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Thank you to you both! Some good qualities to work on. In terms of what was listed, I have changed the way I dress. I did go out and buy some new clothes at the beginning of the summer. Wore a nice dress on Mother's Day... something I hadn't done in years! When I first moved here H commented on why I always dressed up for church. He's a jean and t-shirt kind of guy. I always dressed in nice clothes for church b/c it was a form of worship for me, but I stopped because he was uncomfortable and said that God doesn't look to see what you are wearing, He looks at the heart. That is true. So to regain my own identity, I am back at dressing nicely

I stopped wearing perfume when I married H b/c he doesn't like the smell. I only have one perfume I can tolerate wearing without making myself choke up! I'll have to break it out.

Attitude is everything and I want to be the best I can be!

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So H's birthday is coming up in a few weeks. It's a milestone birthday for him. He casually told me he didn't want a surprise party, I wasn't planning one. I did have thoughts of doing something special awhile ago, but I reminded myself that 1. it's a form of pursuit 2. he is still having an affair 3. he's not worth of it at the time b/c of his choices.
Last weekend, his sisters mentioned throwing him a surprise party. I told them that he told me not to throw him one. They said that they would be throwing him the party, not me, so I would not get in trouble with him. They don't know about his affair...no one knows but me, him, our kids and the OW (and you guys).

How do I get out of this? Or do I just go long and not worry since either way he will be mad? I can't just not show up because then questions will be asked and I'm sure I have to make sure to get him wherever they want him. Plus I'll have the kids.

Even though I won't be helping at all, H will blame me for it because I knew what they were doing.

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Let them throw the party.

Don't show up.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Hello. I know it's been awhile since I last posted. Here's an update:

WH is still having an EA. Things have improved over the course of months and around Christmas time I saw quite of bit of warmth and affection from him. I don't know what prompted him to be kind and friendly, but I was cautiously enjoying it.

Last Monday, everything turned for the worse. He apparently got mad at me because I didn't say that he could buy a tool he wanted. Honestly, I was distracted at the moment and didn't hear him ask. He took my silence as me saying no. A few days later I told him that I never said no, he put those words into my mouth.

Currently he is avoiding me and when we are together he is trying to cause a fight. I know better and I don't engage. I ignore and show my happy side.

His feelings were hurt today because he felt like he was being ignored and his help not wanted or appreciate by the group we were with. I had nothing to do with it, since it was other people treating him that way, but somehow it's my fault.

How do you deal with someone who is always negative, down on themselves and take your validation as not needed or seen as condescending?


Tomorrow marks 1 year from BD. As I reflect back, I'm proud of how far I have come! To think that at the beginning I was considering suicide and with the Lord's help, I got out of that very dark place. The Lord has helped me enormously!

I have a very long road ahead of me still. I'm thinking that this affair won't end without the OW ending it first. I will continue to improve myself and enjoy MY life.

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Hi M,
I’m new here too, it might help you to be patient, take care of yourself (self care will be super important) and listen and validate your H, it’s a tough situation to be in and will feel horrible at times. But this forum is a great place to vent and get support to get through it, and know that you aren’t alone. Hang in there and breathe

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Originally Posted by phoenix7
Hi M,
I’m new here too, it might help you to be patient, take care of yourself (self care will be super important) and listen and validate your H, it’s a tough situation to be in and will feel horrible at times. But this forum is a great place to vent and get support to get through it, and know that you aren’t alone. Hang in there and breathe



Thank you Phoenix. It is a good feeling to know that I am not alone, to know that there are people going through the same thing as me right now.

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Whoops^^^ I responded to the wrong thread

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HB,
I will share the same encouragement with you as the other post I was trying reply to. I think no matter the sitch, it’s character and strength building and that’s the silver lining in this , if there is one, hold strong

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Originally Posted by phoenix7
HB,
I will share the same encouragement with you as the other post I was trying reply to. I think no matter the sitch, it’s character and strength building and that’s the silver lining in this , if there is one, hold strong


Thank you. I agree, this whole ordeal is helping me become stronger and strengthen my character. I hope to one day look back and be proud of myself for being true to my morals and faith.

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H has been saying the following a lot lately... "you should find [our kids] a better dad."

In past 2 weeks he has brought it up in conversation a couple times. In the past, I would respond, "no, you are a good dad." and tell him reasons why. I think he has been depressed lately (see my earlier post).

What can I say?

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