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A Message from Michele
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These Old Shades #2859803
08/01/19 08:32 PM
08/01/19 08:32 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,885
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline OP
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bttrfly  Offline OP
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Hello! Thanks everyone for the comments on the last thread, starting a new one here.

Old thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2859541&page=1

DnJ, Pinn ... you guys are great - but I don't see myself just leaning over and kissing anyone ever. Not my style! Westo, yes! Sing it sister! I think you're all correct and I'm being way too subtle though to me it seems that I'm anything but ...
oh, well... I am so tempted to have this discussion via text or something, because I'm monster chicken heart, but I think it's best to wait til the next time I see him in person and get a sense then of whether the stars are aligned for a favorable outcome or not, lol

My work buddy and I were on a long drive today and I told him about this. He laughed and said we are two rudderless ships on the ocean going around in circles ... then likened us to Pacey and Joey and some Saved by the Bell couples ... meaning STOP being teenagers and be more direct.

Sigh.


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: These Old Shades [Re: bttrfly] #2859811
08/01/19 09:10 PM
08/01/19 09:10 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,885
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline OP
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bttrfly  Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2015
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Massachusetts
the title is a favorite book by one of my favorite authors ... Georgette Heyer ... Queen of regency Romance (not bodice rippers) ... in deference to Bro from another mother's efforts to mock my tender sensibilities, lol.


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: These Old Shades [Re: bttrfly] #2859815
08/01/19 09:25 PM
08/01/19 09:25 PM
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,047
North East US
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pinn Offline
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Hey ya bfly. I actually didn’t mean to go for the kiss... I was just agreeing with DnJ... sometimes us guys are totally obtuse when it comes to this stuff. Don’t know about your friend, but I am super guilty of this. I just see nothing and need clear signs.... a total dunce!

Oh! And I was thinking if I were in your friends shoes, and you started talking about dating... I think I would list potential dates as well even if I dug you. And I have absolutely no idea why. Maybe I would take that as a sign that you aren’t into me and we are too far in the friend zone??? I think I would mention guys that I knew were highly unlikely for you to go for though (ala your brother from another mother). Just my weird perspective.

I think the hand hold might be a good idea.


Sun is shinin' in the sky
There ain't a cloud in sight
It's stopped rainin' everybody's in a play
And don't you know
It's a beautiful new day, hey hey
Re: These Old Shades [Re: bttrfly] #2859848
08/02/19 12:34 AM
08/02/19 12:34 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,885
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline OP
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bttrfly  Offline OP
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Massachusetts
Hi Pinn ... yup women can be obtuse at times also. I can try a hand hold and see what happens. xoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: These Old Shades [Re: bttrfly] #2859964
08/03/19 01:43 AM
08/03/19 01:43 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,885
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2015
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Massachusetts
so kids two virginal experiences for me today!

The first: I decided to do something I've never done before - get my hair highlighted. I've had serious hairdresser fear since I was a little kid. I have very fine naturally curly hair and people always want to layer it or cut it super short ... worst thing you can do to my hair, unless you want the Roseanne RosannaDana look, which isn't my thing. Also, I not really adventurous with color. But now, I have lovely caramel and dark blonde highlights just like when I was a little kid and spent every waking moment out in the sunshine all summer long. I'm so happy with how it looks smile I sent a photo to my friend and he was completely shocked - my stylist also blew it out straight so we could get a good look at the color - he likes it smile

The second: Well as I've mentioned, I'm writing a 4th step (fearless moral inventory) focused mainly on relationships, as it's an opportunity to get super introspective, identify behaviours that no longer serve and free myself of the baggage of the past so I can move into my future lighter, happier and more at peace while also knowing what not to repeat! As part of this I've become very aware of certain things I do but also certain things I avoid doing out of fear. One big thing is not saying something if something bothers me for fear of rejection. So today I actually initiated a conversation with friend about something that's been nagging at me for a while and OMG it was AWESOME! My concern was immediately addressed.SHOCK. I am usually the one asking to get together. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm the only one interested here. What we've both realized is that I have way more variables when planning an outing than he does. I have to line up dog walker, mom stuff and sometimes son stuff also, whereas he's going through his mad busy Saturday with his son's activities and doesn't think about free time until he has it on Sunday. He can then be so much more spontaneous than I can afford to be right now. We came to this realization together in such an easy way. I'm blown away and impressed all at the same time.

Yay for virginal experiences!!


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: These Old Shades [Re: bttrfly] #2859991
08/03/19 01:54 PM
08/03/19 01:54 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,629
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DnJ Online
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Good Morning bttrfly

What a great update.

Your highlights sound like they turned out perfect. And straight hair?!? smile A shock to friend, which was well received with two thumbs up.

Fearless moral inventory. Are you still on track to be complete by August 7th? I was wondering why the date, and figured it is a goal to help push you to do the introspective digging around.

The talk with friend is fantastic. As well as the outcome. Yay, indeed.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me51 XW48 S22 S21 S18 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: These Old Shades [Re: bttrfly] #2860006
08/03/19 04:37 PM
08/03/19 04:37 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,885
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline OP
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bttrfly  Offline OP
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Posts: 2,885
Massachusetts
Went over to Mom's this morning. "Hey Mom" usual talking back and forth. After about 15 minutes I stood under the recessed light in her kitchen, "Mom ... notice anything?" She looks at me ... walks closer ... silence. then, "WHAT did YOU DO?"

Hahhhhahhha

"I just dropped 20 years, Mom. Like it?"

"Yes, you did! You're too young to let the grays show"

Momnapped her. Made her breakfast. She wanted to listen to Dean Martin so we did while I unpacked the wedding china and crystal and put it into the newly painted hutch. Did I mention I spent last Saturday chalk painting an old 1920s hutch one of my good friends gave me when I moved to my apartment? It was that old dark brown ... not no more. Aqua blue chalk paint with a tan contrast to bring out the details in the wood. Now it is filled with china and crystal and there are less boxes in my life. Yay.

I wanted her to try out her bathroom here, so I helped her take a shower - the grab bars aren't in yet, so I wanted to stay very close. She's now ensconced on the love seat, had a Klondike bar and is watching her cooking shows. I'm about to do her laundry and go back to organizing the dining room.

In a little while we will check out the new Sketchers outlet and get her some new sneakers, then I'll buy a dehumidifier and a gas powered string trimmer for our property.

I won't lie, I'm pretty tired, but it's the next day and I still really LOVE my new hair, complete with cut (just a trim).

Son is at work. I will make some coffee and put it in the fridge so he'll have iced coffee when he gets home. Not sure what to cook everyone for dinner. I've cleaned out the fridge. Feeling a bit tired. It was a long week.

DnJ thanks for the post - why the 7th? Because I have a monthly therapy session on the 7th and I want to do a 5th step at that session. A 5th step is basically sharing the 4th step. I think it will be valuable and don't want to wait until my session in September to do that. I feel a pressing need to get on with the business of living my own vision of my life, not reacting to someone else's actions. A friend of mine wrote a book. In it is a great quote: ""The shaman understands that if you are not dreaming your own world, you are living someone else's dream." Someone else's dream could be your nightmare - especially in the case of the WAS and the LBS or the crazed MLCr and those they drag through their insanity.

As for the talk - text conversation, really. Yeah, neither of us really stopped to think about spontaneity vs needing to plan so that everyone / everything gets done. It made me feel a lot better and it was effortless once I got over the fear of bringing it up.

With exh, often bringing something up would lead to a passive aggressive experience or worse, a cold and cutting argument. Standing up for myself or asking for clarity sometimes simply wasn't worth the price. Nice way for someone to control their partner. That's on exh. What's on me is making it clear to myself most of all that indeed I AM worth standing up for.

happy Saturday! back to work!


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: These Old Shades [Re: bttrfly] #2860007
08/03/19 04:57 PM
08/03/19 04:57 PM
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,047
North East US
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pinn Offline
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Wow you sound great! Keep it up!


Sun is shinin' in the sky
There ain't a cloud in sight
It's stopped rainin' everybody's in a play
And don't you know
It's a beautiful new day, hey hey
Re: These Old Shades [Re: bttrfly] #2860009
08/03/19 05:09 PM
08/03/19 05:09 PM
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 520
Wales
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Westo Offline
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Westo  Offline
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It’s wonderful how a new hair colour can really cheer someone up. I used to run my own hairdressing business and cut and colour was my specialty.

It’s a very rewarding job when you can see the difference it makes to a woman smile

Re: These Old Shades [Re: bttrfly] #2860017
08/03/19 08:05 PM
08/03/19 08:05 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,885
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline OP
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bttrfly  Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,885
Massachusetts
thx Pinn! Westo, wish you could see it, it's very subtle and looks great. I don't know if I am happy because of how it looks or because I had the guts to try something new with my hair, lol!!


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
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