t I just didn't really need or want to know. I finally stopped him and just told him that it wasn't a problem for me to let him know because I didn't want whatever was happening in his account to be taken from my account when our money was no longer co-mingled and that if I were him, I would call the bank immediately and make sure they had my current contact information. Then he had to give me some long explanation about how they have an issue with their address and I again basically stopped him and told him to just call the number and fix it. Then he wanted to continue to ramble on about all the money they are spending to put his slut's house on the market so that they can move back to Arkansas within the next few months and he's telling me all sorts of details about that which I don't need to know, about how they are looking at houses online and are trying to be centrally located to all 3 girls so they are looking at such and such town. Well, 2 of the 3 girls live in the central part of the state while the 3rd lives in the western most part. The town he mentioned is in the NW corner of the state so I'm not sure how that is "central" to all 3 girls, but whatever.

As if all of his rambling about money and such weren't enough to make y'all agree he's lost his mind, in his final long rambling message, he apologized for "running off at the mouth" and joked I should call him his XW's name because she talks ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the time, but he did it because "he misses me". WTF, dude? If that wasn't enough, he throws in congratulations on my upcoming wedding, I look happy and Sparky is "the luckiest guy in the world" to get such an amazing woman. He tells me that the girls and their husbands all like Sparky and are happy for me. (I already knew that and don't need him acting like dad of the year, like he has some deep meaningful relationship with his daughters at this point, when they all barely tolerate him.) Seriously, it was just the single most WTF "conversation" I have ever had. I didn't even respond because I didn't know how to. I wanted to just unload everything that I have never said to him but I just figured there was no point because he has already put his own spin on it all and he still thinks he did no wrong. He walked away, after cheating with the slut and falling for her and then proceeded to ignore me because she didn't even want him talking to me, which actually worked to my advantage because it allowed me to detach a lot quicker and easier. I have never looked back and don't intend to start now and if he was waiting for me to say what a great guy he is and how lucky his slut is, he's got another d@mn thing coming. He's a sorry sack of crap and a poor excuse for both a husband and a man. I know d@mn good and well, little miss slutty thing is supporting his dead weight @ss just like I did, the only difference being, she makes better money than I did, but mostly because of where she lives. And, they live cheaply enough because they live in a house that she inherited from family, so other than property taxes (which I'm sure are a LOT higher than they are in AR), they aren't paying anything for their living expenses. He threw in something about "flying home" for something and I thought if that was supposed to make me jealous, nah....pass. I don't need to fly to feel good about myself.

He really did do me a favor in divorcing me. I would've stayed on because I was loyal. We lived through a lot of sh!t together and I would've stuck it out. But it is what it is. Because of his selfishness and cheating, I got to move HOME and be near my family. I got to apply for (and got) my dream job of working at the college level. And, when the time was right, a really awesome guy strolled into my life and captured my heart. Sure, I'm moving again, but not hours away from home like I did before. I am moving to a lovely 40 acre "retreat" in the middle of the woods on a beautiful river that is going to be an amazing place to call home as Sparky and I grow old together. Life really is good for me right now, even if there are these colossal WTF moments occasionally.


Me 50, H51
3 adult daughters from XH's first marriage (plus 4 grandkids)
Divorce final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
1 adult daughter and bonus daughter-in-law from current H's first marriage
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2865152
09/12/19 07:53 PM
09/12/19 07:53 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
D
doodler Offline
Member
doodler  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
Originally Posted by Dawn70
I wanted to just unload everything that I have never said to him but I just figured there was no point because he has already put his own spin on it all and he still thinks he did no wrong.


Dawn,

Sorry about the WTF XH. At least it reinforces the fact that you're headed in a much better direction. I think your statement above captures the mentality of cheating scumbags; they live in their own little fantasy world and believe they've done no wrong.

Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2865154
09/12/19 08:06 PM
09/12/19 08:06 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,054
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline
Member
AndrewP  Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,054
Canada
I had a heck of a time getting my ex-wife's name off of things. The credit union refused to let me keep my no-fee senior's chequing account because of in part exactly what you went through. Their - reasonable - argument was that since she had cheques with her name on them that she could legitimately set up withdrawals and there would be nothing I could do about it. The account type had been discontinued so I now pay about $12/month which is just annoying.

It's been a major hassle getting her name off of my different pension accounts as well and I had to get her to send her own email authorizing her taking her name off some of the utility bills.

Everytime I think I have the last cord cut, something else pops up. Hopefully you don't have much other potential liability going on. It sounds like he continues to be a real piece of work.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2865179
09/12/19 11:00 PM
09/12/19 11:00 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,511
K
kml Offline
Member
kml  Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,511
AS soon as that account is right side up you need to REMOVE yourself from the account.

Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2865194
09/13/19 12:14 AM
09/13/19 12:14 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,393
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline
Member
bttrfly  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,393
Massachusetts
I'd bail on that bank NOW.
Don't put any faith in exh taking care of anything.
He's soft as a grape.
xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2865201
09/13/19 01:22 AM
09/13/19 01:22 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,786
G
Ginger1 Offline
Member
Ginger1  Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,786
That’s nuts.

You are so much better off now.

Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004