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A Message from Michele
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Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861471
08/15/19 01:16 PM
08/15/19 01:16 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,393
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline
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bttrfly  Offline
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B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,393
Massachusetts
soak finger in Epsom salts and warm water?

hope D feels better soon.

Good for you to not reach out I know how hard that is from personal experience xoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861475
08/15/19 02:01 PM
08/15/19 02:01 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,472
T
TBSakaJ9 Offline
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TBSakaJ9  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,472
G....I wonder if some of this with M ties back to the comment he made a while back about never wanting to get married again? Does it make you question whether or not there is a future and all of this other stuff that he is doing just amplifies that comment? Adds to your insecurities?

Several weeks ago the Dr. made a comment to me about how special I am to her and that she could see herself getting married to me. Then she followed that statement up by saying that she didn't care if I knew because if that caused me to run then I was not the right person for her. Last night she made the comment that she doesn't understand why people date to just date with no intent for a future. Essentially why waste time. I said I don't know that eventually something has to give and a choice has to be made.

I am not advocating you have the conversation or don't have the conversation but what I am advocating that you do is go for what you want. Pull back, don't initiate, wait for him to make contact etc. but eventually you have to speak your truth's and IMO what will be will be. What will happen will happen and be confident in yourself that how it happened is the way it was supposed to happen.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861502
08/15/19 04:36 PM
08/15/19 04:36 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,511
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,511
Has it ever occurred to you that he might be a bit Aspie? Does he have any Aspie traits? Or just clueless man traits?

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861556
08/15/19 10:42 PM
08/15/19 10:42 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,786
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
Ginger1  Offline OP
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,786
He just broke up with me and I donít know why.

I am devastated.

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861557
08/15/19 10:47 PM
08/15/19 10:47 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,387
D
Dawn70 Offline
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Dawn70  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,387
((((((((((((Ginger))))))))))))

I am so so sorry, sweet lady.


Me 50, H51
3 adult daughters from XH's first marriage (plus 4 grandkids)
Divorce final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
1 adult daughter and bonus daughter-in-law from current H's first marriage
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861558
08/15/19 10:48 PM
08/15/19 10:48 PM
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,071
North East US
P
pinn Offline
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pinn  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,071
North East US
Ugh...Iím sorry ginger. Terrible


Sun is shinin' in the sky
There ain't a cloud in sight
It's stopped rainin' everybody's in a play
And don't you know
It's a beautiful new day, hey hey
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861561
08/15/19 11:24 PM
08/15/19 11:24 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,511
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,511
Wow - did not see that coming.

I'm so sorry Ginger.

That's really f'ed up.

I can only guess, but he may just not really be someone who can give what a relationship needs, and being in a relationship makes him feel crowded. The Love Avoidant type who doesn't ever want to feel obligated (I dated a few of those, remember.)

I guess, in retrospect, you've often spoken here about how he wasn't quite meeting your needs - I guess we all should have taken that a bit more seriously.

Yuck - this really leaves you with a bunch of questions, doesn't it? But the MOST important ANSWER is - a guy who would do this like this, is NOT THE GUY YOU WANT TO BE WITH. Don't go down your rabbit hole of childhood abandonment issues - this is about HIM, not you. You did everything right this time.

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861562
08/15/19 11:30 PM
08/15/19 11:30 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
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doodler Offline
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doodler  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952

Sorry. frown

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861565
08/15/19 11:57 PM
08/15/19 11:57 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,472
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TBSakaJ9 Offline
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TBSakaJ9  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,472
Gosh I am sorry G!!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861566
08/16/19 12:23 AM
08/16/19 12:23 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,054
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline
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AndrewP  Offline
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A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,054
Canada
WTF!!!!

Take some deep breaths my friend. Remember that this isn't about you. You were willing to do the work. It's about him and whatever he's not able to man up and deal with.

You will survive. It's going to hurt like h@ll for some time. We all know this. And all of your friends both here and IRL are there for you too.

Big bear hugs ((((Ginger))))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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