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Ginger1 #2863501 08/30/19 02:07 PM
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Ginger .... You "know" you'd have ripped me a new one if it had been me.

What's the rush?


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Ginger1 #2863518 08/30/19 03:22 PM
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I get your point, G, but like everyone before me said, I am not sure it is a good idea just yet. Of course, the flip side of that is that I always tell people to do what works for them, so if it works for you, do it. Just proceed with caution.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
Ginger1 #2863606 08/30/19 11:20 PM
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I actually met the guy briefly today. I wasn’t really attracted.

So you are all right. I am not ready to date. Or put the effort into finding someone to date. But it has nothing to do with M.

I just got home at 7pm and I am exhausted. I worked an extra hour and a half, barely ate today and my patients sucked the life force out of me.

I have zero time to date. I am about to fall over exhausted but I have to make and decorate cupcakes, and make to party games and maybe feed myself. I cannot keep up with life. I just can’t do it. My saving grace is my daughter isnpretty self sufficient, and can be left alone. I seriously don’t know how o did this alone since she was a baby. In the past year I took on a new job and a new house and a new dog, and well, had a new boyfriend. I’m behind on my bills because I just forget to pay them and I am pretty friggin broke. I have time to breath yet I need a second job. And the first one is very demanding. The next few weeks are nothing but short of super busy with all of d’s cheerleading events and back to school and she wants to do dance. She deserves my attention which she has been shorted on lately, although I am glad she loves spending time with her friends. And I love my dog and seriously, no one may love me as much as that dog does. He is extremely attached to me, never leaves me alone and doesnt let me sleep much. I had a very expensive surgery which is killing my paycheck.
Am
I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been breaking down in tears over my stress level. I have no help. It’s killing me slowly.

My life wasn’t supposed to be like this. I get slightly resentful towards my ex. He barely has any responsibility with our daughter, and he has help. He refers to “we” and “us” in terms of him and his wife when referring to caring for our daughter. They are the team with our child. I am solo. I have been for a long time now.

So no. I should not be dating now. And probably shouldn’t be until she goes away to college. This life gets lonely. Very very lonely. I had the glimpse of a possible partner and someone I trusted with my heart and my daughter. I’m angry at him for what he did.

I’m lost, I’m tired, and I am in over my head. And there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

What keeps me going everyday is my daughter . She is such an amazing well adjusted little lady. She is very happy with life. It’s all I ever wanted. And I take a good portion of credit for that.

My mommy is tired.

Ginger1 #2863612 08/30/19 11:54 PM
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Big hugs ((((Ginger))))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Ginger1 #2863624 08/31/19 12:50 AM
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One bad coffee date and you're off men until D's out of high school? Oh honey.

You probably do need a break though, because dating takes time and effort and you've got some catching up to do in other aspects of your life.

Take a breather for a month then start looking when you feel caught up.

I'm curious - this guy you met, what didn't you like about him? (Sometimes it's just about wrong pheromones, I get that).

Ginger1 #2863630 08/31/19 01:35 AM
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Thank you Andrew, I needed that.

KML, nah, it had nothing to do with a bad date. The attraction just isn’t there. It solely has to do with the energy and effort it takes when I barely have my life together. If I were to meet a guy organically I wouldn’t write it off. I’m so busy and so tired. The only way I pulled it off with M in the midst of moving and house buying was because he was understanding and helpful. I began my second job a month after dating... but my main job had lots of downtime. By the time I began this job our kids were introduced and we could spend time together with kids. I somehow pulled off working full time, going to school and having a long distance R with ex NG where I did all the traveling. I pulled off school, the R and work when I was dating FF because his only commitment was work and he only worked every 4th day and he spent time with my D, so he could come over whenever. He was short lived, but the one who would go any mile to spend time with me . He was happy to come over and help D with her math homework while I cooked dinner and eat with us and spend time with me after she went to bed.

Ah, but the one thing similar about these 3 R’s was me giving and them taking. Except for FF. That was a matter of age and obstacles we couldn’t get over due to them.

I’m frustrated at all the effort I put in to M and his needs and issues when I wasn’t holding it all together by a thread. And when I asked for some support, I got dropped like a hot potato. I put so much effort in because I believed in us. I was falsely led to believe in us. I told the coworker today who had actually met him. She was in such shock. She said the same thing. Something else was going on. And it had nothing to do with me or something lacking in our R.

But I digress. I’m failing at life right now. I’m barely keeping it all together. That’s not a good foundation for a new R.
I can’t give any R what it deserves. I can’t even give me what I deserve.

Ginger1 #2863644 08/31/19 08:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Ginger1

I can’t give any R what it deserves. I can’t even give me what I deserve.


And here is where you begin the real work. Once you give yourself what you deserve, someone will come into your life and do the same. You have to initiate. Start small, a foot soak before bed. Five minutes of stretching. You're sticking to your diet, that's good.

From where I stand it seems to me you're doing a lot more than you think - that's beautiful baby girl is happy and healthy and you are the reason.

You have a house that you bought on your own gf.

you'll feel a lot better after a night's sleep, but remember that line because I swear to you G, that's the key here. treat yourself the way you want to be treated and the rest will fall into place.

xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Ginger1 #2863647 08/31/19 12:43 PM
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If M. Is like my ex husband, it worked in the beginning because you yourself were too busy to request time from him. If he’s like my ex, most likely he was ok with kid introductions because it meant that he had to be with his son anyway so might as well satisfy your need for time and kill 2 birds with one stone.

That’s not healthy. A man that really loves you and is himself open to a relationship is gonna do anything to be with you. My ex is an addict and so is M. And I think they are not capable of love - so please try not to take it personal. They are usually in extreme denial and play pretend to fit in and play a role.

Take a small break and self care and then give it a try again. Think positively. I agree with KMLs view of OLD. And I know lots of people that have had success. It’s just a matter of timing


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Ginger1 #2863712 09/01/19 11:15 AM
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See, I know what I deserve. Actually, I hate the word deserve. No one really deserves anything. I know what I have worked very hard towards for myself. I hope I can truly live up to it one day.

Juju, I see lots of similar personality traits between your ex and M. The difference is That M hyper focused on his kid. Id truly like to stop attracting these broken types. I hope it’s not a reflection of me.

He sees his son for the first time since before we we broke up on Tuesday. I am curious as to what he knows about everything that has been going on since . Poor precious kid. I still get my bouta of anger about what he did. It was really crappy for everyone involved. He pretended like he was being so careful with kids feelings and it turns out he was being quite reckless. I still think something much bigger is going on but I guess I will never know. His brother is still friends with me on IG. He watches my stories.

Yesterday we had my friends shower, which was guys and girls and family since they are both up here from FL. We had a blast. I won the game as to who knows the bride the best! Her mom was sweet as D and I left. She said I am one of her daughters most precious friends. She thinks my daughter is absolutely beautiful.

It was all Filipino except for me and her friends husband. He’s black. But her mom and my friends called me the adopted Filipino. I got to eat some of my most favorite foods. I am only 5’3” but I’m like the tallest of the crowd! D11 has surpassed my friends in height and shoe size! ( poor kid has her mommas big feet)

Tonight we all go to this karaoke thing. Guess who the 7th wheel without a date is. Yup, you guessed it. I am sad because I thought for once I was a plus one. It was nice there for a while. But if you know me, I make an excellent odd wheel, I have a great time with everyone.

I hope one day I get a chance to have my plus one who adores me and wants to be my plus one forever. I’m so glad my friend found her plus 1.

Ginger1 #2863715 09/01/19 12:40 PM
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A funny side note..... D11 were talking in the car about her birthday . Me, her and her dad spend her actually birthday together . I had suggest Dave and busters and D11 was game and told her dad. He says to her “let your mom I’m going to beat her!” Dave and busters was always a popular date night for us.

Then she said “dad gave me a picture to put in my locker at school” and then she was acting like it was something she wasn’t supposed to be telling me. She said he had a picture of me and him together and gave it to her to hang in her school locker. I’ve heard about this picture throughout the years from D. He has kept this one picture of us. I guess he figures this is a good way to let go of it

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