Hey jac thanks for the reminder haha does no good trying to mind read.
U, my initial thoughts were the same as yours: she is stalling D for whatever reason.
AS, thanks but I actually ended up having lunch with her today, didn’t see your post in time oops.
So yeah we had lunch, first time in a long time. I was expecting her to bring up the D. She did not. Had a pleasant time, I’ll leave it at that. Still unsure of her motives and also sort of felt like it was a temp check or something.
Actually I had a broader point. She could be stalling, she could want to R, who knows, just be cautious and wary that it could be anything. I should have clarified that.
You are right. I know I shouldn’t be trying to mind read but I still do once in a while haha. It’s funny, you think you have DBing down well and then slip up here and there. There’s always things to improve on I suppose.
Few hours after lunch I got a “thanks for lunch” text. Replied “no worries”. She wrote a couple more texts that didn’t warrant a response from me so I didn’t reply. About an hour later I get a “I miss you” text. Replied with “oh really” text that I saw sandi recommend saying when you get similar messages.
I think her heart is softening towards me a bit, but there I go assuming her thoughts again lol.
GAL going well. Took my S to a water park and then to dinner with some friends. My hockey team has a game tonight and we’ve won 14 in a row, so I got that going for me.
Some close friends of mine just found out their 50 something year old father has been having an affair for months. Felt so much sympathy for them and was able to give them a lot of emotional support and advice. So brutal hearing about this. Before my sitch I probably wouldn’t have cared much, but having experienced it myself has really opened my eyes to the pain things like this cause. I know they must be hurting so much. Thanks guys
AS, thanks but I actually ended up having lunch with her today, didn’t see your post in time oops.
I was just suggesting that because I thought you didn't want to go, but obviously you were OK with it since you went She invited so it's fine if you go in that case (assuming you want to). It really messes with some people's detachment so it's a personal preference.
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So yeah we had lunch, first time in a long time. I was expecting her to bring up the D. She did not. Had a pleasant time, I’ll leave it at that. Still unsure of her motives and also sort of felt like it was a temp check or something.
GOOD! A lunch with zero pressure from you may very well help her to start seeing you in a different light.
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She wrote a couple more texts that didn’t warrant a response from me so I didn’t reply. About an hour later I get a “I miss you” text. Replied with “oh really” text that I saw sandi recommend saying when you get similar messages.
I think her heart is softening towards me a bit, but there I go assuming her thoughts again lol.
It's a good sign for sure. I wouldn't throw a party just yet, stick to your DB'ing. But she may very well be learning to miss you. Do you know the castle analogy? If not I'll pull it out of my notes and repost it. She's still going to run back in the castle now and then.
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GAL going well. Took my S to a water park and then to dinner with some friends. My hockey team has a game tonight and we’ve won 14 in a row, so I got that going for me.
IMO your W is just trying to manipulate you and control the situation. I wouldn't have responded to the " I miss you text". She doesn't like she is losing plan b because plan a is solidified. Based on your last few posts it sounds like you are not ready to D yet.
Hey AS, yes I’ve heard the castle analogy! Thanks for your feedback.
LH and Ginger thanks. Yes I get the feeling she is trying to manipulate too. Yes I don’t really want to D. But I think it’s for the best. I told her a couple months ago I wouldn’t be in an open R. Which is what it is now. I need to stick to my word. While I hope for R eventually, many things would have to change. I also plan on buying a house within the next year so the longer I sit around in marriage limbo the longer I will need to stall buying a house. My rent is pretty high at my current house so it feels like I’m just flushing my money down the drain the longer it takes to get my house. Thanks guys
I get and respect that you are being true to yourself and your values. I wish more LBS would do the same. Having said that then stick to them and no more lunches and responding to texts. Move forward with the process. If she truly wants to stop the process and reconcile then she will have to put on her big girl pants and do the necessary work. Not with games and manipulation but with hard work and maturity.
Welp got another lunch invite today, politely declined.
I feel like I know the answer to this but does not replying to texts ever seem a bit rude? I haven’t been replying to a lot of her texts lately and I wonder if this could come across as holding a grudge or something. For instance if I text someone and they don’t reply l know i get a little pissed.
I know the circumstances are different with her leaving me and all but I’ve said and acted in some pretty negative ways before BD and a big focus of mine currently is removing these negative actions. Thanks
She invited so it's fine if you go in that case (assuming you want to). It really messes with some people's detachment so it's a personal preference.