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A Message from Michele
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Re: Worried Moon [Re: bttrfly] #2867173
10/03/19 02:41 PM
10/03/19 02:41 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,714
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doodler Offline
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doodler  Offline
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Originally Posted by bttrfly
doodler, if you don't mind my asking, when you did the same to OM, did it freak you out that you were capable of that? I'm having the hardest time accepting that I could actually do that.

bttrfly,

The short answer is, no it didnít freak me out, but I was surprised at the voracity of my confrontation with the OM. I actually felt good about the confrontation because it was much needed. Iím not necessarily recommending that approach, but for me it was cathartic.

Re: Worried Moon [Re: bttrfly] #2867248
10/04/19 12:05 AM
10/04/19 12:05 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,698
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DnJ Offline
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DnJ  Offline
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Posts: 1,698
Hello bttrfly

The hospitalís response is unacceptable!

I agree with the others, talk to the administration and file the paperwork if nothing gets fixed.

And good for you standing up to the in-laws. You certainly donít that toxicity in your life.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S18 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: Worried Moon [Re: bttrfly] #2867401
10/05/19 01:22 PM
10/05/19 01:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,698
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DnJ Offline
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DnJ  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,698
Good Morning bttrfly

How is Mom doing? And how are you doing?

Any gains with the administration?

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S18 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: Worried Moon [Re: bttrfly] #2868129
10/13/19 11:28 AM
10/13/19 11:28 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,918
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline OP
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bttrfly  Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,918
Massachusetts
hi. been a loooong week. Mom went to her dr appt - it's three weeks, so obviously no bone growth yet, but her incision is healing beautifully and she's down to one transfer on toe touch. However, that's not a 'skill' so she cannot be covered by insurance to stay where she is.We decided we are moving her to the assisted living area for a short respite stay, private pay of course, as we both feel that's the safest way to help her. She sees the dr again on the 31st and will hopefully get permission for a little bit more pressure on that leg, which would send her back to her rehab with insurance coverage. I thought I was going in to have a nice visit before work. Didn't expect this. This happened on Thursday, three days ago.

I'm overwhelmed but not allowing myself to do more than acknowledge that theres a lot going on, and just dealing with each thing as it comes up.

I slept at the facility that first night, as they were not able to do one to one with the man because of staffing. I slept there the second night for mom's comfort, but I knew the constant waking up was killing me - I needed to go home that third night (Friday) so I could sleep. I was there before 7 am Saturday, as I'd noticed that he took advantage of the change in shift to wander. Sure enough, as soon as his one to one checked out, he came into Mom's room, and I blocked his way and called staff to get him. They did everything they could to keep him busy. I think his wife kept denying transfers. They finally moved him to the LTC side of the building, but he kept coming back to his old room, and I guess his new roommate was very mean, so the poor guy had a complete meltdown and it got physical. He was using a reacher as a sword. He ended up sectioned to a hospital where he will get the care he needs this past Tuesday.

There's still the family piece to deal with. I've noticed a theme for this week: setting boundaries, soft, hard, inflexible. It's been across the board - family, work, friends.

With the cousin and her husband, they came in last Saturday all smiles, acting like nothing ever happened. I was polite, yet aloof. I don't feel the same about them. I get they were both triggered by their own trauma of having sole responsibility for my aunt's care for 8 years while her older sister did whatever she wanted. Still, not ok to unload on me and while I appreciate the help how about waiting until I - or Mom - ask for it first? I'd say that's a hard boundary.

The cousin who started it all has continued to call the facility, asking probing questions about my mother's status, and ordering nursing around. Mom gave the order last Sunday that no information was to be released to anyone but me. This cousin's name is specifically called out in the chart. She has called several times after 8pm to speak with my mother, or more accurately, to put her mother on the phone with my mother. Mom can't hear that well and after 8pm she's trying to sleep, as she still has pain sometimes during the night. The nursing staff won't put her through. I"m sure I'll be hearing about it sooner or later, and I will deal with it. It may not be pretty, but it is going to be very effective. Inflexible boundary. We suspect she's looking for some way to piggy back her mom's care onto me. Not gonna happen.

In the middle of last weekend's craziness, I got a text from exbf who has done work for me in the past. He was looking for work, saying he needs emergency cash. I called and sent him about his business. He is in this situation because he put himself there. I've put him in touch with people who are willing to help him find real work. He's not following through. Not my problem.

Another friend has offered to "help" me clean out Dad's garage and tools, for a price, since he also needs the money (someone we've known for the better part of 25 years). I've told him no, thanks. Not able to do that right now. Have other things needing my time, attention and money.

My boss, after screaming at me every freaking day last week and turning me into a wreck took the opposite tone on Monday, told me to alleviate the stress of my commute by working from home in the morning and coming in the afternoon. He went on to say how happy he is with my work, and what an asset I am to the company etc. I said I was glad he feels that way and we need to have a discussion because I absolutely cannot have another work week like last week. I was frank about how upset I was all week, and that I cannot have this amount of stress in my life, it's not healthy. I told him frankly I would have quit on the spot if I didn't need flexibility for my mother and if he hadn't been understanding of my situation. Hard limit. I truly can't live like that. This week has been much better.

I asked my son when he planned to pay me back some money he's borrowed, now that he's working. That was the hard one to do, but it's for his best interest. He will pay me next week. I expect a payment plan, which is fine. The point is, he needs to pay me back.

Son tells me exh will be around Monday. Oh. Joy. Just keeping my head down and putting one foot in front of the other. I didn't set boundaries with exh. Had I, we might have figured out how to stay together or perhaps been divorced sooner. I find I'm working hard to get the house presentable. Some buttons still getting pushed there.

For me, this past interlude has shown I'm not willing to be a doormat, or have my good nature used against me for other's gain. Strange the gifts we get from our divorces.

Ok, you're kind of up to speed. I also feel like in the middle of all this my friend and I are growing closer. We'll see what happens with that.
Gonna go visit mom with some coffee.


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


ďYour task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.Ē - Rumi
Re: Worried Moon [Re: bttrfly] #2868142
10/13/19 02:16 PM
10/13/19 02:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,767
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline
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AndrewP  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,767
Canada
Glad to hear that your Mom's situation seems to be improving. I know little about medicine especially as it affects older people. My own parents both died fairly quickly and some time ago so I was never involved in their care.

It sounds like you've got your @ss kicking boots on. It's nice weather for it. ((bttrfly))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Worried Moon [Re: bttrfly] #2868160
10/13/19 07:43 PM
10/13/19 07:43 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,091
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Ginger1 Online
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Posts: 4,091
Woman, I hand it to you. You are handing everything with strength and dignity and respecting your boundaries! Iím glad you spoke up to your boss. Iím also glad the facility is not giving in to your cousin. I deal a lot to that and we absolutely donít give information in situations like that.

Mom sounds like she is improving. She might enjoy a little time in AL. Good for a little socializing .
Take care of you, my friend

Re: Worried Moon [Re: bttrfly] #2868163
10/13/19 08:24 PM
10/13/19 08:24 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,046
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kml Offline
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Posts: 15,046
So sorry all these stresses are piling up on you. Hope you are able to get some sleep now. (((Hug))))

Re: Worried Moon [Re: bttrfly] #2868209
10/14/19 01:20 PM
10/14/19 01:20 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,698
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DnJ Offline
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DnJ  Offline
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Posts: 1,698
Good Morning bttrfly

Glad to hear Momís on the mend. Assisted living sounds like the best approach for now, and hey the private pay - donít sweat the small stuff. In 10 years that money wonít even be a blip. Still, it will be nice to get back on insurance.

I really like your boundaries on your resources - money, time, and health.

exbf and other friend wanting cash for unsolicited work. Yeah, doesnít sound like you have time or money for that at the moment.

Your cousin and work/boss was handled very well also. Good for you, donít need all that unsolicited stress either.

Talking to son about his loan, thatís a harder one for sure. Itís needed, for both of you, and it appears it was well received. Yay! Victories.

Divorces and their gifts, strange indeed. And valuable.

Nice to hear about you and friend.

Have a wonderful day.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S18 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: Worried Moon [Re: bttrfly] #2868516
10/16/19 11:08 PM
10/16/19 11:08 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,918
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline OP
Member
bttrfly  Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,918
Massachusetts
well. what a day! moved mom to assisted living. not a good plan. the apartment was set up for right side dominant transfer (her injury is on the right side). not enough grab bars, so she'd require two people assistance. place can only offer one person.

the nurse there was super supportive. I said this isn't going to work. she agreed and wondered why they didn't order PT to strengthen her upper body and left leg. I called the surgeon who immediately sent an order. so she's back on skilled services, she's back in rehab, her old room/bed and all unpacked. LONG DAY.

I lost an entire work day's wages, but saved mom several thousand dollars.

Wish I'd followed my gut and called the surgeon last Friday. This would have been avoided and she would have had therapy instead of sitting around since last Friday.

Live and Learn.

Son is dining with exh tonight.

So tired, going to go do some organizing in my room so I can feel like I'm taking care of myself.


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


ďYour task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.Ē - Rumi
Re: Worried Moon [Re: bttrfly] #2868628
10/17/19 06:13 PM
10/17/19 06:13 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,579
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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job  Offline

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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,579
Southern Maryland
I am so sorry that your mother is having a time getting things set up the proper way for her. It's very stressful on her, but on you as well. I hope that things will settle down and she will be more comfortable and get the additional PT she needs.

I do hope and pray that you get a break very soon from all of the stress that you are dealing with these days. I can't even imagine what you are going through.

Please, please take care of yourself.

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