Yes, I read it. I'm trying my best to keep detaching. I have been trying for about a month now, but it's hard because he keeps coming after me. He was being sweet and kind, it seemed like things were going to be just fine, until Saturday after he ran some errands and brought up the subject of moving out again.
Yesterday I went and did my own thing, came home and read a little before watching some tv, but he acts so angry now. He accused me of ignoring him all day and doesn't talk to me at all. I thought he'd go to the guest room, but he didn't, he came back to bed but would not let me touch him and even had pillows between us. He hadn't done that in the past few weeks. This morning he woke up and found himself touching me so he pulled away and got up, took care of everything as if I weren't even in the house and left. I don't understand why he is so angry or complains about me "ignoring him" when he doesn't even want us to be together.
Your H sounds very conflicted, there's no telling why he is acting this way. Please realize that there is nothing you can do to change his behavior. But you can control how you react to it.
Keep doing your own thing, if he's still talking about leaving, then show him what things will be like if you aren't around.
Yes, I keep focusing on work and other hobbies. Why do you think he's conflicted?
It does not matter whether he is conflicted or not. Let him go through his journey and you focus on yourself. If you try to start dissecting what is happening in his brain, even if you justify it as mere curiosity, you cannot detach.
Yesterday after work I got a couple of books and went home. A few minutes after I got there and took care of the dog, he walked in. He asked me a couple of things about the dog and came to the room, then he made a joke. He asked me about my dad, he's got cancer and just had a surgery, and I teared up a little telling him the new information I had. Then we went to the living room and he said "You suck" and started laughing, I laughed too and asked him what he meant.
He said I had been completely distant and he felt invisible, and that he understood if I wanted to move on and we could sleep in separate rooms and be like awkward roommates but that he was too tired to talk about it and didn't want to make an effort to look for solutions. I said "Yeah, I'm kind of tired too" and left to go read. Two minutes later he came into the room and asked for a hug and said he thought I'd be taking a nap and then joked a little about my sleeping habits. After hugging me for two minutes he then said he'd go to work on something and we spent the rest of the evening doing our own thing. At night he asked what I wanted to do for dinner. Afterwards he insisted on watching one of my tv shows in bed and then cuddled me until we fell asleep. He still calls me by one of our pet names, which makes it all so confusing.
He is definitely conflicted, and I know there's nothing I can do about it except to keep focusing on my own thing. I feel like I'm running out of time since it's almost the end of the month.
Anyway, I post everything here because I don't know where else to put these thoughts and have people understand what the process is like.
He's 27. He had never been so weird before. I know he's in general uncomfortable with intense feelings and needs to approach things slowly. He comes from a pretty messed up family and had a really sad childhood so I know things like that affect how he relates to people.
I honestly think this whole thing is because of his issues, and it seems like he has depression also, which is something my therapist has mentioned too. I kind of want to confront him about it and say I care about him a lot and only want his happiness, but he needs to get some help. Do you think that's advisable?
Yesterday he was a bit more affectionate after work, but we were each doing our own thing. We had dinner and then I came to the room to read and write a little. I was feeling kind of hopeless, even ready to move on. I started watching a show I've been watching that he started watching because of me and about 30 minutes later he came to the room and said I didn't wait for him. Got into bed and hugged me, we finished the show together and turned off the TV. He gave me the longest hug he has given me in weeks and caressed my hair before falling asleep. This morning he woke me up with a kiss on the cheek and tickled me a little before leaving cause he was late.
I came home and he said he was going out for dinner tonight, I took a step back and asked where he was going and he said I never tell him where I go so he didn't think he had to tell me, I made a joke about it and he told me he is going to a nice restaurant with a couple that is not nice to me at all. He's somewhat of an acquaintance to them and we've had riffs in our relationship because of how they act with me. They're not close friends so it's not a major problem, but I felt something really uncomfortable inside me when he told me he was going with them.
I know I shouldn't ask about hsi whereabouts and I should think of this as some alone time to do my own thing tonight, but it just feels really bad that he's going out with them and that he wants us to be done.
Again, just posting here for some encouragement and a chance to vent.
I’m so sorry you are here. I think it’s important to be honest with you, your H is displaying all the classic signs of having an affair. Go through all the threads here and you will see a common theme.
If he is cheating, your mission remains the same. Detach (let him go), work on healing yourself, and moving on without him. That’s the best recipe for getting him back.
See, that's the thing, we've clearly talked about whether we are attracted to other people and how to handle it and whatever. If anything, he is completely honest and would have told me from the start. He also spends all of his time at home or work, he doesn't even text or anything like that. It's work, video games, walking the dog. I know it sounds bad but if it were an affair I'd be relieved lol, I'd know it's not just illogical craziness that's making him be so ambivalent about us.
But yeah, I know I need to keep detaching. The reason why I post on this forum is because i can vent freely and get rid of the anxious or worried thoughts and keep going.
