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Ginger1 #2863309 08/28/19 11:53 PM
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Quote
This weekend will be a challenge with the bridal shower which is sure to have my favorite Filipino foods


LUMPIA!!!!!! God I wish there was a gluten-free source of lumpia near me.

Ginger1 #2863314 08/29/19 12:19 AM
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There will for sure be lumpia! And I hope my favorite, turon. And pancit. Ahhhh! Carbs ! It’s going to take a lot of self control .

I am sitting on my couch and I looked over to my door. And for some reason I saw M walking in as he usually does, my dog running up to him, giving him love and heard him say “ ok, I gave you love, now I’m giving mommy love” and then he squeezes me really hard and kisses me as he always did. Our Wednesday night routine

This really really stinks.

Ginger1 #2863451 08/30/19 01:10 AM
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Today was a wonderful day. Made a mistake at work, but didn’t get in trouble, thank god. Had to get it pointed out as a teachable moment , but my boss said no worries, we are only human, it happens. Nobody died. And when you used to work at the bedside, we are just happy it wasn’t a mistake with someone’s life. And it was that patient I told the story about.

Wore a new dress today and got many compliments of how pretty I looked. That was nice. No one said I looked pregnant today and that was a plus. I’ve been sticking to my diet like glue.

Then a coworker who works part time who knew about me and my boyfriend and how happy we were said something today about the “great guy I have” I told her what happened. She loves not he town he does. She was shocked. Gave me a big hug and said “I bet you he comes back” will he? I have this weird gut feeling he might be the one who reappears even though he completely feel off the face of the earth with me. But it will be too late.

Then I loaded my groceries into a strangers car today and couldn’t get them out before said stranger came to her car. We have the same exact common car and she was parked 3 spots away and I’ve been so preoccupied, I didn’t realize until I climbed in the front seat. Then I came home and the dog pulled the rotisserie chicken off the counter and onto the floor and began to eat it. Great day so far. I did have a nice dinner with my cousin to make up for her missed birthday dinner.

Then Against all sound advice I began talking to a guy from bumble. Very cute, great profile, great job, in a band . 2 kids, no. Baby mama drama issues. He is 48 which I think is a good age for me. He looks younger than M at 10 years older . We even had a phone convo. Might have another one tonight if I’m still awake. I told my friend and I said I probably should wait and stuff, but she said “ why wait when this happened and you had no control over it? Why hold back and not move on?” My cousin agreed. Part of me thinks being in a place where I am not so eager to have a boyfriend and my lessons from this last R are fresh might not be a bad place to dip my toes in the water again. I have never dated a guy to get over another. But maybe I need a little shove. My hardest time with this is the whole blindsided aspect. I don’t know how much I’ll ever heal from that. I can’t do anything about it. Maybe it’s healthier to see what’s out there rather than hanging on. There is nothing to hang onto . It was over just like that. I have actually gotten a lot of interest on bumble, but this guy I’m truly interested in getting to know better.

Looking forward to a 3 day weekend. D11 she got invited to a surprise sleepover party to this girls house that she doesn’t even like. But her friends are going. So I’ll be making my cupcakes on my own. She apologized for leaving me alone to make them on my own. She’s sweet. I’ve got a good kid. Bad dog, good kid, lol both are pretty cute though

I texted my ex a “happy birthday old man” this morning. We are only 10 months apart, so he joked “ I’m on a different decade than you now” I said “yup, I’m still in my 30’s and full of hope!” He thinks I’m still with M. His wife knows though because D11 was talking. About it to herself and she heard her and she told her. But I don’t think my ex as his wife talk all that much though.

And that’s all folks

Ginger1 #2863456 08/30/19 01:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I promise, no dating. I like that pact and the thought of keeping each other accountable. I have such a full schedule anyways. Beginning of the school year, cheerleading season....I’m busy. I do need time to heal.


Well at least we see what your promises and entering into a pact are worth. Yes, that's harsh, I admit it, but C'mon Ginger - YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THIS. The last thing you should be doing at this point is dating. And you just didn't have this happen, you clearly have been active on dating sights for days if not a week or more. Again, good thing you made the pact and promised everyone - including yourself.

Next step is the rationalization. Create all of the reasons to rationalize why dating now really is not so bad or may even be a good idea. Even your cousin thinks so. Is this the cousin that was or is having the affair? Yes, I've dropped the 2X4 and am using an I beam but again, C'mon.

On top of it, any quality guy, if he knew you just got out of a year-long love relationship less than two weeks ago where you thought you might marry the man at some point would run for the hills. Any quality guy would and should and you know this. The quality guy would say, look G, you need to heal, keep my number and if I'm still single in three months we'll go out.

It would be one thing if you and M had dated for a couple of months and never expressed love or were as all in as you were. This is just a quick fix to numb the pain. I get it. I totally get it. You want the pain gone but you know this is not the way to do it. It's not going to lead to the outcome that you really, really want. And you are not being fair to any guy that would date you now - again you know this. Please reconsider this. You know it's wrong.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Ginger1 #2863462 08/30/19 03:28 AM
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I wouldn’tsay it’s “wrong”. And I’m not doing it to numb the pain. I’m doing it to get on with my life. I just want to go forward. What am I healing from? I don’t know if I will ever heal from the way he dropped me. That’s where I am struggling the most and really I just have to live with it. I can’t explain this break up. It was a long term relationship where I loved the guy and his family. But I just don’t want to be with or associate with anyone who did what he did to me. I only know I am putting it behind me. I’ll miss what could have been and even what was in some aspects, but in hindsight I was holding on because what was invested. But I wasn’t treated the way I deserved to be treated and I think that’s why I am letting go much easier. I think I might be finally grasping on to my worth. He lost the best thing that ever happened to him, and I lost a guy who didn’t value me.

Yes I broke the pact. I got online 2 days ago. We just got off the phone from an hour and a half convo. M would never talk on the phone. Only text. I like to talk. He is so much more my type. We have alot more in common. He’s incredibly intelligent. Funny and outgoing. Obviously an excellent conversationalist. Motivated and successful in his career . Told me he has never ever cheated on a woman. He is confident but not cocky and he knows what he wants and what he’s looking for. I enjoyed our conversation and we are going to meet next week.

I don’t think this is wrong. Is it right ? I don’t know. I have never medicated a breakup with another guy. I don’t feel like I am medicating now. I’m just putting what we had behind us. He did, I am and that’s all I can do. I’ve spent so much time “healing” I’m just ready to go forward. My life has been marching on. I’ll always hold a place for M in my heart, even with what he did. But I’m leaving him where he wants to be left and where I want him left.

Ginger1 #2863463 08/30/19 03:46 AM
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Oh man G.... I really do not think this is a good idea

Ginger1 #2863472 08/30/19 10:02 AM
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Ginger I don't know that this is the best idea. What I do know is that doing the work is the shortcut. xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Ginger1 #2863478 08/30/19 11:05 AM
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Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate all the concern. I stayed up late last night thinking about this.

Maybe there is something wrong with me, maybe I am becoming “tougher” because I haven’t been broken up over this break up and maybe I should be. I’m sad, don’t get me wrong. It’s a loss , but while I miss what we had occasionally, I don’t miss him so much. I don’t know how much there is to heal from. Maybe because I just wasn’t happy and kind of neglected and made to be a convince rather than a priority and i was disconnecting myself without realizing it to protect myself.

I’ve been thinking about why going on a date with a new guy would be a bad idea. It would be a bad idea if I was using this guy to cover up pain and get over M. I am definitely not doing that. If I wasn’t going to learn from the lessons and went on to tolerate the same stuff and give the flags a chance because I want it so bad, then it’s a bad idea.

I asked myself what would be different if I went out with this guy 2 months down the line, rather than now. And I can’t see much of a difference.

I think I am in my deepest place of self awareness I have ever been right now. Which is a healthy place to date.

If I wanted M back and he came walking through that door tomorrow, and I would say yes, then i shouldn’t be dating. But my mouth to god’s ears, the only thing that would make me consider that is his son. And I say consider it, but not do it.

I think I was getting over him while I was with him if that makes any sense.

Ginger1 #2863479 08/30/19 11:27 AM
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yes it makes sense.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Ginger1 #2863485 08/30/19 12:06 PM
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G....apply what you learned with M and keep moving forward. Imo finding a long lasting R is more luck and circumstances than anything else, two people making a choice. People change over time, some for better and some for worse. I am all for healing from a previous R but more importantly it is learning, growing and not making the same mistakes.

You are getting close.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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