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A Message from Michele
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Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2861398
08/14/19 08:19 PM
08/14/19 08:19 PM
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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What a week....and it's only Wednesday. Fortunately, half of tomorrow and most of Friday are meetings that I just have to sit and listen through. I don't have to prep anything or talk or anything, just listen.

Our budgets, which were already cut July 1, were cut again this week by 50%. (Insert long, drawn out, ugly story about mishandling of funds in upper administration here.) What that means to me is a LOT of extra work because I'm the person in our department who does all the budget and purchasing stuff and now I have to fill out a justification form and wait for approval from the dean's office before I can purchase anything. Y'all, I kid you not, I just had to justify why I needed to order a box of paper clips. IN WRITING. I gave up half-way through the page long form and decided to just go to Walmart after work and buy the d@mn paper clips out of my own pocket, even though my boss REALLY does not like me doing that. This is going to be a LONG semester.

In addition I also found out yesterday that the lecture class I thought I was going to teach and earn extra money for was scratched from the schedule because they didn't need it and since we are in a budget crisis, they didn't want to pay extra for a class that was only half-full. UGH. I wasn't counting on that money, obviously, since I hadn't earned it yet, but it certainly would've been nice to have it to put toward the wedding.

Speaking of weddings, planning is rolling right along and Sparky and I are going to have a talk this weekend about getting an actual move-in plan set up. We are also working through merging our finances and plan to have that in place in the coming weeks so that we can start to contribute to a joint savings account for a future honeymoon. We hadn't planned on honeymooning right after the wedding anyway, so we decided to save up for a bit and then do something really cool. My original intention had been to wait until after or just right before the wedding to move in with him, but as we were discussing finances last night, I was thinking what is the point? If we could go ahead and move now to consolidate some bills, it only makes sense and it will allow us to really pool our resources for wedding expenses more equitably. Big steps, but we are ready and the wedding is getting closer every day. laugh


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2861400
08/14/19 08:21 PM
08/14/19 08:21 PM
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TBSakaJ9 Offline
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Was the financial discussion a tough one or are you both on the same page? I would think that would be a tough conversation to have depending on whether or not their is a wage difference.

What are the honeymoon destinations of choice?????


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2861401
08/14/19 08:40 PM
08/14/19 08:40 PM
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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It wasn't necessarily tough, but it was a little scary, mainly from the standpoint of going down this road again, if that makes sense. We are both on the same page, financially, fortunately. And, the wage difference, while there, is not HUGE.

Not sure on destinations yet. We aren't planning some huge luxury resort trip or anything, because that isn't us. We talked about just renting a cabin in the woods somewhere with a hot tub and no cell phone service and disappearing for a few days. My job is VERY people-centric and though I enjoy it, as a natural introvert, I need to get away and disengage so my idea of heaven is just to be away from everything and everyone for a bit. We have also discussed maybe Vegas, but I really want to go to the National Finals Rodeo which takes place in early December, so if we decide to do that, we will likely not actually honeymoon until December 2020, near our 1 year anniversary.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2861402
08/14/19 08:45 PM
08/14/19 08:45 PM
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Posts: 3,985
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TBSakaJ9 Offline
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You could go to Broken Bow.....not sure about cell phone service but I know the cabins have hot tubs!!

If the dr. and I got married there would be pre-nup and our finances would be separate.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2861404
08/14/19 08:59 PM
08/14/19 08:59 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,052
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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Yes, Broken Bow has some great places.

As far as finances, everyone has to do what works for them. Joint accounts is what works for us. I know money is almost always an issue at some point in any relationship, but right now, we seem to really be in sync on everything and we have determined what works best for our situation.

We are going in with eyes wide open with firm plans in place.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2861409
08/14/19 09:07 PM
08/14/19 09:07 PM
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TBSakaJ9 Offline
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I have never been to BB, just heard good things. Well the Dr. makes a lot more than I do and is moving money back and forth between her personal account and business account so it would make sense. It doesn't bother me but to your point whatever works!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Turn the Page [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2861473
08/15/19 01:45 PM
08/15/19 01:45 PM
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Posts: 2,052
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
I have never been to BB, just heard good things. Well the Dr. makes a lot more than I do and is moving money back and forth between her personal account and business account so it would make sense. It doesn't bother me but to your point whatever works!


Broken Bow is a cool, eclectic little town. Small town, so not a ton of things to do, but there is a neat little winery and a few other things like that. Beautiful country for sure. In my previous life, I lived in a small town in extreme western Arkansas that was only about a 30 or 40 minute drive from Broken Bow. In fact, the OK state line was less than 20 miles from my house.

I'm not sure what tone it sets for the day when the first song I hear when I start the truck to come to work is AC/DC's "Highway to H3ll". LOL I'm hoping that it was just the fact that I like AC/DC and not some ominous forewarning. I don't have to drive very far for work, which will sadly change when I move to Sparky's house, but anyway, in my short drive this morning, I also heard Aerosmith's "Dream On" which is one of my most favorite songs, so at least I ended my drive with a positive song. LOL

Had a LONG talk with my best friend last night. I feel bad for him because he's in a not so great place right now and my heart hurts for him. He had a pretty rough childhood and he's constantly trying to make up for that in his adult life. He's a good man: hard working, loving, loyal. He's a rescuer and because of that, he finds himself in some pretty odd situations. He was kind of seeing a woman and he developed feelings for her super quickly and she kept holding him at arm's length. He told me several times that he'd told her how he felt and that she told him she wasn't in the same place right now. Well, last night, he tried to convince me that just because she continued to spend time with him and go do stuff with him, that what she said didn't mean she didn't want a relationship. I asked him what he thought it meant. He just kept saying "she never said she didn't want a relationship, she just said she wasn't in the same place I was". Maybe this is a difference between men and women, but to me what she said to him and what he wanted her to say are the same thing. It seems like a matter of semantics to me. In my mind, in both phrases, she's telling him she doesn't want a relationship. Now, in her version, if she said it the way he says, I could see where one might argue that in saying she's not in the same place right now, that it leaves the door open for future possibility, but I really don't see how the 2 phrases are fundamentally different. In either phrase, she doesn't want a relationship right now. Maybe I'm just weird, but since I know it is possible for men and women to truly be friends because some of my closest friends are men, I could see a world where a woman who wasn't interested in a relationship but wanted to continue a friendship would continue to hang out with the guy. The sucky part of it was, while she was telling him she wasn't in the same place and she was still spending time with him and letting him spend money on her and pay her bills (don't even get me started on this part of the story!), she was actually dating someone else and when he found out and confronted her, she told him the guy was just a friend. She actually did that to him 3 different times and the man she is seeing currently is the one that finally ended my best friend's association with her. Apparently after he stopped communicating with her, she started telling anyone and everyone who would listen that he's stalking her and that he broke in her house and left flowers everywhere and all sorts of weird-a$$ sh!t. As he did with his XW, he keeps telling me he just wants to talk to her face to face one more time. I begged him to just let it go. No good would come of talking. He said the last time he talked to her he asked her what is wrong with him. Lord how I love that man and Lord how I want to punch his d@mn head off all at the same time. I told him last night that there is NOTHING wrong with him and that women like her are users and manipulators and she likely had to get away from him because while he was still paying her bills and crap, he was also wanting more of her time and attention and she needed to swap him out for someone who was less present in her life.

We also had a long talk about our relationship. I was honest and told him that I had had a bad feeling about this woman from day 1. I felt like she immediately started playing the victim card to get under his skin and it worked. They had just met and started talking and he hadn't even actually sat down and had a face to face conversation with her yet when she called him in the middle of the night to come over to her house and get up under the house to fix a pipe that had frozen and busted because she didn't have any water in her house with the frozen/busted pipe. And he did it! He is still making excuses for her. He told me that he had given her money but that she had never asked for it. I tried to explain that manipulators don't have to ask for it. They know what to say to get it without coming out and saying, "hey, can you give me x amount of money?" I said, she likely complained about being short or not having enough money to pay a certain bill or having to do without something or whatever and he jumped in to fix it. This was met with dead silence on his end of the phone. Then, finally, he said "yeah, you are right". I told him, though I saw some big red flags at the beginning, I didn't say anything because I didn't think it would get through. And, this is the point where the talk about our relationship kicked in. He said, "you are honestly the only person I WOULD have listened to". He told me I was his best friend and I know everything about him in this world and of all the people he knows, family included, he knows that I am the one who is always looking out for the greater good for him. He told me that a lot of people around him were always pushing him to pursue a relationship with me and the reason that he didn't is because he loves me and knows that I am truly his friend and he doesn't/didn't ever want to mess that up. He told me that he's happy that I have found Sparky and that he likes him and he's glad we are happy. It was a really good conversation. I felt good afterwards. And, I told him, since he said he would've listened to me, that he needs to be prepared moving forward because next time I see huge red flags waving where a woman he's interested in is concerned, I'm going to be all over him about it. He laughed and said he expected no less.

So anyway, I have rambled on here long enough and I need to go get some stuff done ahead of my afternoon meeting. Ugh...............................................I'm pretty sure meetings are going to be the actual downfall of our civilization.

Last edited by job; 08/15/19 02:22 PM. Reason: edited language

Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2861933
08/19/19 05:34 PM
08/19/19 05:34 PM
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Posts: 2,052
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Today's first song I heard when I started the truck to come to work was "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor. Now, THAT is how you start the day....much more upbeat than "Highway to H3ll" I think...or at least sets a more upbeat tone to the day.

Sparky and I went and signed him onto my checking account Saturday morning, then he will bring is paycheck to me to deposit tomorrow. We sat down and went through the remaining bills he has for the month and got those all lined out. We also had a long talk about me going ahead and moving into his house soon, rather than waiting until December so that we could get all of our bills consolidated and start really paying for everything together. We both felt good about it after we really put some actual numbers down on paper. It is going to be a little tough in September, until we get our bill paying schedule lined out right and because we will still be paying for my house, but our goal at this point is to have me completely moved in by the end of September so I can let my house go and shut off all the utilities before Oct. 1. When October rolls around and we can get out from under my house expenses, we really feel like we can comfortably start to really build up our savings and work toward saving for some great things and building our nest egg. Divorce is financially draining, so I have just started building stuff back up and he's in the same boat, so it will be nice to build together.

Friday evening, we spent the evening just hanging out and talking. We have some great talks because we are very similar in the way we see a lot of things and approach a lot of things. In talking about the logistics of moving in, there are a couple of things we need to work on in his house before we move my stuff and we were talking about putting our stuff together (what of mine we are keeping vs. what of his we are keeping). I'm sure we will run into an issue here or there, but he's been pretty open about bringing in my stuff and letting me decorate however I want to. I said something about a particular decoration I have in my living room now and how I'm seriously considering getting rid of it. He was like, oh, I like it and it might look nice in our bedroom (and it does happen to match my current bedroom décor, which I had already told him I was definitely keeping). So, I'm thinking that part will run relatively smoothly and that is a good thing. We shall see. The next couple of months are going to be interesting.

Work is going to be stressful and stuff is going to be a real sh!t show, so I'm thinking us trying to move now and spending time redecorating and that sort of thing is probably just the distraction I need to keep me from having a heart attack at my desk or snapping and telling someone off that I likely shouldn't. Lord, it is going to be a very long semester. On the bright side, I have had 3 different students who are enrolled in my class this semester come by and introduce themselves to me this morning while they are out looking for their classes, so I was pleased with that. Seems like I will have some nice students. YAY! Tomorrow is our first day, so Fall 2019, bring it...let's do this!


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Turn the Page [Re: Dawn70] #2862006
08/19/19 11:01 PM
08/19/19 11:01 PM
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Posts: 3,651
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doodler Offline
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Originally Posted by Dawn70
Work is going to be stressful...


The good thing about stress is that it requires comfort food to make it better. Did you know that a certain fast food chicken chain now serves mac and cheese? It's good and it's a nice alternative to waffle fries.

Re: Turn the Page [Re: doodler] #2862075
08/20/19 02:39 PM
08/20/19 02:39 PM
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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Originally Posted by doodler
Originally Posted by Dawn70
Work is going to be stressful...


The good thing about stress is that it requires comfort food to make it better. Did you know that a certain fast food chicken chain now serves mac and cheese? It's good and it's a nice alternative to waffle fries.



Funny you mention that! We have one on our campus, but they have a limited menu, but hey, chicken and waffle fries are chicken and waffle fries, right? Anyway, Sparky is coming over this evening to go over some financial stuff and I told him I was NOT cooking supper since it is the first day of class and I would be tired, but that I would gladly pick something up so I'm going to see if ours has mac and cheese. Fingers crossed!


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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