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A Message from Michele
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Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2860644
08/08/19 12:26 PM
08/08/19 12:26 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,656
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,656
Thanks J. My mood is improving a little . M and I went out last night ( he asked me) and we had a great time. He apologized for being distant this week and told me he appreciates how understanding Iíve been. Today itís been 11 months! Itís really been a great year in so many ways, and I hope to have many more great years with him.

My dad offered to get me a cleaning service once a month. I might take him up on it. I just cannot keep up with everything and my messy house is making me anxious. I canít wait to get out of work and go home and clean. After I cook dinner and drop D off at cheerleading of course.

I know Iíll be fine, I go through this every now and then when it all becomes too much.

Iím joining the gym by best friend goes to and teaches at along with my Dís best friendís mom. Itíll be a good motivator . Iím going to organize my life and make time for it. I get the mommy guilt when I go like Iím not spending enough time with D. Then I remember sheís more into her friends and is fine with me being gone for an hour and a half.
Tomorrow Iím taking her and her friend to the pool. Itíll be fun

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2860649
08/08/19 12:44 PM
08/08/19 12:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 760
B
ballast Offline
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ballast  Offline
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B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 760
Great update G!

Awesome that you had a great time with M!

If your Dad is offering to get you the cleaning service, TAKE IT!! LOL For both of my ex's we had cleaning services and it took a HUGE load of anxiety off of each of them and by extension was wonderful for me and our relationship. It was money very well spent and coming home to a cleaned house that you don't have to do anything with is a wonderful relief.

-B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2860656
08/08/19 01:20 PM
08/08/19 01:20 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,433
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DejaVu6 Offline
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Joined: Oct 2018
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G... I have someone come in once a month to wash my floors and clean my bathrooms. She is coming this Friday and I am so looking forward to coming home after work on Friday to a clean home knowing there is nothing I HAVE to do. If your dad is offering you this once-a-month experience - take it!!! You will be so glad you did.

Great to hear you are feeling more positive and that M stepped up and asked you out without you having to say anything. laugh


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2860687
08/08/19 02:42 PM
08/08/19 02:42 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,320
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Dawn70 Offline
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Dawn70  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,320
Glad you and M had a nice evening. It is obvious that he does care for you very much. He is just wired differently from you. I found it interesting, on Andrew's recent threads, that someone (may have even been you, don't remember) mentioned settling. They pointed out that Andrew had kind of been making "excuses" for B for sometime (she's not as well read, but; she's unorganized, but; etc). When I read that, I actually thought of you and M too. I know y'all care for each other, love each other, have a good thing going and I'm not suggesting that there is anything wrong. I just want you to not settle. You deserve the best and I hope M is giving you what you need. He does seem like a really good guy and he obviously has a future in mind with you if he's telling his son about "bonus mom". That's a GREAT sign.

Try to relax and focus on having some you time. D11 is getting to that age where she will be more interested in hanging with her friends than hanging with you anyway, so use some of that time for yourself. You definitely deserve it. And stop feeling guilty. I know that is easier said than done, but you are a grown woman who works hard and takes care of a house, a pre-teen and a "toddler" dog. It's ok to want and need a break from that occasionally so give yourself permission to have quality time for yourself without guilt. It really is ok.

As far as the cleaning service, I agree with everyone else. Go for it! Please don't be like my mother though. When I was growing up and she worked full time, she hired a cleaning lady, but then my mom would clean the house before the cleaning lady showed up EVERY. D@MN. TIME. because she didn't want the lady to think less of her. HUH? LOL Don't do that!


Me 50, H51
3 adult daughters from XH's first marriage (plus 4 grandkids)
Divorce final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
1 adult daughter and bonus daughter-in-law from current H's first marriage
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2860751
08/08/19 09:22 PM
08/08/19 09:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,656
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,656
Hahaha! I used to have a cleaning service in my old house once a month. And I always did the clean before the clean! I canít justify it in my budget now, but yes, someone to come in and do the deep cleaning would help tremendously. And I think I will take my dad up on that offer.

Iíve been really trying to make a focus on the ďmeĒ time. I need it. I did a good job this week, but now my house is suffering so Iíll take care of that tonight.

I can say I am in no way settling for M . The love is real, we love to spend time together we do have a lot of the same views on things although we do things differently at times. And those differences are ok. What I am learning is he is hearing me. And I am hearing him. I put in effort to be more understanding of his time, and he puts in the effort to spend more time with me. Communication works!

I see a real future with us. How itís exactly going to look, I donít know. But Iím excited for it

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2860766
08/09/19 12:23 AM
08/09/19 12:23 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,213
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,213
Massachusetts
and I'm excited for you {{{{{{{Ginger1}}}}}}} xoxoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861019
08/12/19 12:18 AM
08/12/19 12:18 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,656
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,656
Well, my weekend was decent even though I worked yesterday. Friday I had off and I took D11 and her friend to lunch and the pool and they had a good time. Got some house work done too. After work yesterday M came over and we were both beat so we hung out at my place and he stayed over. Today I mowed most of my lawn until my lawnmower decided to be stupid. I gave up and went to my cousins for Dinner. Iíve got 4 days of work then Iím off for 4 days. Friday night I have my cousins 40th birthday dinner. We are a family of foodies so we are hitting up some of the best places in China town. I forgot Mís son was away so invited him but he had a scheduled FaceTime call with his S. Iím a plus one finally, but am going to be an extra wheel. Because o the lack of flexibility. Stinks for me, but even more so for him, I feel bad. He might come the best day to my dads with D11, her friend and I for some beach fun and stay over night.

Things are moving along. Still pretty stressed and pressed for time and behind in life, but thatís my norm I guess. That isnít getting any better anytime soon. Only crazier when school and cheer are in full swing!

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861070
08/12/19 01:43 PM
08/12/19 01:43 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,656
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,656
I shared with M this morning my feelings of stress and overwhelm. Well, I regret doing that. His answer was ď life ainít easy, Iíll be burning both ends this week repairing this pipe thingĒ

Life ainít easy? No poop. I am aware.

Well, wonít be sharing my feelings with him anymore. He really canít see past his own life. He thinks I do have it easy because I donít have issues with my baby daddy.

Iíll just fake it until I make it from now on. I feel stupid for sharing with him. My ex used to make me feel the same way. Iím usually a pretty chipper laid back kind of person who is always laughing and cracking jokes. So no one expects me to be down or have any struggle.

Maybe Iím being dramatic.

Oh well, off to a totally unmanageable case load at work today!

Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861071
08/12/19 01:52 PM
08/12/19 01:52 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,398
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TBSakaJ9 Offline
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,398
Sorry G....I guess M needs to learn how to listen and validate smile


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Still figuring things out [Re: Ginger1] #2861074
08/12/19 02:05 PM
08/12/19 02:05 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,656
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,656
Amen to that! Iím like the ultimate validater Wouldnít hurt to get a little in return .

Eh. Iíll validate my own darn feelings

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