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AndrewP #2863731 09/01/19 07:21 PM
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DID YOU BUY COD?????

kml #2863740 09/01/19 09:04 PM
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Originally Posted by kml
DID YOU BUY COD?????

It was a celestial shopping list to remind me to make fish tacos??? I did buy some loaves on Saturday. (with apologies to people of Faith out there)

I do have some salmon and some wraps. Menu is already set for tonight though. And actually I have no idea on how to make fish tacos or I suppose a burrito since I have wraps.

Floors scrubbed. It takes a lot of work. I recall after my ex finally left telling D27 about scrubbing the floors and getting literally buckets of mud off them. She did wash them from time to time but never really put a lot of effort in to it. I - ahem - "perhaps" over-compensate. I justify it because I do only wash the floors a couple of times a year. But I pull everything out, scrub with a mop and then go over the wet floor with rags. They are certainly "very" clean when I'm done with them.

Funny story. My oldest brother who is retired from his job as a nuclear plant operator has I have been told a tendency to clean when he's had too much to drink. Like me, he gets down on hands and knees and scrubs. I actually have an article written about my great-grandmother where she complains that one of the things that age had done to her was that her knees no longer supported her scrubbing.

Mind you - I was generally accepting of my ex-wife's housekeeping. I have particular standards that I apply to myself and not to others.

I think I need to moisturize my hands now though. I should perhaps have worn gloves. B liked Mr Clean as a cleaning product so that's what I used today. It seems to do a decent job.

Soon time to make gravy, cheese sauce, mashed potatoes etc. The roast smells pretty good and is almost to temperature. Let me know if you are coming kml and I'll set out another plate or two.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
AndrewP #2863761 09/02/19 06:55 AM
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On vacation, tonight CMM took me out to theStinking Rosefordinner, a restaurant devoted to garlic. Pretty sure we ate enough garlic to cure anything that ails us!

kml #2863788 09/02/19 02:27 PM
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Originally Posted by kml
On vacation, tonight CMM took me out to the Stinking Rose for dinner, a restaurant devoted to garlic. Pretty sure we ate enough garlic to cure anything that ails us!
My grandfather was also sure that garlic was good for whatever ail he might have - and he didn't even speak French wink

---------------------------

Well - that's a wrap. I texted B the Happy Birthday this morning that I composed a few days ago. A few hours later I got a friendly - but not overly friendly response. I was going to post the correspondence here but it's not relevant although I may copy it in to my diary. I've deleted all the messenger messages and texts. I will probably leave her in my contacts list. I don't have any urge to message her but if she sends me a message it would be good to know right away that it's her.

Suffice it to say that I was true to myself. The tone of my message certainly indicated that I believed that the relationship is permanently over and I wished her a very happy birthday and that the new year will be good for her. And I added a PS that I had found her snow brush and told her where it was if she wanted to pick it up.

Her response was cheerful, wishing me well in turn, and letting me know that she usually gets a new snow brush every winter and that I can keep that one as a spare. 9 exclamation marks. Hugs but no pet names.

So that's how a relationship can end. Without anger, with a certain amount of sadness, with fond memories of good times. The not quite so good times have pretty much all faded from memory.

The other day I was looking through the digital pictures I have saved for 2019. Nearly 1/2 of them have B and / or the grand-kids in them. B sent me a "lot" of pictures whenever we weren't together. A lot of them were group shots of her with her sisters or friends. She has such an amazing smile. I'm going to choose to keep those. If some new partner ever stumbles across them, I certainly won't have any issue explaining. Just like the pictures I have of 26 years with my ex. There were a lot of good times there too. Of those, I did delete the ones that were just my ex-wife's family and also the pictures from that fateful trip to Mexico where she finally got the courage to tell me she was leaving me, but not enough courage to own up to why. Some memories are appropriate to bury.

---------------

I'm achy from all the scrubbing yesterday. I may have a good soak in the tub with a fresh pot of tea and a good book after I catch up here. This morning's potato pancakes were delish. I added in the left-over cheese sauce to the mashed potatoes and eggs which turned out well and used up leftovers. I have enough mashed potatoes to make up another batch on Wednesday morning.

I did pass on the "hello" from SL's daughter to S25 and chatted briefly about that family. S25 seems to have no opinions on them as a family and seemed pleased about the "hello". Not sure if I will reach out to her after I get back from my trip or not. I do expect that she would be open to that.

I dread the idea of starting to date again. Finding some semi-random stranger with unknown baggage and trying to make a relationship work. As long as I feel that way, I'm certainly not ready to date.

Onward. To the future. Finish up this morning's diary and then off to the tub.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
AndrewP #2863789 09/02/19 02:35 PM
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Ah, but the kicker is you discover the baggage and you decide if you can make it work. That’s called dating. You don’t HAVE to make the relationship work. The key is not to go all serious deep and just date to see if there is a relationship you want to make work, given the baggage . You have choices. It’s not like you knocking a woman up and making it work for the sake of the baby. You aren’t entering into any arranged marriages.

I truly hope you took from your experience to date before shaking up. Learn the person before you decide to make it serious. That’s what dating is for!

AndrewP #2863816 09/02/19 08:11 PM
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You know, I don't regret the choices that I made in this past relationship. Moving B in after only a few months made sense for reasons at the time that still make sense. It's like the old saying - you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. And there were some very good practical reasons why it made sense for her to move from her mold infested apartment in to here.

I thought B would adapt. She just plain wasn't ready. I was too eager to have someone in my life. I've learned from this. I think that she has as well. And the GK got a safe and stable place that they wouldn't have had otherwise. And both B and I are - I presume - choosing to treat this as a positive experience.

I learned that I can have a relationship and love again even if it wasn't with the intensity that I had before. I learned that I can let that relationship go. I'm not sure what B learned but she certainly will remember that she was truly loved and that there are men out there who aren't just interested in sex. Who are patient and kind. Who treat her with respect and not as an "appliance".

There's a quote mis-attributed to Albert Einstein - "If we knew what we were doing it wouldn't be called research".

The next relationship I go in to will be informed by what I've learned here. It may or may not be a "forever" one.

-------------

Well - break time. I got my soak in the tub done - I think I need to re-invest in bath salts. My ironing is done and airing out and I also got my work shop and tool box tidied for perhaps the first time since the spring. There was a bird feeder I started last fall that never got done.

I need to decide what to have for dinner. Stir fry is getting to the top of the list. Back to the plant again tomorrow. Less than 2 weeks before Madrid.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
AndrewP #2863818 09/02/19 08:44 PM
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Sorry. I hit a nerve. I’m glad you had good experience and did what you and to do. You were just describing it as the only way to do it. You don’t have to carry someone’s baggage. You can take the time to find out if it’s a load you want/can carry in the future. That’s all.

AndrewP #2863819 09/02/19 09:42 PM
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Not to worry Ginger. I appreciate you making me rethink my motivations.


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BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
AndrewP #2864041 09/04/19 03:35 PM
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Happy Wednesday all from an overcast and cool Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan.

Originally Posted by I Know, I Need To Stop Talking
Pooh was shaking his head and had tears in his eyes as he came into Piglet's house that day.

"What's up, old pal?" Piglet asked in concern, as Pooh sank down into a chair.

"I don't understand," said Pooh. "I don't understand how, when you love someone so much, that sometimes you're expected to let them go. Even when it's a good type of letting go, when you're letting them go for the best possible reason...I don't understand. Why do we have to let go?" And a solitary tear rolled down his cheek. "It's just too hard, Piglet. Letting go is just too hard, and it hurts SO much."

For a time there was silence, and then Piglet spoke.

"Yes," he agreed. "Yes, it is. And yes, it does."

Pooh looked at his friend in surprise. "That's it?" he asked. "Isn't this the point that you usually have some sage words of advice for me?"

Piglet nodded. "Usually, yes. But all I have to say this time...is that you're right. Letting go of those we love - even when it's for the best possible reasons, when the whole reason we're letting go, is to enable them to fly... is one of the hardest things we will ever do."

"I feel like a little part of my heart is missing right now," said Pooh.

"Yes," said Piglet. "I know. I know."

So - I'm probably 90% sure that B has decided to reconcile with her H. Looking back she was up to see him the weekend before she decided to leave. She commented on how he had really gone out of his way to accomodate her and she seemed to have a lot on her mind after that. He's always I think regretted that she left but not enough to stop his affair. Seeing her get a guy and an at least outwardly seeming comfortable future may have pushed him to realize what he was throwing away. Despite the many things she didn't like about living "up north" there is a massive amount of things that she misses. Especially "her house". On the other hand my history of being able to predict either women or the future has a very poor track record. And she's a smart enough gal that if she does choose to reconcile it will be done rather tentatively. I think she's got a good sense of self-worth and remembers clearly the cr@p she went through for very many years - probably close to the last 10 anyway of a 22 year marriage.

If she does reconcile, knowing what I do, money will be tight. Trust will be fragile - perhaps in both directions. I wish her well. If she doesn't reconcile, she'll need to get her own boots underneath her, adjust her vision of lifestyle and future and get on with it.

Those here who have followed stories of reconciliation know what a bumpy road it can be. And I'm positive that her H hasn't made any fundamental changes in attitude beyond knowing that he has lots to make up for and how big of a hole her leaving made in his life.

In the time since B's left I've found out a lot more about her S38 and what I've found out is rather disturbing. More than enough for me to be glad that I'm not part of any of it and to worry about B not being able to extricate herself. I also worry about the GK. They were doing so well when I last saw them. They finally had some stability in their lives.

I have urges to check on B to make sure she's ok. I've not acted on them. She's a big girl. She has a support network even if the part involving her immediate family is rather burned out. I don't know whether she is naive or just accustomed to having people "do for her" or not but the fact that friends and family have been so very accommodating is while good in many ways, there's no way that it will go on indefinitely.

I am sure that it is doubtful she'll reach out to me any time soon. I expect her to eventually and to keep tabs on me. There was one guy she dated a few times who I think was full of tales that got him past 3rd base - an occasion that B told me was very unpleasant. She was showing me though how she was still creeping on what he's up to in this case the sale of his mother's house which I think was one of the promises of having disposable cash. I'm not sure when / if she'll unblock me but expect that to happen eventually so she can look at where I am. I hopefully will be fully over her, as much as I ever will be. I do care about her and worry about her. But I also knew going in to the relationship that her problems were not mine to fix.

For me, I'm certainly not ready to date. I still dread the idea of putting myself out there. The fear of making another mistake is a very real thing. I know me and I know where I'm vulnerable. I think I'm less vulnerable to the "damsel in distress" that I was a year ago. I am vulnerable to certain varieties of love-bombing though. Most specifically to a woman who has a very clear vision of where I fit in her life - like CL for example who I think is no longer an option. Or my ex-wife who from the day we met stamped me as her property. My brothers are similar. We all were / are married to strong willed women who in many ways "wear the pants". I joke with friends that "the rider may have fallen off but the old horse still knows how to trot".

With regards to my ex-wife I am moderately confident that I'm not vulnerable to her. From the little I know, she is a deeply unhappy woman but is still sticking it out with OM. Perhaps she's doing similar analysis to B as to what her options are that provide the things that are important to her.

I was browsing what was available on the Facebook dating app. While I was clicking I suddenly got a "like" and a connect request with nothing more than basic information up. Not Ready! Some scrambling later I deleted the profile. It certainly is something that may be worth investigating at the right time.

I do really miss having someone "there". Even though it was difficult for me to get a word in edgewise, having B around to talk to was a lot better than just the cats. There was an article the other day on a relationship blog that I follow where the author said "Failure is always an option". This resonated with me. I generally have no problems with failure in my professional life and the bulk of my personal life. Anyone who has ever checked out my instagram feed of failed baking would know that. It's a balance though. Having a mug cake that doesn't turn out is a lot different than emotionally investing in someone only having to recognize that it just isn't going to work.

Been a pretty quiet day here. SIL1 and my oldest brother are supposed to stop by for lunch - I'm working from home - and bring a new wing chair for the living room. It will be the first time since my ex stripped the house that I'll have "real" furniture in there instead of a mix of various make-do items.

I'm trying to decide on if I'm going to take myself out for dinner tonight. My weight has been creeping up lately. I need to be more disciplined on my diet which is going to be tough with first my trip and then entering into the "gorging season" with Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Well - all for now.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
AndrewP #2864119 09/05/19 12:03 AM
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Feeling weird tonight.

I chose to not go out for dinner. The take-a-way Chinese that SIL1 brought was very filling and undoubtedly containing more sodium than is good for me so I just skipped supper. S25 who was pre-warned was up, showered and charming. He's actually been pretty decent towards me lately despite the fact that I comment more freely on current job openings and apartment availability.

They also brought a new to me wing chair that fits well with the current decorating in my living room and was immediately adopted by one of the cats. It turns out that it was given free to them as well. It's nice after about 3 1/2 years to have "proper" furniture in the living room instead of odds and sods.

I can feel the hole in my life though though. It's palatable. Part of me thinks of filling it with acquisitions. Currently mulling over paying for a Spotify subscription. Big spender yes - I know wink

I've been also going over the concept of the "lists" that others have suggested that I consider. I look at the women who post OLD profiles and waffle between thinking that they'd be a good fit and not. Still not ready there.

Just musing "aloud" here for a bit as I have control of the keyboard. You all have control of your eyes and so don't necessarily need to follow along.

Things that attracted me to B were the fact that she had an obvious passion for life but was still very much a home-body. I'm not looking for a domestic slave but rather someone who prefers a quiet life at home. Many remember the "war of the kitchen" and the "battle of the gravy" wink I don't look for an intellectual equal nor someone that I can be superior to. I firmly believe that intelligence comes in a wide variety of flavours. B I think quit school at grade 10. But she had a basic interest in local and international news, knew a lot about food and gardening and I was astounded at her knowledge of driving that absolutely helped S25 get his license. I actually thought she was pretty cool knowledge wise and I hope she knew that.

One lady I had a single date with some time ago - who I've known for nearly 30 years - was certainly my intellectual equal if not superior and I had no problem with that. It was strictly the lack of "warmth" I got from her. Perhaps "maternal" is something that I'm looking for. She was distant from her kids I know and had strained relations with them.

My ex - for all her faults - also had the capacity to care but for her it was more a possessive thing than a nurturing thing. I was very much "her" possession. And yes - there was a comfort in that.

On OLD I see so many people who I've seen literally for years. Searching for someone and not finding them and being disappointed in what they do find. And TBH - I wonder if I would be just another disappointment. I also look at the profiles and wonder how much of that like B and her talks of enjoying long walks is just advertising and not substance. That woman thought that 4 blocks was too far to go on foot.

But there's still that hole. I know that I need to wait until I am "whole" again / without a hole - English is a very silly language.

I did manage to change my world view to know that if I were to invite someone to share my life that it needed to be someone who wasn't like my ex. I now need to shake that up and know that it needs to be someone who isn't like B. I think I've let go of the "what could have been". Fairly easily for me because I very much knew that there were things that just weren't working. But still tough. I browse looking for I don't know what. And certainly not finding it.

I'm not ready.

Ah well - needed to be a bit maudlin - nobody to talk to here. The girls are working out who gets the new chair tonight. I've got my lunch made, the counter cleaned and have been typing here avoiding packing up for work tomorrow. I'm currently in the middle of a book of short stories by Isaac Asimov. Perhaps one more of those before bed.

The sun will rise again and it will be a new day.

Bon soirée mes amis. (gonna have to learn that in Spanish).


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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