I'm a returning contributor and a bit of a fraud. My marriage broke up 18 years ago( very painful ) and I got into a new relationship 16 years ago( not actually married ). History has repeated and she has just left me for another guy only this time I'm fighting like crazy to get her back. I'm boring my friends with my constant obsession so I thought I might get support from more like-minded people on this site. My insights may be useful to fellow sufferers too.
Some background: our relationship became stale for a number of reasons:-
Subconciously because of the baggage I was carrying from my previous relationship I was not committing fully for fear of getting hurt again
We have been conflict avoiders so could not resolve our issues well
medical and other issues inhibited sex( we didn't talk this through )
We stopped trying
In summary we were good friends but she did not feel the love she craved( my fault ) and I felt I could no longer make her really happy. I was drinking too much and this radically affected my energy levels, awareness, ability to act and so many other things.( Advice to heavy drinkers - get this under control it can change your life for the better ).
After I stopped the booze she told me she was going out the following night on a date with an old friend whose marriage was on the rocks( she'd known about this for weeks but didn't tell me). I admitted that I didn't seem to make her happy, I wanted her to be happy and that the idea made sense. I thought I could not compete. A few days later I suggested we got together for a special last intimate occasion not really expecting her to agree. Wow - she agreed without question and we had a magnificent weekend. I now realised I could make her happy and I did not want to let her go. But she was committed. We were frequently intimate in the next 2 weeks and we started to talk more openly. I thought I had saved the situation but she decided she could not carry on with both of us and gave me the boot. He has been treating her like a princess and she says she is having the time of her life. He is well minted and has the benefit of a long acquaintance with her. But I know I'm under her skin.
I've worked hard on myself and she has noticed. Now for the signs that I see as positive. What do you experts( especially the women ) think about these:-
I wrote her a poem that explored her mind quite deeply and she got very angry
I apologised for upsetting her, we discussed it and she forgave me( she never disputed the content )
After the anger she wrote down her feelings in a notebook. She showed it to me and it was a list of the things I didn't do that he did.
She has shown interest in a date I went on.
After complaining that she didn't want me to go on a golf weekend she organised for the golf club she has arranged for us to share a room.
I intend to go dark for a bit but we are still on good speaking terms. Any advice or insights would be appreciated.
Now divorced, boys grown up. Now in new failed relationship( never again, please )