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G.....I dont even know you and for some reason I have the feeling you can do so much better. Who knows his reasons why but he did you a favor.

We all struggle with certain aspects of ourselves. The dr told me she got back with an ex that she wasn't attracted to just so she wasnt alone over the holidays. We all got [censored]....dont be so hard on yourself.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Regardless, it’s over. And I’m still ok. If any other boyfriend I had would have said “I made a mistake” I would have probably gotten back with them. Not this one. I think he’s right, maybe we are too different? I mean unless he came running back admitting to his fears leading to his in attention and neglect of me, I would consider it. But I am well aware I am most likely never going to hear from him again.


You ARE ok and you will continue to be ok. Honestly, even if he did come back and say all the right things, I would still say don't do it. I was in that situation with my XH and looking back now, I should've just run. He broke up with me before we had too many serious talks about getting married because he "got scared" because he loved me so much and was worried he wasn't enough for me (or some bull sh!t along those lines), but he came back and we talked it out and I went back with him and shortly after we started talking marriage and then just a few months later, tied the knot. Big mistake on my part!

Maybe it is my personal experience talking/clouding my judgment here, but from where I am sitting, you are better off to keep him blocked and never hear from again because even if he can give you a pretty d@mn good reason, you will still always wonder and you are worth more than someone who makes you feel that way.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Quote
I mean unless he came running back admitting to his fears leading to his in attention and neglect of me, I would consider it.


NOPE!!!!! Not even then. Breaking up with you by f-ing TEXT is all you need to know. Regardless of his fears/reasons/justifications for breaking up, he did it in a WUSSY way! How could you ever trust someone again who was capable of being such a lame-o? It tells you that he bails easily and without respect for you. This is an absolute disqualifier (kind of like an absolute contraindication in medicine).

(And not just that he did it by text, but couldn't even continue the conversation at the time!)

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You are all right. And thank you for thinking I can do better. I can. I wouldn’t take him back. Not that I have to worry about that. He’s the type who just gets over it.

He didn’t want to do it by text, I kind of made him. He really wanted to wait to see me in person But I’m not stupid. Ignoring me all day and not being so nice when he did respond wasn’t fair. He was just going to ignore me until the next week and not answer my questions until the following week. Which is pretty crappy.

But he was mind F-ing me. Because at one point I told him I couldn’t concentrate at work and I wanted to know what’s going on. And his response was “why can’t you concentrate?” Duhhhhhhh, you know why. But Then he said my questions were justified but he can’t be taken away from work and doesn’t want to explain in text. I said “just give me a quick peace of mind because I was scared you were breaking up with me or something” no answer for hours, leaving me spinning.

Yeah, he treated me like poop and left me hanging. Last words being “I’m. It getting into th

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Oooops.

His last words were “I’m not engaging in text or this conversation, hurt me if it makes you feel better. But you deserve to be happy and I’m sorry I can’t be the one to do it.

Oh well. Time to just forget about the details, know it’s over and go on

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Journaling yet again. Don’t worry guys, I bought an actual journal!

Tonight I went to my BFF’s daughter’s birthday dinner. Saw my friends, had a GREAT time. My friend who found out with me that M was breaking up with me said “ you are handling this so well!” I didn’t talk about it all night. I was myself, laughing, joking, having fun! I was losing that part of me worrying if M would contact me. Knowing M would not join me.
I feel very carefree .

And I was with my people. The most non-judgmental people you will ever meet. We are all inappropriate at times, curse around our kids and sometimes call them little A-Holes. But we all would do anything for our children and they all feel nothing but loved. Each of our kids are like the others own. I found myself censoring myself a lot because M was pretty judgy. He would die if he heard half the things we say. He judges parents everywhere . When we are the winery he watched a kid trip and the parent says “I told you not to do that!!!!” He goes on to explain how he would have handled that differently. Mind your own business dude! I would tell my kid that all the time when she did something was supposed to. I think this might have been the one R where I was t completely myself and censored myself. I am a bit “perverted” hats the totally wrong word, but my friends and I make sexual jokes freely. He is kind of uptight about that. I couldn’t even flirt with him. If he heard me and half my friends talk he would probably die.

And this is going to sound silly. But when I figured he was breaking up with me and my coworker said a prayer with me ( she’s super religious, I am not) she said “whatever happens may it be the right thing for ginger to bring peace in her heart.” Maybe if wasn’t for that prayer I wouldn’t have peace in my heart. Maybe it’s the lessons I learned.

And again, I have a lot of love for him. I’m not as sad it ended and more sad it had to end. I wish it could have been different because in his soul he is such a great guy. I wish him nothing but peace and resolution with his ex so that very sweet boy can know that peace.

I do admit, I’m not all that strong, I looked at the Valentine’s Day cards and my birthday card he got me. His Valentine’s Day card to me was the sweetest most powerful card I think I ever got from a guy. It was very simple. In it said “ i needed ya, I got ya, I’m keeping ya, I love ya” and he wrote “every time I look on your eyes it makes me smile. I hope to spend many more valentines days with you” I couldn’t help but cry. I believed it. Maybe he believed it at the time too
I also wonder if he thinks of me and misses me. But I’m best off never knowing

Tomorrow is my first day back to work after 4 days off. I plan to hit up a kickboxing class this week. Let it all out. You should see me punch a heavy bag. I’m a monster. Operation lose 20 lbs begins tomorrow. Went grocery shopping. D11 is the best grocery shopping partner she loads the belt and bags everything just as I like it and she puts the groceries away. She a pretty awesome kid. And she is not being affected by the break up I think on large part because I’m just fine. It makes a difference .

One day at a time

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I hope you'll keep journaling here. I really think it helps us to help you - not only now but in the future. The more you reveal the clearer the picture becomes and it's so important to learn from this. Seeing that you were being a different person with him. Not good! The drug use, the things he said to you. It's so clear he gave you a gift in letting you go.

I'm watching 90 Day Fiancé (so shoot me lol) and one guy said they have a saying in his country... I've heard it before but it is so true "the one who loves the least has the power in the relationship" how true. The more you love, the more you are willing to give up - both in a good way and in bad.

You can find what you want AND be yourself. You were giving up too much to have a boyfriend. Not worth the price. It's great to have the old Ginger back (will be said by your friends very shortly)


DonH
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Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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G....I think you have peace in your heart because you know he wasn’t right for you. It all sounds kind of manipulative to me. If you would have stayed with him I think you would have become a completely different person.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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You are both so right. I wanted to ease it it up here because I know I keep repeating myself, but the advice has been so valuable and helpful to my healing and going forward.

At first, I really fell for him because he was the opposite of my ex. Chill, understanding, not mean. And as time went on, I realized he was more and more like my ex. My dad noticed it too from what I said. He is all about him and very high maintenance. And you know what happened to me? I became a resentful b!tch. And that’s not who I am. I felt myself becoming resentful again. All the feelings I had with my ex of inadequacy, having to keep it together myself and it being one sided came flooding back. Bad bad feelings. That’s why if he were ever to come back it also couldn’t work because like dawn said...... I’d be worrying he would do it again and I wasn’t enough .

Omg, J, yes, he was manipulative. In a nice way. I was beginning to think I was crazy because his words weren’t matching his actions. And the. I would say something and he would do just enough to keep me on the hook. If you went by words, this man loved me greatly our connection was amazing and we would be spending many years together. Then telling me something was missing and dumping me out of the blue certainly didn’t add up. And making a grand gesture of flowers and asking me out in front of his son and my daughter, asking is on vacation together, telling me how much he missed me when I was gone, teaching his son about bonus moms...... yet, he went against his gut in telling us we were together because I made him feel bad????? No way dude.

Enough of all that. I could try to make sense of it all day, but cut and dry, it was him, not me, it’s for the best.

Oh, and I realized when the 25 year old patient care tech at my job was treating me better and was more attentive to me than my boyfriend, I was seriously lacking something. The guy clearly has a crush on me. And one day when I was having a crappy day he noticed. And dropped Reese’s PB cups on my desk. M not wanted to know about my day and never let me talk.

On another note. Today would have been my ex and I’s 15th wedding anniversary. We only made it 4 years....but I’m pretty sure if I was still married to him 15 years later, I would be in the looney bin, no doubt.

I clearly have to get better at man picking.

Back to work today.

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Well the manipulative nice ones are the worst. My sister was married to someone like that and my dad told me that if her XH had it his way she would be barefoot and pregnant all the time so no one else would find her attractive. She ended up Divorcing him but after she he did he just became mean and lost the nice guy routine.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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