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Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2861018
08/11/19 11:37 PM
08/11/19 11:37 PM
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Posts: 2,660
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AndrewP Offline OP
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AndrewP  Offline OP
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FSL is on a similar level of sophistication as B. So it is unlikely that was her take on things.

On the other hand CL posted a rant about how the next generation will be very plugged in and was well aware of China's social scoring initiative.

Where I am in my rural area it is a toss up between cultural fit and just looking for a kind heart.

I am more likely to find a kind heart than someone who has memorized Monty Python.

CL does have a Tardis Christmas ornament. But she also has a lot of other issues going on.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2861020
08/12/19 12:21 AM
08/12/19 12:21 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,894
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kml Offline
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"I got better". Lol Monty Python. You might have to date a bit older for that.

Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2861057
08/12/19 12:49 PM
08/12/19 12:49 PM
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Dawn70 Offline
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You know I have to chime in, but it really is out of love, Andrew. STOP contacting B. I said before and I'll say again, it is a lovely sentiment to want to remain friends, but to what end? What good does it really do either of you to do so? I understand it from those who share children or other responsibilities that might make regular (or even intermittent) contact a must, but you and B had a nice time and had feelings for each other, but clearly, you were not on the same page, so what good does it do to preserve a friendship? It is like picking a scab...it just keeps opening the wound.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
FSL is on a similar level of sophistication as B. So it is unlikely that was her take on things.

On the other hand CL posted a rant about how the next generation will be very plugged in and was well aware of China's social scoring initiative.

Where I am in my rural area it is a toss up between cultural fit and just looking for a kind heart.

I am more likely to find a kind heart than someone who has memorized Monty Python.

CL does have a Tardis Christmas ornament. But she also has a lot of other issues going on.

PLEASE, I implore you, do NOT go down the CL road again either. Regardless of whether she got her crap together after your last bout of interest in her, she is not "the one" either. She friend-zoned you, albeit maybe out of necessity at the time, but I didn't get the sense that she was ever truly honest with you and that she maybe even played to your obvious feelings for her a bit. I could be wrong, as those are just inferences based on what you were telling us and no actual knowledge on my part, but I don't think I am. I think you were enamored of her beauty, her intelligence, her position and I think you tipped your hand because you are a demonstrative guy and I suspect that she liked the attention since she was going through D but she continued to hold you at arm's length. Women don't do that to men that they REALLY have feelings for (beyond friendship, because I do believe she truly thinks of you as a friend). How is that for a bunch of mind-reading? LOL That's exactly what it all is, but my point here is that, right now, you are hurting and you are looking for some type of comfort, be that from continuing to reach out to B and feeling validated when she responds back in some way or thinking about CL and going back down that road or whatever. I was always on team FSL, but you compared her to B in this post, as far as "level of sophistication", so that tells me that maybe she isn't right either, because clearly, with B, you were settling. You don't need to settle, Andrew. You are a great catch. There is some amazing woman out there right now just wishing, hoping, praying to find you and when the time is right, y'all will find each other. In the meantime, don't settle and don't allow yourself to be friend-zoned and just take what crumbs someone will throw you. You deserve SO much more than that.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2861066
08/12/19 01:23 PM
08/12/19 01:23 PM
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 515
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Westo Offline
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^^^^^^^^

What Dawn says above smile

Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2861067
08/12/19 01:28 PM
08/12/19 01:28 PM
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Ginger1 Offline
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I am also in agreement. CL absolutely thought of you as a friend, but no more than that.

You need to find someone you are compatible with and shows you an equal level of love and respect. Go forward, not backwards !

Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2861069
08/12/19 01:42 PM
08/12/19 01:42 PM
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A giver Andrew that will love and appreciate all of the kind things you do not put you in the friend zone for it.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2861072
08/12/19 02:03 PM
08/12/19 02:03 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,660
Canada
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AndrewP Offline OP
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Thanks for the loving kicks all wink

Today would have been my 30th anniversary. I woke up alone, fed the cats, decided to take a sick day and have a good wallow. The cats were thrilled that they got to come up on the big bed with me which pretty much only happens on days like this.

Tomorrow will be a better day. But for today, I'm going to wallow for a while.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2861119
08/12/19 06:19 PM
08/12/19 06:19 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,055
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Dawn70 Offline
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It's ok to wallow. Really it is. Just don't unpack and live there. Tomorrow WILL be better. Wallow it out today, then move forward tomorrow.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2861139
08/12/19 07:51 PM
08/12/19 07:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,660
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AndrewP Offline OP
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Work is slow right now anyway so I don't feel too bad about taking a mental health day. I've answered some emails.

Went for a walk around the block and did the "country block" which was about 8 3/4km or for those who still are using old school measures is about 5 1/2 miles. I took my time, listened to the birds, stopped and looked at the wildflowers, avoided the road-kill and it took me a bit under 2 hours.

I think that the last time I did that particular walk was last year and I was freaked out when I encountered my ex-wife on that back road. I mused when I was out there that if I had just gone straight I would have ended up at the store she works at / lives above but that would be all sorts of bad news. Given how things are in my world right now, I almost expected to see her there today.

S24 was curious about why I was home but completely understood when I mentioned that today would have been 30 years. Which is only part of what I'm processing.

I did stumble across some dishes of B's last night when tidying up, messaged her "are these your's" and she asked me to set them by the door tomorrow along with some of her baking ingredients she forgot. There was no ILU - just polite and business like. I'm going to have a sweep around the house to see if there is anything else left but I don't think so.

The inescapable conclusion is that it wasn't working for B and I. I wasn't happy. She wasn't happy. I was somewhat oblivious to how unhappy she must have been but the fact that once the weather turned nicer she never spent much time here would have made that hard to know. When we were together everything seemed fine other than the battle over the gravy that one time. I was putting out an effort and cutting her a lot of slack because I knew about her issues with her son and didn't want to steal time away from her going to her cottage as this could be the last year she has it. I was doing what I thought a partner should do. Be patient and supportive. I was though also firming up my boundaries about not wanting to move any time soon and keeping the cats. I still can't shake the feeling that as I mentioned to a friend - that she was trying to turn me in to a more acceptable version of her ex-husband. Her note that she texted me stressed both how much she realized that she needs to deal with her baggage and that while she thought she could fit in my world, she just couldn't.

I went on to my phone and deleted all the text messages from B. No sense in keeping all of those around. We are still connected on FB for now at least. It's funny in some ways seeing what she has / is posting. It does appear that she has gotten on board with the idea of having a camper trailer when the cottage inevitably sells and she was also musing with a friend about going on vacation to PEI again. It's a darned shame she's utterly broke. Not my issue to worry about any more.

I'm going to be ok. I know this. My walk helped me process a lot as does examining my entrails here. I probably don't have to process / rethink much more but I do need some time and distance. I think my trip next month will mark a turning point for me.

Anyone have any suggestions for foods to try when I'm in Madrid? Having a picture or two from there will certainly make my OLD profile stand out I would imagine from the shirtless dudes wearing sunglasses and holding fish.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: From Ushant to Scilly 'tis thirty-five leagues [Re: AndrewP] #2861173
08/13/19 12:30 AM
08/13/19 12:30 AM
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Posts: 14,894
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kml Offline
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I've never been to Spain but I'm pretty sure you're required to have paella, and maybe on another night tapas. And yes, get some good photos of you sightseeing, I'd definitely be more interested in a guy online who has photos like that (as opposed to the one guy who had a photo of himself, in a bathrobe, holding a live duck.) Especially because yOUR photos won't have an ex obviously cut out of them.

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