CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


A Divorce Busting Telephone Coach
can help you save your marriage singlehandedly!
CALL 303-444-7004
or see Coaching Packages online at the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861591
08/16/19 11:20 AM
08/16/19 11:20 AM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,321
L
LH19 Offline
Member
LH19  Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,321
G,

The most important thing that I have learned through this process is about unconditional love for my children and good friends. Having great kids and friends is the most amazing gift a person can have especially in difficult times. Some many people don't have those kinds of people in their life.

It isn't you it is him. He's not ready. He may have thought he was so I don't think he had bad intentions. Again, I am really sorry.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861592
08/16/19 11:32 AM
08/16/19 11:32 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,786
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
Ginger1  Offline OP
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,786
Thank you all. I didnít sleep much last night, I woke up in the middle of the night just replaying everything. Trying to see if i missed something . The love he expressed making future plans etc. the last time I saw him he was putting everything together for our shed project. He would tell me he is so happy and so lucky. Then out of the blue he tells me something is missing in the relationship and he wants to end it. After a year. Telling me how he loves me, bringing us with him on vacation telling me how when we left our abcense was felt. Future plans. And then he tells me that whole time he wasnít sure what he wanted. Tell me he is in this for the long run. A bunch of future plans he talked about Sunday, then Monday he was shady and Thursday I was dumped

I still baffled and something still does feel like itís adding up. He discarded me with such ease. Out of no where. I feel like I let him off easy with the text breakup because he wanted to do it in person , but next week.

I honestly feel this was cruel. It felt cruel and cold.

But i know I wasnít all that happy. I was happy together, it not apart. I gave too much got to little once again. I never gave up, I remained committed and gave him my all. I respected his needs his desire to go slow because I really did think it would pay off.

I feel like the whole last year of my life was sort of prank and I have to just forget it now. In a blink of an eye, I lost him, I lost his son, and I lost his family. And I feel like it never really existed.

I feel sick. I canít eat. I have to go about my plans and move on. Life existed before him and it will exist after him.

I am also thinking maybe he met someone else. When people turn the light switch, thatís usually what happens.

Iíll never quite know what happened here. Iíll never know if it was all real or just a lie. But that guy yesterday was not the guy Iíve been dating for a year. But I know I couldnít have anything differently or better. Maybe I didnít play enough hard to get or I gave too much, but itís who I am and the right guy wonít run from that.

Iím still in a bit of shock I think.

I had to block his texts and his social media. I know me. I canít handle it. And Iím going to delete his number although I feel I donít have the strength to delete his texts and the picture on it. I took the necklace he gave me off and tucked it away. I have to go cold turkey.

I was so horribly deceived and it hurts more than anything

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861594
08/16/19 11:34 AM
08/16/19 11:34 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,393
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline
Member
bttrfly  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,393
Massachusetts
wow.
hmph
something was missing... yes, I'd agree with that, and what was missing was an ability to man up and truly be present in this relationship. I'm glad he recognized that he can't hold up his end of the bargain.

I'm sorry you are hurting. I think in time you'll find this was for the best, but it's gonna be a while for that to happen.

You are awesome. Don't let this dim your shine G ... how can you trust again? That's the question, isn't it? I fall back on this: true equanimity is having bad things happen and not letting that change who you fundamentally are in this world.

You are a beautiful soul who has so much to offer. Focus on D and your magnificent tribe who are holding you in the center while you heal from this. I'm very proud of the way you handled yourself. You have done nothing wrong here. xoxoxo

{{{{{{{Ginger}}}}}}}


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861596
08/16/19 11:41 AM
08/16/19 11:41 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,786
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
Ginger1  Offline OP
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,786
And yes, I plan to take time for myself. Get back into shape, get healthy again, focus on me. And of course D11. Her birthday is in a month. Sheís been great. She did cry. She said ďmom, he loved you so much, I thought he loved you so much! And his son, he loved you, he called you bonus mom! I donít understand, I thought he loved youĒ

I feel this was cruel. Very cruel.

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861599
08/16/19 12:04 PM
08/16/19 12:04 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,393
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline
Member
bttrfly  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,393
Massachusetts
yes. it was and it hurt a lot of other people


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861601
08/16/19 12:08 PM
08/16/19 12:08 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,472
T
TBSakaJ9 Offline
Member
TBSakaJ9  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,472
G....I have a feeling you will bounce back quicker than you think. I think you have felt something has been off for a while so in some ways it might be a relief.

You are a good person G, he wasn't ready. Get back in that gym stat!!! smile


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861602
08/16/19 12:12 PM
08/16/19 12:12 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,321
L
LH19 Offline
Member
LH19  Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,321
Could he be going back to his ex?


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: bttrfly] #2861604
08/16/19 12:20 PM
08/16/19 12:20 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,786
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
Ginger1  Offline OP
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,786
Originally Posted by bttrfly
yes. it was and it hurt a lot of other people


He had the b@lls to tell me that he told me he let his son know about us because ďI made him feel badĒ and he went against his guy. The same man who always put his son first . He put on a big show with flowers to ask me to be his girlfriend. Now he wants to tell me he went against his gut. God, that hurt. His son and I bonded. He loves me and I love him. It feels so sadistic. He brought our families together and wasnít forced into. And he knows we all clicked better than you could have imagined. He made me think he loved us. My D really thought he loved me and us. A big show he put in trying to be the perfect parent where he just went and hurt a whole bunch of people out of the blue.

I am literally dying inside. But I know I will bounce back. I hope quickly too. I canít hold on to this pain too long.

For a while I wasnít completely happy. I felt neglected and like a simple convience when it was good for him and an inconvience when it wasnít. He wasnít treating me or the relationship right. My dad feels he was way too high maintenance and saw glimpses of my ex in that respect.

I vow to go forward and when I feel something isnít right and my needs arenít being met to respect myself and my needs. And not think they are ridiculous because the other person didnít want to meet them.

I wanted it so bad I guess and I just focused on the right things he said.

Time to get that year back of my life

Last edited by job; 08/16/19 12:53 PM. Reason: edited a word
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: LH19] #2861605
08/16/19 12:21 PM
08/16/19 12:21 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,786
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
Ginger1  Offline OP
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,786
Originally Posted by LH19
Could he be going back to his ex?



Definitely not. They canít even talk to each other.

But I have a feeling there might be someone else. You flip a light switch, make up some BS like this and thatís usually when there is someone else

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861606
08/16/19 12:27 PM
08/16/19 12:27 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,472
T
TBSakaJ9 Offline
Member
TBSakaJ9  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,472
I like your dad, I said he was high maintenance as well. Sorry G......get yourself a really good sweat today!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004