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So great to read an update about your sitch! You're always actively helping others out and it's nice to get a glimpse into what's happening in your life.

One question - did your ex date after the D?

The scrapbook pages is really fascinating. Taken that long to think of happier times together with you. It's so random.


No one is coming to save you!

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Hey Maika, I usually pepper bit and pieces about my sitch into the stories I tell in Newcomers, but I really should try and keep this thread a little more current!

So there was an OM who started out as a "friend", XW insisted he was "just a friend" throughout although one time I told her I would drop something off in her mailbox before work (this was after S but before D) and when I did at 6:30 am or so his truck was in the drive. So yeah, something was going on, at least for a while. Just after D she made no secret that she was on some dating sites and there were at least a couple of guys that she saw several times, but I don't think any of them lasted longer than that. That was several years ago and since then there's been no indication that she is seeing anyone, not even the old OM. I never hear her talk about anyone except a female friend of hers that she travels with and camps with now and then.

The scrapbook page is unusual although there has been a general softening of her position ever since D. A very slow and gradual one. She is more like her old self now than I have ever seen her I think. Laughing and joking like she used to pre-BD. For the longest time I didn't think she would ever change back, that menopause or whatever it was had permanently changed her. But that doesn't seem to be the case!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Hellllllooooo fellow survivors! My life just keeps rolling on and on, where do the months and years go? Not much new to report, I'm still seeing the same lady and we're still getting along well. Our dates had dropped off to once every month or so, we had a discussion about it and have been trying to see each other more often.

XW and I still get along quite well, we see each other about once a week. Last weekend was her birthday, I took her and the kids out to eat and gave her a few presents in the kids' behalf.

I still work for the same place, 18 years now, wow!

Still doing Crossfit although lately I have been feeling my age there more. It's pretty rough on my hips and knees so I joined Anytime Fitness (a while back, I may be repeating myself) and have been doing xfit less and weight training more.

I'm still exploring different artistic endeavors, the latest is I "graduated" from sculpting oven-bake clay and moved over to ceramic clay. I bought a small electric kiln and am very excited about it! Did my first bisque firing last weekend on sculpts I had been working on the last few weeks. All went well. I should be doing a glaze firing later this week. I'm also planning on dabbling in fused glass, I've done it before but now that I have my own kiln it'll be a lot more convenient.

Hope everyone is doing well and taking full advantage of this wild ride we call life smile


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Great to read AS. Thanks for the update.


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
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Hey everyone, just did the first workout for the 2020 Crossfit Open last Friday. This is my 3rd year participating in it and my last year in the 55-59 age bracket, gulp. Even though I don't turn 59 until next year, my birthday puts me on the other side of the bracket so I'll be in 60+. Seeing that just really brought home how close I am to the big 6-0. I don't even feel like I'm in my 50's, it's surreal. I've always been a bit of a fitness nut and eat pretty well, so I'm happy to say I'm approaching 60 with a good, solid, healthy base. I've had no major health problems thus far in my life (knock on wood) and have great mobility and strength for my age. I started cutting weight a couple of months ago and am down to 12% bodyfat. Goal is 10%. Here's to hoping I have many more healthy years ahead!

I mentioned before that I bought a kiln. I've made quite a few small ceramic sculpts and am really enjoying the new hobby! I opened an Etsy shop, haven't sold anything so far but I've learned you get very little traffic on Etsy unless you drive it there from somewhere else (like Instagram). For now I'm just honing my skills, I'll worry about the shop later.

My "anniversary" came and went without notice. It was 4 days ago and I didn't think about it until today.

My loyal Ford Edge had almost 300k miles on it until the perfect storm hit, I was facing 7k in repairs on a car that blue books for 1500! I hated to see it go, loved that car! But it was time. Bought a cool little Honda CRV that gets much better gas mileage. That's probably the biggest "life change" I've had lately!

Things are still going well with my GF. She's been doing more modeling lately and wow, she certainly is a stunner (I mean I thought so anyway but the camera does love her). I mentioned before we were trying to see more of each other and we've worked out a schedule to get together every other week, which doesn't sound like a lot but we're both super busy and that's twice as much as before, so it's an improvement.

Kids are all great, my two D's are still working at their same jobs and S is in his junior year of high school. I've ramped up my efforts to teach him to drive, he's been doing quite well at it!

Hope everyone is doing well!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Great to hear from you AS. It is nice to read updates way after the sitches have ended as it'll give a perspective that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. I especially appreciate that you are still here helping newbies out with their sitches. You helped me so much two years ago so the newbies are in good hands :-)


In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced
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Originally Posted by lcause
Great to hear from you AS. It is nice to read updates way after the sitches have ended as it'll give a perspective that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. I especially appreciate that you are still here helping newbies out with their sitches. You helped me so much two years ago so the newbies are in good hands :-)


Thank you! It's therapeutic for me to come here and help others, and to post updates on what's happening with me smile

And speaking of updates.... it's been quite a difficult week! My father passed away last Friday. He was 85 and not in the greatest of health, but it was still unexpected. He was found on the floor of his bathroom, apparently he was getting ready to take a shower and had a heart attack. My brother and sister and I were all pretty close with him so it's been difficult. Not BD difficult, but still tough.

And on top of that, my girlfriend of 5 years went on a drunken binge all weekend with some friends and completely blew me off. I messaged her Friday as soon as I found out, and asked her to come by. She said she would, then just quit replying. I didn't hear from her until getting a scrambled message Saturday afternoon. It wasn't even readable. Then she messaged Sunday explaining she had been doing mushrooms (REALLY???) and saying she would come by that night. She did and she was a hot mess. Looked horrible, said she had been up 24 hours, and just kept talking about how she had to leave before falling asleep. So I told her to go, it was fine. I messaged her later thanking her for coming and telling her I hoped she felt better after getting some rest. The following morning for no reason whatsoever she fired off some downright nasty messages to me about how I only want her for sex (which we have about once a month and had NOT had when she came by the night before!), how I am still hung up on my ex (I NEVER talk about her!), how I shouldn't be grieving about my dad because he was a jerk (she never met him!!) and on and on even dragging up stuff from years ago. I absolutely could not believe it, here I am trying to grieve the loss of my dad and get blasted with all of this. I flat-out told her that I was grieving and was not interested in fighting with her but she just kept right on pushing buttons until I finally told her to please leave me alone. Have not messaged again since then (that was Monday morning and it is now Thursday). I think that may be the end of that, we had a fantastic first 3 years together, then a good 1 year, then a not-so-good year. She gets angry, bitter and hateful for no reason as far as I can tell, and then will switch to kind and sweet in an instant. When she's hateful she is REALLY hateful and says horrible things. I just really can't take it anymore. I told her I thought we should break up and that just resulted in more nasty messages from her calling me a quitter and such.

So yeah, two very difficult events within the span of a few days! But thankfully, I am handling it just fine. Not stressing that much, no anxiety, still sleeping fine, still functioning fine at work and home. At the end of the day I've become very independent and self-sufficient since BD so while these losses are difficult, they don't affect my day-to-day life that much. Luckily I have some amazing friends that have been very supportive. Even my ex has been fantastic, helping with funeral arrangements and planning. It's times like this that you find out who really loves you, and those people are keepers for sure.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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AS,

Man sorry to hear about your dad and how your GF is handling it. I imagine you are doing so well because once we got through what we went through we are now mentally stronger. Sounds like you had a good run and maybe it’s time to move on. Maybe it’s time for you and the ex to be another success story?

Anyways I’m really sorry and I just want to say what a great asset you are here on the board. You have a way of gently giving out great advice.

Take care.

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Hey AS!

So sorry to hear about your dad. I wish you and your family well in this difficult time. It $ucks to hear how your GF is handling things and sounds like she's dealing with some of her own demons and projecting it out on you.

You've pulled me out of the darkness many a time and I just want to thank you for your honesty, compassion, and feedback. Take care and hope you get to spend some time with your family and friends in the next coming days and weeks.

Much love!


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AS - So sorry to hear about your dad. The loss of a parent is never easy. Sounds like you have some good people to help you through it. Sorry to hear about your gf too. Sounds like she has some problems of her own to work through that have nothing to do with you. Best to let her do that on her own - especially if she is going to be so nasty to you. There is never a good reason for that kind of behaviour.

I second what LH said. You are a huge asset to this board and I am one of the lucky recipients of your valuable advice. You have been a great supporter of mine and I thank you...it has helped more than you know.

Take care of yourself. (((HUGS)))

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