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soak finger in Epsom salts and warm water?

hope D feels better soon.

Good for you to not reach out I know how hard that is from personal experience xoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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G....I wonder if some of this with M ties back to the comment he made a while back about never wanting to get married again? Does it make you question whether or not there is a future and all of this other stuff that he is doing just amplifies that comment? Adds to your insecurities?

Several weeks ago the Dr. made a comment to me about how special I am to her and that she could see herself getting married to me. Then she followed that statement up by saying that she didn't care if I knew because if that caused me to run then I was not the right person for her. Last night she made the comment that she doesn't understand why people date to just date with no intent for a future. Essentially why waste time. I said I don't know that eventually something has to give and a choice has to be made.

I am not advocating you have the conversation or don't have the conversation but what I am advocating that you do is go for what you want. Pull back, don't initiate, wait for him to make contact etc. but eventually you have to speak your truth's and IMO what will be will be. What will happen will happen and be confident in yourself that how it happened is the way it was supposed to happen.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Has it ever occurred to you that he might be a bit Aspie? Does he have any Aspie traits? Or just clueless man traits?

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He just broke up with me and I don’t know why.

I am devastated.

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((((((((((((Ginger))))))))))))

I am so so sorry, sweet lady.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Ugh...I’m sorry ginger. Terrible

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Wow - did not see that coming.

I'm so sorry Ginger.

That's really f'ed up.

I can only guess, but he may just not really be someone who can give what a relationship needs, and being in a relationship makes him feel crowded. The Love Avoidant type who doesn't ever want to feel obligated (I dated a few of those, remember.)

I guess, in retrospect, you've often spoken here about how he wasn't quite meeting your needs - I guess we all should have taken that a bit more seriously.

Yuck - this really leaves you with a bunch of questions, doesn't it? But the MOST important ANSWER is - a guy who would do this like this, is NOT THE GUY YOU WANT TO BE WITH. Don't go down your rabbit hole of childhood abandonment issues - this is about HIM, not you. You did everything right this time.

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Sorry. frown

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Gosh I am sorry G!!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
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WTF!!!!

Take some deep breaths my friend. Remember that this isn't about you. You were willing to do the work. It's about him and whatever he's not able to man up and deal with.

You will survive. It's going to hurt like h@ll for some time. We all know this. And all of your friends both here and IRL are there for you too.

Big bear hugs ((((Ginger))))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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