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Jac12 #2865309 09/14/19 12:31 PM
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Do what you feel is best. As long as you aren't doing it expecting a reaction from her and its for your emotional and mental health, then go for it. Just remember to focus on yourself.

I would stop talking to her family about this. It will honestly give her more justification because she will eventually blame you for trying to turn her family against her. Thats what my EXWW did when her family found out. Her family actually called me because they noticed something was up with her social media accounts.

I also closed my SM accounts. I didnt lie about what happened. She got very angry when I didnt lie for her.


M:16
T:21
H(me) 38
WW: 38
S11 D16 D19
Red Flags of A: March 2018
ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018
Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018
BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018
D Filed: March 27, 2019
Jac12 #2865310 09/14/19 12:57 PM
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That's good advice SoTorn...I will stop talking to her family about all of this. They've been on my side but of course that can change in a minute.


H 37
W 31
S 2

T: 7
M: 4

BD 12/18
Separated 2/19
Living back together 04/06/2019
W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Jac12 #2865789 09/19/19 02:58 PM
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Couple things: Sunday was her day with our Son and she left him with grandma for 7 hours so she could go to a race track with work friends. Her mom was not pleased. Her brother stopped by and also was not happy about this. He plans on giving her crap about it next time he sees her. He's very ticked off with how she's handling her mother duties.

I've made note of this for my Lawyer.

Last night I had some of her things packed up and she happily packed them into her car without my help. No big deal to her. It [censored] that she seems ok with everything on the outside. How can she be ok with seeing her kid maybe 50% of the time at best...I guess because whoever she is right now doesn't want the responsibility. She may stay this way or may come back.

I have to believe that she's with someone else and that's why she's ok with everything. I noticed she grabbed a few things from her nightstand including a bracelet and a bottle of lube for bj's. So that's great.

I see my Lawyer tomorrow to go over everything and see what the next steps are. I want this agreement done ASAP.


H 37
W 31
S 2

T: 7
M: 4

BD 12/18
Separated 2/19
Living back together 04/06/2019
W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Jac12 #2865792 09/19/19 03:06 PM
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Originally Posted by jac12
Couple things: Sunday was her day with our Son and she left him with grandma for 7 hours so she could go to a race track with work friends. Her mom was not pleased. Her brother stopped by and also was not happy about this. He plans on giving her crap about it next time he sees her. He's very ticked off with how she's handling her mother duties.


That's the only day she had him all week? WOW. That just blows my mind, my XW became someone else but at least she continued to be a great mother (still is). It always astonishes me to read some of these stories about WAS's that basically abandon their kids but unfortunately it does happen.

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I've made note of this for my Lawyer.


Good!

Quote
Last night I had some of her things packed up and she happily packed them into her car without my help. No big deal to her. It [censored] that she seems ok with everything on the outside. How can she be ok with seeing her kid maybe 50% of the time at best...I guess because whoever she is right now doesn't want the responsibility. She may stay this way or may come back.


Yes exactly. She probably will return to her old self later, maybe completely or maybe only partially. It took my XW years and I'd say she's maybe 50% of who she was. Some days it seems like 75% and other days 25% though.

Hang in there, you'll come out of this a happier person I'm sure but it'll take a while!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
Jac12 #2865810 09/19/19 05:36 PM
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Thanks AS - I always appreciate your insight.


H 37
W 31
S 2

T: 7
M: 4

BD 12/18
Separated 2/19
Living back together 04/06/2019
W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Jac12 #2865956 09/20/19 07:55 PM
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I had another visit with my L today to go over a response to her L. I feel stronger after this visit.

Here are the details:

Custody: It looks like we will probably have joint custody but my S will live with me and she can have her visits just like we currently are doing (Wed/Sun for Ex-W). If it went to court I would have a very strong case with the changes I made to look after our son, her mental health struggles (our family doctor referred her to a psychiatrist that she has yet to see), the current status quo that we agree upon, and her skipping out on days with our son. My L believes they are unlikely to change the current setup since it's working nice for our son.

She'll owe Child Support backdated to Feb 1 plus Spousal (which I'll take less to keep house and investments).

Getting the info really helps to move forward as I'm a little less worried about how things will shake out.

We may attempt to figure it out on our own but I don't think that will work so we are likely going to mediation in a couple of months.


H 37
W 31
S 2

T: 7
M: 4

BD 12/18
Separated 2/19
Living back together 04/06/2019
W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Jac12 #2866223 09/23/19 10:56 PM
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Update:

My WAW lost her job today. They let 8 people go and she was one of them despite being #2 last year in revenue and #2 last month. She texted me to let me know.

On top of that she received the response from my L today basically saying I wanted primary physical custody and that she took off on two of her full days with Kai so she could go out with friends for the day (basically saying she's a disinterested mom).

It's a good thing her mom is staying with her for a few days.

I'm not sure how this is going to affect our separation agreement but I'm sure it will. Life gets better every day.

On the positive side I won a golf tournament today and picked up $2500 so that helps.


H 37
W 31
S 2

T: 7
M: 4

BD 12/18
Separated 2/19
Living back together 04/06/2019
W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Jac12 #2866717 09/29/19 12:29 AM
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My W and I are trying to discuss the separation agreement. We've had a couple chats over the last few days and it's interesting to see the things she's admitting to.

1) She said her priorities were out of line for most of the past 10 months.
2) She agrees she acted in ways that she wouldn't now.
3) She said she needs to see the psychiatrist (important for our family/son to know as it may run in the family)
4) She said she needs to start consistent counselling
5) She mentioned she knows she has an issue with never being happy with what she has. This was related also to her body/skin. She's always getting haircuts/botox/2 breast augmentations...just isn't happy with herself.

She still is adamant that she wants to divorce and doesn't feel the same way about me. I expected her to say this of course. I still find it weird though that she doesn't even think it's possible that feeling could change as she works on her own issues.

Anyways, I think we will be able to agree on the financial implications but we'll be stuck on the custody arrangement I think. I won't accept anything less than primary physical custody and my case is strong.


H 37
W 31
S 2

T: 7
M: 4

BD 12/18
Separated 2/19
Living back together 04/06/2019
W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Jac12 #2866721 09/29/19 01:13 AM
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J,

She is making her decision based on emotions and not logic and reason. Time and space are the only things that turn these situations around long term.

Jac12 #2866738 09/29/19 11:06 AM
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Got it LH - I'm at the point now (10 months in) where I don't care as much as I used to about this working out. I feel separate from her. The plan is to just ride this out and see what happens. Either way I'll be fine.


H 37
W 31
S 2

T: 7
M: 4

BD 12/18
Separated 2/19
Living back together 04/06/2019
W Moved out again 07/15/2019
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