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We've been together for a bit over two years. It took a while and a couple of "break ups" because of his uncertainty about life, plus some of my issues like anxiety and depression that definitely took a toll on our relationship. However, we finally moved in together last October and things were great. We were starting to talk marriage and he said he was committed to making it work with me. For work/visa issues, I had to leave the country for five months. After a while it seemed like I was not going to be able to come back, not even marriage would solve this issue of mine, so he ended things. However, he stayed in touch with me, checking on me every other day and having long talks on the phone, joking, having fun. Then I was able to come home. It seemed like things were good between us again and we both felt happy. It was like we learned to handle our conflicts and differences in a much better way than before I left but then he said he still thinks we should break up. This was during a conversation in which we talked about how we were doing so well, then I got a bit carried away by emotion and pushed for answers. After that, he kept being sweet but a couple of days later he started being cold again. Now it seems like he has a game of hot and cold with me.

He said he feels like we're good together but right now he needs to be alone. He said that he feels trapped because he has to think of me and my emotions more than his and that he feels responsible for taking care of me. I don't see how any of those things make sense since he is acting differently. I came back with zero expectations of things working out between us, but he voluntarily wants to watch shows with me, go have lunch or dinner, takes care of me when sick, has not seen his friends and instead stays and hangs out with me and our dog, he tries to make me laugh and smile, even if he doesn't have to, he did not go to the guest room like he said he would. He voluntarily comes to bed every night, hugs me in the morning, kisses me before and after work. I have been pushy many times in the past but since I came back about a month ago I haven't been.

When we had our last "talk" he mentioned my flaws and issues, and I mentioned his, which made him ask me "so why do you want to be with someone like me, someone with so many issues? why do you want me to be around you or in your life if I don't do anything?" I said simply his presence is valuable to me and that I appreciate him for who he is as a whole, not for what he does, but it's like he doesn't believe me.

He mentioned i've changed for better, he feels more comfortable, more like himself, but then he just says we should break up. He said it was kind of like "it'll end at some point so why bother?" Right now he is in France, has to go on a work trip and family vacation. I used to be clingy and somewhat mean whenever he had to leave since I had a bad fear of abandonment, but this time I drove him to the airport, gave him a kiss goodbye, and told him to have fun. He seemed to appreciate that. I haven't talked to him cause I just don't feel like it, I just feel like some resentment for how he is hot and cold like he doesn't care about my feelings. He tells me things are good between us but then says one of us should move out, it hurts. I don't want to push and want to give him space. Maybe it's my wishful thinking that hopes he'll want to at least work on things when he comes back. I'm scared of being pushy again. He sent me a few snaps, asked about the dog, sent me pictures of the cool views he has, he knows I love things like that.

Could this simply be a stage after me being gone for 5 months? If he were bad for me or we were just bad together i'd leave, but things work, I've seen it. It's just like every time things are good and stable, he finds a reason to freak out.

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Welcome to the board

Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

Yes first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by MWD
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/
http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm

and Michele's articles
http://www.divorcebusting.com/articles.htm

You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts
(for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support).
Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active,
and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.
Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come!
Most important - POST!

Get out and Get a Life (GAL).

DETACH.

Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.

Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:

I would start with Sandi's Rules
A list of dos and don'ts for the LBS (left behind spouse)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553072#Post2553072

Going Dark
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095

Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414

Validation Cheat Sheet: Techniques and tips on how to validate (showing your walk away spouse (WAS) that you recognize and accept his or her opinions as valid, even if you do not agree with them)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457566#Post2457566

Boundaries Cheat Sheet
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536096#Post2536096

Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553153#Post2553153

For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife by sandi2
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545554#Post2545554

Resource thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...ain=57819&Number=2578224#Post2578224

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1

Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764

Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574

The Lighthouse Story
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2484619#Post2484619

Your H or W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.
USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


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I think my partner has a strong fear of commitment and intimacy. I know he loves me and cares, but it's so hard when he keeps finding reasons to keep his distance. Ultimately I know I'll be fine by myself, but I don't see why something good has to end when there are no particular reasons.

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Has anyone successfully handled this hot and cold behavior during divorce or separation?

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The best thing to do is give him the time and space he needs. It could be that when he's around you, he begins to realize that maybe he's making a huge mistake and then he has to back paddle because he then remembers that he's not suppose to have those warm and fuzzy feelings for you. The hot/cold behavior is very common w/many of them.

Keep the focus on you and make sure you keep a close eye on bank accounts, credit cards, etc.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Yeah, it's something like that. Like he opens up and enjoys it and looks for me, but then withdraws, then I keep acting indifferent so he tests the waters again and then withdraws. It hurts a lot. Does it ever end?

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Agree with job.

Focus on YOU and don't - however tempting it is - dwell or analyse what he's doing. You start convincing yourself of things that you cannot prove and it drives you mad.

Hot and Cold is normal.


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
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Yeah, this makes sense. It's like he catches himself enjoying things too much so he pulls away, but then comes back to test the waters, then withdraws again. I'm trying to remain consistent, but on the inside, it hurts. Does this ever end?

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Some people have told me I have to give him an ultimatum and say something like "If we are not together, stop acting like a couple" and go sleep in the other room while finding a place to live, but it feels like it would have the opposite effect, I know I wouldn't like to receive an ultimatum like this. He voluntarily comes to bed next to me every night, asks to watch stuff with me or go places together. I'm scared of him coming back and not knowing how to react. I'm focusing on me, doing therapy, reading, watching stuff, hanging out with friends, but he is in the back of my mind. I feel tired of the on and off and not knowing how he'll react, I just wish I could somehow end this rollercoaster.

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Don't use an ultimatum unless you really mean it, it is a lot of pressure.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Should we keep sleeping together and having sex? I'm scared he'll be only using me for company and not care about me much. Maybe this fear is part of what changed things between us so much.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to act when he comes back home? I've shut down emotionally and I'm guessing he has too, but I also know this doesn't help to save a relationship.

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My partner decided he was done with our relationship a few months ago. I was abroad for different reasons and didn't know if I'd be able to come home. After a few more weeks I was able to come home and little by little it seemed like we were fine as a couple, but after a couple of weeks he said he was still determined to end things and one of us should move out by the end of the month, most likely me since I'm the one with the lower income.

After a couple of days, he was back to normal, often trying to make me laugh, hold me, kiss me, and so on. Then he did it again and said the classic "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore". I kept going with my life the way I had been, doing my own thing, focusing on myself, not letting him see me sad or anything like that. He had to travel for a couple of weeks in this period and I thought it would be good since it would help me focus on myself, and I had a good time with friends and just enjoying alone time. He was sending pictures, calling every three days or so, he even brought me gifts, said he missed me and came back very loving and sweet.

I haven't talked about the relationship since he went ILYBINILWY, it's been about a month. Basically our days go like this, we wake up, go to work, he drives me to work since I don't have a car at the moment, even though I've never asked him to drive me and he wasn't doing it before going on his trip, he kisses me goodbye, we eat dinner together, he sits by me when I'm watching something on TV and tries to stay close, he comes to bed with me without me saying anything, he has never gone to the guest room, he cuddles me every night. A few nights ago he even put his head on my lap when we were watching TV, he put his head on my chest in bed a couple of times, he hadn't done that in months. It seems like the less I try to go to him, the more he comes.

He also seems to be defensive, like looking for small things to react and see if I'm picking a fight. For example today he came home after work and I was in the room, I went out and said hi but I didn't go say hi with a hug or a kiss so he went "You don't come and say hi to me anymore?" or two days ago he told me about something he wanted to work on in his car and I was listening but don't know anything about cars so I was just saying "okay" and he went "it sounds like you're just agreeing but you don't care"so I hugged him a bit and said "it sounds like you're a bit sensitive today, but that's okay, we all have those days" and he kissed my forehead and said "Yeah, maybe you're right, I just need to relax a little". Little incidents like that that make me somewhat anxious but that I seem to be handling better.

Anyway, today he almost called me wifey again but he stopped himself and started laughing afterward, I also laughed a little cause it felt silly, but it also hurt me that he just doesn't want to give me a label anymore. It's like in every aspect we are together, but I don't feel like asking or anything since I might trigger the same response from him about ending things for sure.

Does anyone have any encouragement for moments like this? When you feel like everything is going right but then there's small setbacks that feel too big to handle.

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Welcome Uptown. So sorry you are here but really glad you found this forum as early as you have. You sound like you are doing pretty well and your sitch sounds salvageable if you play your cards right. Whatever you do... do not initiate any R talks and do not beg, plead or seem needy in any way. The better you are able to GAL and do your 180s, the better your chances are to save your M. Don’t do anything voluntarily. If he wants someone to move out, let him do the heavy lifting on that one. Give him as much time and space as you can and use that time to rediscover the person you were when you met...the one he fell in love with. Remember...you always want what you can’t have. He is expecting you to fall apart. Do not do it. Just keep doing what you are doing. Like you said... “the less I try to go to him, the more he comes”. Human nature. Read everything that is available to you on here. This is not something that gets resolved overnight. Plan to be in it for the long haul and stay the course. Best of luck to you. (((HUGS)))

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Hi Uptown

Sorry to see you're here, but it's a great forum with plenty of people who will support and listen to you.

You'll shortly get a post from Cadet with a welcome and some really useful info. I'd go ahead right now and start reading Sandi's 37 rules and other posts in the sticky section at the top of Newcomers page.

It sounds like you're pretty much doing the right actions, but again read through Sandi's rules for proper guidance.

It will also assist if you give a bit of background to your situation, and add some details in the footer section of your profile such as ages, relationship dates, kids etc.

The defensiveness and seeking to pick fights could be him trying to manufacture a situation whereby you react in a way that in his mind justifies his decision about you

Keep your chin up and stay strong Uptown!

Cheers D


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
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BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
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I have merged your two threads together. Please stick to one thread until you have reached 100 postings/replies. You can change your subject line within the thread at any time.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Is it normal to be scared that he might be leading me on or using me somehow but that he actually doesn't care about me or us together? I'm scared he might be just taking advantage of the convenience of having me home but I don't know how rational this fear is.

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Just take a step back and focus on yourself. Be the best version of yourself you can be. Thats all you can do. Remove all expectations of what you think should happen and just let him be. Let him go to get him back.

If its meant to be and if he truly loves you, he will let you know. You cannot control him or the outcome of this situation. You can control one thing, you. So work on yourself. Read all of the links. It seems as you arent married. However, the dynamics are just about the same.


M:16
T:21
H(me) 38
WW: 38
S11 D16 D19
Red Flags of A: March 2018
ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018
Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018
BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018
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Thanks SoTorn, I keep doing that but sometimes doubt creeps in.

Do you have any advice on physical affection? He is very affectionate lately, but he also responds when I go for a hug, no kissing though, only to say hello and goodbye. Is that all good? I don't want to be too cold, but i also don't want to seem like I'm chasing.

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Hey Up,

Sorry you find yourself here. Have you read the book Divorce Remedy? If not, I would start there.

Thorn

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Bf really got on my nerves today and I don't know how that will affect everything.

He woke up early for work and insisted again and again that I should wake up too so that he could drive me. I thought he was just being considerate so I finally accepted and got up, even though it's one hour earlier before I was supposed to be at work. Because of this I was kind of moody and not in the mood to talk or deal with jabs. We're walking out of the apartment and he says " You walk fast when you're not on instagram" which sounds stupid, but I really am just fed up with him complaining about how much time I am on my phone, especially since it's not much and I never judge what he does in his free time. So I reacted angrily and we didn't talk the whole way to work. He barely kissed me goodbye and drove away. Now I think we'll both be annoyed about this and it might be the negative reaction he was expecting from me.

Is there anything I can do to avoid making this worse?

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I got a bit needy today and I could tell it didn't have a good effect on him. I asked if he wanted to do something or hang out, he said he wanted to go take care of the car and things like that and he didn't want to do anything with me. That hurt a lot.

I think I'm kinda losing hope and interest. This is very tiring. Anyone else tired of going through this?

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Sure you are tired of this because you are expecting instant results and it takes lots and lots of time to turn things around.

You need to detach and go about your life. You need to give him plenty of space and time. He can't miss you or the things that you use to do if you are asking him to do things. One of the hardest things to do is go back to where it all began in your relationship. You use to be independent and did things for yourself w/o him being around...that is what you need to do now. When he sees that you are going about your business and not giving a fig as to what he is doing, he just might become curious and want to do things w/you.

They can't stand their partners being needy. They are at this time very selfish and self-centered and do not have any interest in satisfying someone else or their wants/needs....they can only focus on themselves.

Keep your expectations at zero at all times and you won't get disappointed, hurt of upset when he says no.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks job!

You're right. I think the reason why I was able to make progress in the past few weeks is because I was doing my own thing, he was the one coming to me and trying to talk and hang out. I'll keep focusing on long term results instead of immediate ones. I hope this little incident won't affect my progress. What should i do about physical affection? He wants me to hold him and touch him a lot. i usually agree, but is that bad?

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He came back from running errands and said that after his trip we never talked about us. I asked what he wanted to say, he said I should move out by the end of the month (the reason why I'm the one who needs to move out is because my income is not enough to pay for this place).

I said I didn't think there was anything else I needed to say, he said I hadn't argued about it or said anything regarding that subject so he was just wondering. I said I had nothing else to add. I kind of froze because things had been good between us the past few weeks so it was kind of unexpected. I also didn't want to just start crying and all that so I stayed quiet. Then he tried to get me to watch a movie but it was in a different language so I told him I wasn't following and i'd rather not watch it. I came to the room and I'm watching something else on my own.

What reaction should I have had? I don't know what else to do or say. It's like he expected me to say something or try to change his mind or something, which I obviously want him to do, but I can't just say anything anyway.

Any advice?

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Yes. Show him what life without you looks like. Don’t be cold. Act as if you understand and agree with him. Your goal should be to get him to feel like you agree and that you are going to go on with your life.

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Thanks Thornton!

Would you say the way I reacted was good? I don't want to make him think I don't care at all, but I know being needy and begging has the opposite effect.

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I couldn’t sleep very well. He came to bed and tried to cuddle and have sex. It was hurtful. I barely slept.

I felt like staying in bed and sleeping all day, but I got dressed up and left the house. He asked why I was so dressed up and I said I was going out. He asked where I was going and I just said brunch and left.

I came to my favorite bookstore and I’m on my second cup of coffee. I’m sad, but I won’t let this get the best of me again.

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Good for you, Up! Make him wonder. Keep detaching and showing him what life without you is like.

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Finally came home. He barely looked at me and did not even move. I’m guessing I’m doing something right lol

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Good stuff!

How’s detaching coming along? Have you read Cadets thread about detaching?

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Yes, I read it. I'm trying my best to keep detaching. I have been trying for about a month now, but it's hard because he keeps coming after me. He was being sweet and kind, it seemed like things were going to be just fine, until Saturday after he ran some errands and brought up the subject of moving out again.

Yesterday I went and did my own thing, came home and read a little before watching some tv, but he acts so angry now. He accused me of ignoring him all day and doesn't talk to me at all. I thought he'd go to the guest room, but he didn't, he came back to bed but would not let me touch him and even had pillows between us. He hadn't done that in the past few weeks. This morning he woke up and found himself touching me so he pulled away and got up, took care of everything as if I weren't even in the house and left. I don't understand why he is so angry or complains about me "ignoring him" when he doesn't even want us to be together.

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I can see how that would be confusing, Uptown.

Your H sounds very conflicted, there's no telling why he is acting this way. Please realize that there is nothing you can do to change his behavior. But you can control how you react to it.

Keep doing your own thing, if he's still talking about leaving, then show him what things will be like if you aren't around.

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Yes, I keep focusing on work and other hobbies. Why do you think he's conflicted?

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Originally Posted by uptown
Yes, I keep focusing on work and other hobbies. Why do you think he's conflicted?


It does not matter whether he is conflicted or not. Let him go through his journey and you focus on yourself. If you try to start dissecting what is happening in his brain, even if you justify it as mere curiosity, you cannot detach.

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Yesterday after work I got a couple of books and went home. A few minutes after I got there and took care of the dog, he walked in. He asked me a couple of things about the dog and came to the room, then he made a joke. He asked me about my dad, he's got cancer and just had a surgery, and I teared up a little telling him the new information I had. Then we went to the living room and he said "You suck" and started laughing, I laughed too and asked him what he meant.

He said I had been completely distant and he felt invisible, and that he understood if I wanted to move on and we could sleep in separate rooms and be like awkward roommates but that he was too tired to talk about it and didn't want to make an effort to look for solutions. I said "Yeah, I'm kind of tired too" and left to go read. Two minutes later he came into the room and asked for a hug and said he thought I'd be taking a nap and then joked a little about my sleeping habits. After hugging me for two minutes he then said he'd go to work on something and we spent the rest of the evening doing our own thing. At night he asked what I wanted to do for dinner. Afterwards he insisted on watching one of my tv shows in bed and then cuddled me until we fell asleep. He still calls me by one of our pet names, which makes it all so confusing.

He is definitely conflicted, and I know there's nothing I can do about it except to keep focusing on my own thing. I feel like I'm running out of time since it's almost the end of the month.

Anyway, I post everything here because I don't know where else to put these thoughts and have people understand what the process is like.

Last edited by uptown; 09/24/19 01:26 PM.
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Hi Uptown,

Very bizarre behavior from your H, I can see why you would feel unsettled. How old is your H? Has he exhibited behavior like this in the past?

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He's 27. He had never been so weird before. I know he's in general uncomfortable with intense feelings and needs to approach things slowly. He comes from a pretty messed up family and had a really sad childhood so I know things like that affect how he relates to people.

I honestly think this whole thing is because of his issues, and it seems like he has depression also, which is something my therapist has mentioned too. I kind of want to confront him about it and say I care about him a lot and only want his happiness, but he needs to get some help. Do you think that's advisable?

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Yesterday he was a bit more affectionate after work, but we were each doing our own thing. We had dinner and then I came to the room to read and write a little. I was feeling kind of hopeless, even ready to move on. I started watching a show I've been watching that he started watching because of me and about 30 minutes later he came to the room and said I didn't wait for him. Got into bed and hugged me, we finished the show together and turned off the TV. He gave me the longest hug he has given me in weeks and caressed my hair before falling asleep. This morning he woke me up with a kiss on the cheek and tickled me a little before leaving cause he was late.

I came home and he said he was going out for dinner tonight, I took a step back and asked where he was going and he said I never tell him where I go so he didn't think he had to tell me, I made a joke about it and he told me he is going to a nice restaurant with a couple that is not nice to me at all. He's somewhat of an acquaintance to them and we've had riffs in our relationship because of how they act with me. They're not close friends so it's not a major problem, but I felt something really uncomfortable inside me when he told me he was going with them.

I know I shouldn't ask about hsi whereabouts and I should think of this as some alone time to do my own thing tonight, but it just feels really bad that he's going out with them and that he wants us to be done.

Again, just posting here for some encouragement and a chance to vent.

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Hi Uptown,

I’m so sorry you are here. I think it’s important to be honest with you, your H is displaying all the classic signs of having an affair. Go through all the threads here and you will see a common theme.

If he is cheating, your mission remains the same. Detach (let him go), work on healing yourself, and moving on without him. That’s the best recipe for getting him back.

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Hi Thornton,

See, that's the thing, we've clearly talked about whether we are attracted to other people and how to handle it and whatever. If anything, he is completely honest and would have told me from the start. He also spends all of his time at home or work, he doesn't even text or anything like that. It's work, video games, walking the dog. I know it sounds bad but if it were an affair I'd be relieved lol, I'd know it's not just illogical craziness that's making him be so ambivalent about us.

But yeah, I know I need to keep detaching. The reason why I post on this forum is because i can vent freely and get rid of the anxious or worried thoughts and keep going.

Thanks, thornton! How are things going for you?

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I’d be careful, Uptown.

You know what they say about cheaters? If their lips are moving, they’re lying. I’ve never seen a cheater admit to their partner that they were cheating, not once.

I hope I’m wrong but I smell a rat!

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Things have been okay in the past few days. We have been laughing a lot and have spent some more time together. I guess focusing more on myself has helped him focus on me, too. Yesterday he asked me to go run a couple of errands with him and in the car he hinted at me being his wife again. Because I've put the focus on me he's asked if I'm mad at him or something. I just asked "think about it, why would I be mad at you?" with a smile, so he smiled back and seemed to relax a little. He still cuddles me all night and we had sex a couple of times this weekend, also. My therapist said we are the least broken up couple she's heard of, which is true. I guess I'm mostly wondering when he'll bring up the separation again because I know that is still an ongoing thought for him.

He also seems to be pushing my buttons, pushing for things that would normally make me mad or annoy me and then see my reaction. I stay pretty chill when he does and do not react, I actually have the opposite reaction, I seem happy and confident.

I guess things are going well, but more time is necessary. I like this board because we're all going through similar stuff but no one just says "just move on". Keep your encouragement coming, if you can! Or any advice you might think will help in these situations.

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Things seem to be improving, Up! Nice work!

My best advice is to keep doing what works. Also, be very careful that you don’t get comfortable and fall back into old patterns, it’s very easy to do if you aren’t paying attention. What are you doing to ensure your changes stick?

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I think the changes I've made are lasting, that's why we've been able to manage even when things seem rough. Even if it hurts, I try to take care of myself and not to let my anxiety and fear rule the show. I've been reading a lot, which always helps me feel better. Plus taking baths, going on walks, small things that keep my mood regulated. I'm hoping that if I stay stable he'll be able to get off the rollercoaster himself.

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He requested money for rent again, which is normal since he usually pays and we split the bills. Or at least that's what we used to do. When he said we were done he said he'd take care of everything until I found a place to live. Now that he's closer, maybe it's an indication that he wants things to go back to normal? I don't know what to think and my anxiety is pretty bad today, although I'm not showing it in front of him.
He came home and wanted to watch TV in bed, he seems to be stressed out or tired. After we finished the episode he asked if I wanted to go grab dinner instead of cooking, and I said yes. I'm wondering if he's trying to bring up R talk again and he wants to do it in a public place so that I don't cry. Maybe I'm being too negative. I don't want to get my hopes up so I think of the worst case scenario. It's stressful!

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He didn't bring up R talk last night, but he did today. Still hasn't changed his mind and I told him I'd find a place to live soon. It's sad, but it might be for the best.

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