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bhappy2 #2858578 07/24/19 11:44 PM
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^^^^^

bhappy2 #2858772 07/26/19 12:38 PM
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Updating:

Let me start with this, there is a real sense of relief and optimism in my house right now, my children and I have really become much closer in the last 12 months. I am just enjoying my time with them more and more. We have had two bbq's so far this summer (havent done this in the last 5 yrs.).

D20 may become a police officer as she is really asking a lot of questions. I will guide her best I can. All good stuff.

W sent over dog food and money for dog to go to Vet. I was very surprised, I texted her thank you and she texted back, said that she was happy to help. Sent a couple more texts joking around and she actually was playful. First time in two years.

D20 spent yesterday with W and couldnt wait to tell me all about it. Lunch, shopping... you get the idea.

S23 and S22 are no where near building a relationship with her as it will take more time, they are angry and not afraid to tell me, I valid them and tell them that is their mom and in time you will be able to forgive.

I contacted the soccer coach that I will be coaching with for my friend who passed away's son. I am really looking forward to this and I will give it 100% effort. I miss my friend so much.

I have a huge baseball card collection that I have just started to unpack, I forgot how much I enjoyed doing this. Plus I have some really valuable cards. I started to show my boys and they couldnt believe I save unopened packs, all the way back to 1981. I have many Cal Ripken rookie cards, he was one of my favorite players.

I also started to pay closer attention to my retirement funds, I enjoy reading about different stocks and companys. This needed more attention as I approach retirement.

If your spouse told you they want a D... you will have fear... but do not fear the unknown, I promise (that means my word) you wll feel better if you follow the advice on this site. Get a coach, read, but be careful not to try and absorb all the info at once. Let it soak in for a long time and process that info... take each step one by one... last but not least keep your mouth closed, not everyone will be there to help, some will enjoy your agony.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
bhappy2 #2860181 08/05/19 05:24 PM
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Hey everyone, need some help, W keeps asking for more communication. I have made several attemps to talk to her about the D and she was receptive. But I have noticed that when there is a decision to be made she gets cold and somewhat quick to end the call. This would have to be about the children and dog, I told her that I do not want the dog for the 100th time and she is insisting that I take him. I realize that is more of the confusion that she want everything to be difficult.

Even now after over two years she wants everyone to not know anything. Just found out today that she hasnt talked to our two sons and limited contact with D's. She did buy D20 a bunch of stuff for her college return. BTW our D is almost final and we now had to have court adjourned bc she changed the agreement. This really is harder than losing her. The amount of unbelievable nonsense is overwhelming. She agreed for me to keep my health insurance for 12 months, now she wants to drop me from her plan today. She agreed that I would keep the buy down of the principle of the mortgage but now she wants half...ugh....this is mentally exhausting.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
bhappy2 #2863817 09/02/19 08:43 PM
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Posts: 339
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Updating:

Happier and happier everyday!

Well I am moving along living the best life possible, going on dates, meeting new people and thoroughly enjoying work. After one of my best friends passed away on July 16th I have now regained my composure, it is way harder than getting divorced. I did not run because I just couldnt get motivated. Its slowly but surely coming back.

Court case: To put this in the easiest way possible my divorce is nothing short of bizarre. Everything was settled, but actually is it ever? NO... we agreed in the court house to everything, then a she changed her mind on almost everything. More confusion, more craziness... I do not react anymore its in my lawyers hands.

S23 saw his mom for the first time in 9 months yesterday, he said she was overly nice, doting on him. His words were "It was weird". He said she really changed and wasnt sure if she was wacky, or just awkward. He just couldnt explain it. She asked him to come home and get the dog, he did, she cried when she saw him. Ok... whatever! He did say something a little off to me, he said Dad, if mom contacts you dont answer her or talk to her ever again. I said why? He said just dont shes not a good person. I said thank you but you leave that decision to me.

D25 stayed at the house with me last night, great just hanging with her. She said she is going to come more often.

D20 just got a job up at college to make extra money. I know she is struggling mentally with all that occured. Wish I could help her more, she will get through this.

S22 is away on vacation, he text he is having a great time.

Moving forward, looking to my future.

Sorry you are here, it will get worse then it will get great!


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
bhappy2 #2863849 09/03/19 12:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
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So there you are BH, shining bright. Keep that road you´ve chosen.

Stay strong man, onward, upward and inward. Really happy man!

(((BH)))


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
bhappy2 #2867694 10/08/19 08:59 PM
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Still here with many new developments... I cannot post anything as of yet bc I believe my W may have had access to me posting here. Will post more later.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
bhappy2 #2876678 12/18/19 08:10 PM
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Hello all... Havent been on in a while but I need to share with anyone who doesnt believe they can get through this...

Please if you are really hurting and the pain is unbareable go get help!! You may not be able to cope on your own. There are many resources to help you, dont be afraid to ask for help from anyone. The following story just happened last wednesday and it is the hardest thing to understand.

When my sitch first started I reached out to many coworkers that had the same thing happen to them as me, we all worked night shift for many years and the patterns were the same. Unhappy wives who moved on to greener pastures, as a matter of fact the divorce rate was prob around 80% for the dept. I was in. It looked to me like after many years of working nights it took its toll on the marraige.

So one of the people I spoke with was a long time friend who was further down the road then me and was already divorced. He maintained a friendship with his ex and he was still trying to get her back. He had many issues in his marraige but besides working nights he also had some financial instability. A few moths ago his business partner stole his investment and he was on the verge of bankrupcy.

I had so many conversations with him over the last 2 years and many times we spent 2 hours or more talking about working on ourselves and such. I must say he had me fooled about how good he was doing. I was doing all the reading, watching all the videos... following the suggestings on this site. I was and still am doing well. I have a clear understanding of what needs to be done as hard as it is.

My friend move away from his ex and started to do well in his new business, he would come home every few months to see his adult children. When he was home he would see his ex and they did sleep together which gave hime hope that they could get back together. He really thought the more he had sex with her the closer they could get to being together. NOPE... wasnt going to happen, she had an agenda and it wasnt reconcilliation.

So he loses his business, has no money, moves back to the area and has to live with a family memeber bc he has no money. He begins calling the ex. She now wants nothing to do with him, he tries harder and harder... she pushes him further and further away. His kids are now telling him to stop. Hes distraught, he upset, cant think straight...he will not reach out for help. He goes out with a friend (another co worker whos W left him) they have dinner, a few drinks. He gets dropped of and then decides to go visit the ex. He gets to her house and she lets him in and he begins to beg and plead... I love you I want my family back together... she tells him no its over... his adult child is there telling him he needs to leave...he walks out the front door and kills himself... Unreal!!! devistated... heartbroken....

Go seek out help, its never that bad... you will get through this.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
bhappy2 #2876681 12/18/19 08:37 PM
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Wow that's a terrible story. I think this really highlights one of the reasons we focus so much here on working on yourself and becoming detached and independent, because whether recon happens or not you're prepared to move on to the next chapter in life. No one is attracted to clinginess and desperation so he never really had a chance with her.

It sounds like you on the other hand are doing well, so that's good to hear! Very sorry to hear about your friend though.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Thank you AS, I appreciate all your help throughout this process. I didnt just use this site although this site was of great value to me.

Life is a work in progress... always progressing.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
bhappy2 #2898628 06/26/20 10:03 PM
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 339
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Still here, still reading, still technically married, wow its been an incredible 3 years since my ordeal began. BTW I wouldn't change a thing... this is the greatest thing that has happened to me, boy I was living under a rock. There is an beautiful world out here, don't let anyone take away your shine. I found mine through tremendous hard work. Reading here on this site... you cannot put a price on this site, its invaluable!

Me... more friendly, nicer, more straight forward in a nice way, better boundries (no i dont give up on those boundries), in the best physical shape in my life, best finacial situation I have been in since I got married. Many opportunities for a relationship.. but I will wait to find the right person. It has to feel right, we have to click. Better relationship with my children, its beautiful.. as we get to know each other again.

My ex has had some reality checks and I got a full dose of her manipulation last night. I completed my taxes and my accountant suggested he take a look at filing married to see if we could save some money. I told him I didnt want to call my ex,(not interested in speaking with her), but I bit the bullet and did. She didn't answer, I left a message to please call me back. Three hours later she called, this is her way. Right off the bat I got Hi, how are you? Hows everything going? I don't give her an answer, I just get right into the convo. I explain that I may be able to save 3K dollars on my taxes if we file together, she said really? I said yes, if you could please consider calling my accountant and let him know your numbers.

She called him this morning, he ran the numbers and just called me to say that my wife owes the government over 3K and it wouldn't pay to file together. I now know why she was so willing to file together, unreal! She said to me on the phone as long as she doesnt have to pay, she will gladly file together... NOPE! not going to happen.

I am on vacation this week and love the fact that I can get so much done around the house. It really feels so good accomplishing things that have been put off way too long.

To anyone fighting through this personal pain, please know there is light and the end of the tunnel for you, you can do it. I thought life was over, NOT BY A LONG SHOT. You have wonderful accomplishments ahead of you, go for it.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
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