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My step son was 6 when I first started dating his mother, he was much like you describe her son. I get that it bothers you, you’re used to your two girls (which are girls and yours) but he’s a young boy, completely different. Don’t let that be a barrier to moving forward; for now, let her take the responsibility for him, as long as he isn’t “harassing” your girls, not your problem. If you two progress, she will likely be ok with you being a parental figure and in my experience, boys respond well to a father figure. It’s not always easy, but you will gain his respect and he will likely start following the example you present of how a male acts.

My best suggestion fo now, tire him out.. throw a football (make him run for passes), teach him how to catch/hit a baseball, challenge him physically and he will start to focus.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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Thanks Nut......yeah, I stay out of it, I don't get involved. If she asks me a question I will give her my opinion but other than that I am hands off. When he wants to play, rough house, etc. I immediately stop when he starts to fuss/get upset. That usually happens when I push back a little. For example, I was riding a tube on the lazy river and he wanted me to go under the waterfall so he was pushing me towards it. So I was like "ok buddy, if I am going your coming with me". So I got him on the tube and was holding him there as he was trying to get away. Obviously I am stronger than him so that wasn't going to happen so when he realized he couldn't get away he told me to stop and started crying. I immediately let him go and then his mom grabbed him and took him under the waterfall with her and then he told her she was being mean.

Afterwards she told me he gets upset when things don't go his way and he has to learn that when you are playing around things are going to happen. That he has to get used to it as that is part of horsing around.

Again he is not a bad kid, not mean or angry but this is probably an adjustment for him since he is used to being the King of his little castle with his mom, sister, and Grandma all treating him like he is the greatest thing since sliced bread as he is the only Grandchild in the family. I am very aware of it which is why I am not moving fast with creating this immediate, blended family. My girls are different as they are used to not always getting what they want because they have each other. I have also noticed him competing with me as well as his mom is giving me attention. Again, I am very aware. My oldest was trying to braid the Dr's. hair and when he came up he would have no part of it and in his own little way grabbed his mom's hair so that interfered with what my daughter was trying to do. My oldest looked at me like WTF and I just told her that it was ok and I got her mind focused on something else.

So far he is not into sports, she is putting him in swim lessons but he doesn't want to do anything that he could potentially lose at. He is in Cub Scouts, his mom has him in the Spanish program at school, and she reads bible verses to him every night and he memorizes them. So I guess he is sort of a nerd I guess or maybe forced into that roll by his mom. Maybe in the fall, when it gets cooler here in TX, I can see if he would engage in playing a sport.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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If she would be ok with it, Karate is a great activity, teaches discipline and gain self confidence.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
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I think she has tried that as his one little friends in 2nd grade is involved with it. For some reason he does not want to participate in any sport where he might be subjected to lose or not achieve something at. He takes swimming lessons but has no desire to be part of the swim team. He is also the type of kid that would just say "no, I don't want to do it" because it is some else's idea.

I was wearing a hat in the pool and he kept on trying to come up and take it off my head. At first he would swim up, be all nice to me but in his mind was plotting the perfect opportunity to take it off my head. When I wouldn't let him do it, he then started giggling, laughing, like that was his out to defuse the situation but he kept on trying to take it off my head until his mom stepped in and told him to stop. Finally, I let him have it just so he could get the satisfaction of actually making it happen.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
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I’m going to challenge you for a second and kind of just ask you a question.

You say everyone treats his son like a king and he wants to control all situations and everything needs to go his way.

In your last sentence you finally gave in to let him have the satisfaction.

Isn’t that what everyone does for him? You just did it too.

I imagine it’s the easier way when you just don’t want to deal anymore.

Also, M had made it very clear to me that I would never be discipling his child. He made it clear in a passive aggressive way, but he made it clear. Perhaps very very gently would be ok, but otherwise, it was a nope. I was scared to say anything to the kid that might be along the lines of a “no” there a few times I also had to tell my daughter “just let him” when it really wasn’t fair. I felt bad, but my daughter is much older and she could handle it better. M also treated his son like he was the boss and gets to make all the choices. Probably why his kid was getting in trouble in preschool. He didn’t get what he wanted and acted out. He was used to getting what he wanted.

Anyways, I know the doctor is much more flexible in allowing you to stop unruly behavior and she probably wants some help. M’s son walked on water and he was the best parent alive according to himself. So I basically couldn’t say boo.

Do you feel afraid of not giving him his way because his mom might not like it? If you want to change the behavior then you might have to be the first one not to let him get his way. And might not want to tell your girls to let him have his way too. They are pretty much the same age and they are dealing with a very immature kid, but not one who is so much younger.

I’m just saying , if you see all of you living in the same house one day, his behavior won’t be as sustainable for you or your girls if he doesn’t get a little tough love. Easy now when you just hang out. But living together? Might want to nip that one in the bud.

Blending families is HARD

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G.....in those moments what goes on in my head are two thing.

1. I don’t want to be moms mean BF that just comes in and lays down the law.

2. I don’t want him running to his dad, aunt, or grandma telling them what I did or how I made him mad.

If we were living together, married, etc. it would be a different story but at this juncture I might only see him once or twice a month so I just don’t feel the time is right.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
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Totally get it. It’s tough. When you talk about living together, maybe at that point it would be good to talk about the proper role in his life.

Hey, M’s son was a good little kid. But having a weeks vacation, I realized it was M that was going to be the problem, not the kid. I realized I was going to just have to sit down and shut up and that’s not so easy all the time.

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She has told me in many ways that I am her choice but I am in no rush. There has also been no serious conversations about marriage, living together or child raising discussions. At this juncture it seems that both of us are on the same page regarding the speed of the R. I very much enjoy spending time with her but then being able to retreat to my house for some alone time. It is a perfect arrangement.........


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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kid sounds like he's got some traits that will turn into issues in a few years if not curbed.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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IMO he needs a strong male role model in his life which is something he does not have. He is adopted, has no R with his birth father, he was the only kid his birth mom put up for adoption, and he only sees his adopted father 4 times per month. His adopted father also plays a very minimal role in his life and does not participate in really any of his activities outside of when it is his weekend to have him.

I think he is the type of kid that would react differently to male discipline vs female discipline. My mom never scared me but I knew I didn't jack with my dad. My dad didn't play...……..


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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