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Ginger1 #2862619 08/23/19 10:27 PM
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Wow. I’m very fortunate to have great support and advice.

I really think your explanations as to why and how are it. And I can live with those. I couldn’t live with a simple “ something is missing between us”so whether or not it’s true, I’m going with it. I can deal with it.

And his thoughts if he would haven told me he wasn’t able to live at my capacity or give me what I need. I would have taken a whole different route this time. My friend thinks he was afraid to tell me that because he thought I would say “ we can work it out” the truth is, I wouldn’t have said that. I was pretty done being treated the way I was. I would have said “ thank you for being honest because I do need what you can to give me in a relationship” because I really did . I would have let go because I knew what o needed.

Anyways, online dating I’vebeen doing for a while. In the year up to meetings M, it was my biggest dating year. I went on a lot of dates had not the best experiences and I’ve be certainly paid my dues. I met hot chocolate through my cousin who’s ended up being a pathological liar. I hadn’t my casual sex. I’ve been whatever. I’m so over it I guess. But. It’s much of a choice.

I’ve always fell into an odd category. I was divorced with a kid at an age where people were getting married. Then I was at an age where people were happy in their marriages. Now I’m coming to the divorced age. The newly divorced age. And I’ve been through it all. The guys I meet are just going through it and dealing with it or just avoiding dealing with it. I’m light years ahead of them. I guess I could up my age range. I love on a highly populated metropolitan area where there may Ben lots of guys, but it doesn’t increase the quality. It puts more insane fish in the sea. More pervs. More who don’t have their crap together. I live where the jersey shore types are. I live close to the NJ housewives love and I actually run into them in Starbucks. Actually someone I went to high school with dated one and was on the show. My friend literally moved to FL because the dating pool was awful. She had been on enough bad date s when couldn’t take it anymore. She moved to FL met a guy online pretty fast and is now getting married.

Sounds like excuses, but it’s the hard and fast truth.

I don’t know what the future holds. But it doesn’t look bleak regarding my dating life. I could probably have a whole bunch of casual hook up relationship...... I don’t want that. I’ve had enough .

Either way, M wasn’t it. He had some real potential for a while. I do believed he loved me. And in my heart of hearts do believe he will Ben the one who regret it and will born find a woman’s like me and what he had with me. I hope this fire was at least a wake up call about what’s important.

Ahhh, it’s friday bight and I’m in my jammies on my couch. Not anybody different than when I was dating M because Friday night was his, his night of rest and smoking a whole bunch of pot. Friday nights weren’t mine either. Sundays weren’t. Maybe I got a Saturday.

Tomorrow is work it day in the yard. Probably good if I get some rest.

Ginger1 #2862635 08/24/19 10:54 AM
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Welp. I felt it last night. I cried and I yelled . I read one of his break up texts. And I got angry. And I felt so hurt, like he was saying yeah, we didn’t really have anything and it was me and the connection wasn’t there. When all he said the whole time was that it was there and he always expressed he found what he was looking for. I gonna say that was a bunch of BS. I remember being in the R saying “someone finally chose me! I am the one they love! “ o had a hard time wrapping my head around that. But I loved it and I truly felt like I was the one for him. Stinks because he didn’t chose me. What we had he wasn’t sure of the whole time when I thought he was. When he told me he was. And then in one of his break up texts, he told me he wasn’t sure of what he wanted . When I told a friend the story at work, she said , what was missing was HIM!!!

I didn’t sleep because it was like o had a new born last night. My dog was up every few hours driving me nuts. He is a very needy dog. Maybe I’ll sneak a nap in today. The weather is gorgeous here. I’ll be outside most of the day. Looking forward to my dinner date with my friend. I just really want that feeling I had back last week. I need to find a way to get it back. It was awesome. Maybe I just need to remember there was a lot missing for me ME.

Onwards and upwards and upwards, one day at a time.

Ginger1 #2862640 08/24/19 11:49 AM
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What helps me, is I go through a list of all the undesirable stuff. All the stuff i didn’t like about him. All the ways he was a bad boyfriend or husband. Don’t focus on why he suddenly changed and discarded you. (Personality disordered people do that you know)

This guy had a lot.

1. He couldn’t empathize. Too many examples to even write about.
2. He was critical of you without being capable of looking at his own stuff.
3. He lived with his mom ( I know - I do too but I also know it looks horrible - and I’m embarrassed by it. He only has his kid 50 percent of the time I have my son 85 percent and my ex husband was depleting funds for years)
4. He has a drug problem
5. Did he physically take care of himself? I wasn’t sure about this one.
6. You guys went Dutch for most of the time or you took him out more (I think you mentioned this?)
7. You communicated your needs and he did not care. Instead he broke up with you.
8. He was selfish when you needed help during your health issues ( I told you the story of how my ex dealt with me when I was pregnant and had to have surgery)
9. He did not want to spend time with you and created clever ways to disappear.

I’m sure there’s more that you never mentioned on here to add to this list. He’s not capable of a healthy relationship with anyone. The fact that you guys lasted this long is a testament to you. Other women won’t put up with this. (My boss actually told me that about my ex husband when we were still married)

You were dating my ex husband.


I think in the beginning it’s easy to put on a mask. You liked and believed that mask. It’s not sustainable because that person you believed he was, wasn’t real. All these little things kept popping up and you ignored because the mask still was intact.

He just wasn’t whole and he didn’t deserve you


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Ginger1 #2862644 08/24/19 12:50 PM
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^^^What Juju said!

G, stop reading his stuff. I thought you’d deleted everything but you clearly didn’t. Why keep it? I said this yesterday and I’ll say it again. I do not think he lied to you when he said all those things. I think he truly felt them. I think ultimately, though, he realized that he couldn’t meet your expectations and it was likely easier to break up with you and say something was missing than to say he was unable to provide what you need. The something missing was ALL on his end. He is too selfish, too addicted to see past his own nose. I think if you’ll go back and read some of your own posts in the weeks prior to the break up, you’ll see how unhappy you were becoming in the situation and you’ll see that you were, yet again, compromising who you are and what you want to appease him. You are worth oh so much more!!!!!!!!!


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
Ginger1 #2862647 08/24/19 01:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
But I loved it and I truly felt like I was the one for him.

Hi Ginger. I'm glad you had a chance to have a good cry. It's therapeutic.

For me, I'm choosing the believe and accept the reality that I remember and felt both with B and my ex-wife. Yeah - there's a certain amount of self deception going on there undoubtely that for a newbie probably isn't a good idea. It may not work for you, but it's currently working for me. Then again, I'm a huge believer in the power of stories.

Because your own narrative has been consistent and something you believe, why not go with that? Sure the story has a confusing end to this current chapter but the author is undoubtedly setting up for something new and fabulous.

Enjoy your day, yard work can be very therapeutic as is time with good friends and yes, from time to time a good cry.

((Ginger))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Ginger1 #2862661 08/24/19 05:22 PM
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I know I keep going in circles and I need to stop. Those were screenshots of texts which I deleted

Juju, I like your list! It’s pretty darn accurate. So many things pointing towards selfishness and the inability to be a good partner.

I’m happier but I’m sadder. There is relief because I was getting frustrated. I’m just feeling the hole in my life I guess.

And god, I miss his son. I lost more than him. I wish I got to say goodbye but that probably wouldn’t have been good for either of us.

Ginger1 #2862728 08/25/19 03:50 PM
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I spent 3 hours on the yard and I’m really proud of the work I’ve done so far. It was good for the Sou.

My friend and I had a great dinner. Got home early and I fell asleep on the couch and eventually went to bed.

I am at work now and I feel a little better today. Did a lot of cleaning at home before work. I feel like I am getting somewhere.

I thought about one thing with M once. Nobody says something is just missing after a year. You say that in the beginning. More proof a bunch of BS.

Still dealing with this stuff in my head, but much better. I’m beginning to get a little more excited about what lies ahead for me. I usually don’t do well going into the holiday season. Last year was great, I was in a new relationship really enjoying myself. This year I am again single. But I have possibilities that are unknown to me and I’m kind of looking forward to them

Ginger1 #2862729 08/25/19 04:03 PM
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Oh, and my daughter is NYC right now with her friends waiting on line to meet eleven for stranger things. She is quite excited.

This series has brought out a love of 80’s music for the middle schoolers

Ginger1 #2862730 08/25/19 04:11 PM
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G....is what Ju wrote is accurate then this man clearly did you a favor. None of she wrote screams successful individual with a bright future ahead of him. You deserve so much better.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Ginger1 #2862749 08/25/19 07:39 PM
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Her list was right on point . And he did do me a favor. I know it. I feel a little foolish for always playing him up and leaving out the bad stuff. I think I was trying to convince myself. Just like I did with my ex.

What a day so far. I am covering the ER which is slow. I feel bad for my coworker who is covering the house so I took a call for her. It ended up being an involved mess with a doctor getting condescending with me on the phone. I put him in his place because I won’t deal with that . It is a doctor from an outside facility. Pretty sure he is going to try to report me tomorrow. Oh well. He was being a douche and not doing what was right for the patient.

I’m good news, my daughter met eleven from stranger things , got a picture with her and made her cosmetic line IG story. She’s the happiest kid in the world right now.

When I get down I look to my kid and know I did something right.

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