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A Message from Michele
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Re: How to be alone for the rest of my life [Re: kas99] #2862486
08/22/19 07:29 PM
08/22/19 07:29 PM
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kas99 Online OP
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I appreciate the advice. I am working so hard to learn and grow.

Triggers [Re: kas99] #2862493
08/22/19 09:57 PM
08/22/19 09:57 PM
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kas99 Online OP
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He ordered new checks. Every little thing he does feels like another nail in my coffin. I wonder if he left me for someone else. He's living in a camper so wouldn't he want his own place as soon as possible?

I'm getting emails, texts and phone calls from our rental company. We can move in 7 weeks. He can get his own place once we move. Are we moving??

Re: Triggers [Re: kas99] #2862496
08/22/19 10:44 PM
08/22/19 10:44 PM
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kas99 Online OP
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Ok sometimes I need to say positive things.

There is a 50% chance he will come back.

He knows I'm on new med's and that I'm not depressed. Is afraid I will revert back to old ways.

People generally try again when they believe "something" has changed.

Its too soon to reconcile anyway. I'm not ready.

Men come back more than women do.

I've gotten three weak "maybes" due to meds.

Said he had hope then said he was done. The key word here is "hope".

I owned my mistake (unusual for me). He was nice to me for a couple of weeks afterwards - NC since then (normal).

He waved at me as I drove by instead of getting the death stare.

There is a 99% chance I will feel a lot better in a year.

Re: Triggers [Re: kas99] #2862506
08/23/19 12:44 AM
08/23/19 12:44 AM
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kas99 Online OP
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Hereís a great positive!!

Before he left - kids all in their rooms. WAH and I sitting on the couch doing nothing. Boring.

Now - All the kids and I are sitting at the kitchen table doing homework, coloring and sharing memes. Itís 7:45 pm. D16 laughed until she cried over a video of a dog snoring.

This is great right??

Re: Triggers [Re: kas99] #2862510
08/23/19 01:39 AM
08/23/19 01:39 AM
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unchien Offline
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You are in the spin cycle of worrying about your husband. So I edited everything to take the focus off him.

Originally Posted by kas99
Ok sometimes I need to say positive things.

There is a 50% chance he will come back.

He knows I'm on new med's and that I'm not depressed. Is afraid I will revert back to old ways.

People generally try again when they believe "something" has changed.


Its too soon to reconcile anyway. I'm not ready.

Men come back more than women do.

I've gotten three weak "maybes" due to meds.

Said he had hope then said he was done. The key word here is "hope".


I owned my mistake (unusual for me). He was nice to me for a couple of weeks afterwards - NC since then (normal).

He waved at me as I drove by instead of getting the death stare.


There is a 99%100% chance I will feel a lot better in a year.



M: 11, T: 15
S7, D5, D3
MC1: 09/2018-01/2019
BD: 06/12/19
MC2: 06/12/19-??
S: 06/29/19-??
Re: Triggers [Re: kas99] #2862539
08/23/19 12:26 PM
08/23/19 12:26 PM
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kas99 Online OP
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Unchien this is my trauma induced so called love addiction, codependency, or what I like to call it ďI canít be without a man syndromeĒ. This is the longest Iíve ever been without a man in my life and if you followed my story Iíve already talked to a man for a couple of months since WAH left. It was an online thing but he was making plans to visit me in September. I got in deep so I stopped talking to him in July.

Iím detoxing.

Last edited by kas99; 08/23/19 12:35 PM.
Re: Triggers [Re: kas99] #2862555
08/23/19 02:06 PM
08/23/19 02:06 PM
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kas99 Online OP
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Unchien this man pursued me on another board and I jumped at the chance to avoid this pain. We'd text all day everyday. We'd talk on the phone. I would have kept going but he wanted an actual relationship. Go figure.

So now I miss him and WAH.

Until I stop needing a man to complete me it's best I not reconcile.

From what I've read detoxing is the hardest part.

Last edited by kas99; 08/23/19 02:08 PM.
Re: Triggers [Re: kas99] #2862563
08/23/19 02:50 PM
08/23/19 02:50 PM
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unchien Offline
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Kas - I would venture to say a lot of the men here have the same codependency [UC raises hand]

You speak about it almost like an addiction. I think there is truth to that. We get addicted to the validation we get from the opposite sex.

Detox is obviously an important step in overcoming addiction. But I think there is deeper work involved to really overcoming the core issues. I can't really speak to yours. I know I am paranoid about potentially falling into a rebound relationship and repeating all the same mistakes.


M: 11, T: 15
S7, D5, D3
MC1: 09/2018-01/2019
BD: 06/12/19
MC2: 06/12/19-??
S: 06/29/19-??
Re: Triggers [Re: kas99] #2862586
08/23/19 03:59 PM
08/23/19 03:59 PM
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kas99 Online OP
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Unchien I'm drowning. I'm struggling to get through the day without a man. The last day I talked to the other man was July 15th. I then started talking to another man right after him. I've been alone now for 30 days. Pathetic right?

I call it an addiction because of how it feels to stop and how I'm tempted. Men are my drug of choice.

It's only been a month so detoxing is where I'm at.

There are online support groups for people like me. Private ones of course and heavily moderated. Don't need men trolling for women like me. I need to get involved in one of those.

Last edited by kas99; 08/23/19 04:09 PM.
Re: Triggers [Re: kas99] #2862595
08/23/19 04:50 PM
08/23/19 04:50 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 377
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kas99 Online OP
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kas99  Online OP
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I don't get in trouble on the front page of a board like this it's when the private messages start. These relationships have a shelf life of a month unless I go further which I won't do. If I go further my chances of reconciliation drop to ZERO.

I'm not at risk for a rebound until WAH divorces me or I've decided he isn't coming back.

In my mind that is at most 10 months from now. If he hasn't come back by then he isn't coming back.

If he's coming back I've got 7-10 months to get my act together.

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