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Journaling...

Batchitzrazy breeds more craziness. The ex-w is driving my d17 to a drill team camp about 5 hours away. The d17 will stay on site at the camp all week while learning and enjoying herself. The ex-w will be staying with several of the moms that have gone on the trip as drivers/chaperones. The d17 just sent me a text asking if a good friend of mine is single because they are trying to set up one of the d17's friends moms.

I would like to think that my ex-w would not involve my d17 in the crazy world of the MLC'er, but I guess that is too much to ask. It makes me wonder if they are also cruising the other single parents to set up my ex-w. What a role model she is turning into for my kids. It's like a divorced Bachelorette reality show. Let's see how many of our parents are single and we can play match maker and see who hooks up.

I'm out...I'm still praying for her, but I realize that my prayers are changing.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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How are your prayers changing ?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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SBJ,

I’m sorry about that development.

But really don’t take it personally.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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bttrfly, I think that they are changing more for her well being/healing rather than for personal selfish reasons. I pray for her health, both mental and physical, and for God's will be to be done.

gord, I don't think I'm taking it personal, but when she involves my kids in any craziness then maybe I do.

I have been following along with several of the new peeps on here and it is still strange to see the script that ehe MLCer uses. I came across some pages written by the ex-w and it brought the similarities back to life.

One of my good friends ex-w passed away last week. They have 4 kids together and he is broken up about it. They had been divorced for 10 years and both were remarried. His kids are rebelling in 2 ways. The first is obvious because mom died, but the second is rebelling because they blame him for their parents divorce. These kids are in high school and it happened 10 years ago, yet they are just now rebelling because of the D. I know it is due to the death of the mother, but it just shows that no matter how much our MLC'er thinks that our kids are going to be ok, they will have a lot of healing to do.

Please pray for my friend, his current w, and their kids as they try and become a whole family again.

Cycling is going well...I encourage everyone to ramp up their exercise and get moving.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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SBJ

I don’t know what is going on with your xw and it is disturbing when they do not act like the parents they used to be.

My own experience makes me feel your xw is treating d17 more like a gf with whom you gossip about boys.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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SBJ, I hear you on the disagreeing. I think it is very hard for me even after six years to not see this all as "temporary." I keep thinking the real H will reappear no matter how repulsive and evil he becomes.

The difference for me now is that I don't want to ask God to bring him back anymore. I still feel that it's God's will but I am finding that I don't want to ask God to complete his will. I get really upset at the thought that of years of celibacy -- not physically but just the affection -- or at having to take this horrible person back into my heart, let alone my bed! So mostly I just ask God to forgive me for that and for the other ways I have been turning away from Him. But I still pray constantly, even when I am feeling unworthy, to try to stay close.

About your friend's ex dying -- I TOTALLY understand that. It becomes impossible to separate any life event from the shattering of the family. My experience at my mother's funeral, two years post BD, was to me further proof of why divorce was so horrible. I was struck by how many awful things about the experience (funeral, packing her things, etc) were only awful because of my parents divorce confusing things. She was even buried many many hours from where me and my brother lived and grew up, in my stepfather's family plot, so I can never visit her grave. So all I can say about your friend is that his kids are giving a very true and right response, and trying to change that or suppress it would only make it worse. He needs to just listen and understand and wait for them to work through it. And pray pray pray!

SBJ, I am always praying for you. I often think of you, DnJ and Gordie to remind myself it's not about us -- if any woman would leave any of you, who are to me the pinnacle of great men to have as a husband, it's clearly not about you!

Last edited by Gerda; 07/28/19 01:26 PM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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Happy Hump Day...Journaling

Just had to work with my ex for the last 4 hours...we both work for an extended family business. Time filled with cutting up and laughter. As she is grabbing her purse to leave she says..."I'm sure you've heard that I am seeing someone, but I don't want you to stop coming to family functions". WTF

She then confirmed that all of my kids have met this DB and that he is very nice to them and that the kids get along with him great. She again stated that she wants me to continue to attend her family functions even though this DB is going to be there.

She assured me that nothing inappropriate goes on when the kids are in the house with them, because he is such a stand up guy. Also said that his ex-wife does things inappropriate in the house when their 2 kids are home and my ex and this DB are appalled.

I simply stated that for the last 3 years I have worked on myself. I have prayed for a different outcome, but that now we are here talking about this. I said I understand that you think that this is the right thing for you, but that it does change how I will relate to her and my ex-in-laws from here on out. There is no way that I can continue to attend family events...when I have been fired from that part of the family.

It's funny when they say that they "understand", but there is no way that they could even relate.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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I'm sorry. I would just like to point out that you may have been fired by exw, but you and her family seem very close. Don't throw them away because of her MLC.

just my $.02


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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First of all -- ((((SBJ)))))))

What a burden you are carrying today. That conversation sounds very painful, especially on the heels of a fun afternoon.

There is only one stand-up guy in that equation. The one who is/was standing for his marriage. The one who has to be explained as a stand-up guy with notations on how what a stand-down gal his ex-W is -- this is not a sign of a stand-up anything. It's a big mess.

Maybe a stand-up comedy? .

Or stand-up tragedy?

I object to your characterization of being fired. You were not fired. Your wife quit.

And I don't agree that you are throwing away your good relationship with the in-law family by not going to family functions where Stand-Up Idiot is. You should keep seeing them on your own terms, when you can find joy in that. You have not been following the ways of the world in any of this, and showing up to make nice with the OM at a family function to which only you have the convenant right to be there -- no way. Your kid's wedding, okay, you gotta go to that. But not any old family function. You are showing respect to your vows by not participating in an equation that has no equals sign.

So I also object to your saying to your wife what you said. You are not a victim! (That's what the guys have been telling me.) I would have said lightly, "Oh, thanks for the sentiment, but out of respect to our marriage, I wouldn't do that. I really do love your family, don't worry, I'll see them on my own terms as much as ever."

Also -- We can't do things to change our spouses. But being absent from those family functions could be a little mirror for her. Ain't no way Stand-Up Guy (aka, SUG) is gonna measure up. He'll just be a reminder of the Great Big SBJ-Sized Hole in the family, a hole he can't fill.

Last edited by Gerda; 08/02/19 03:49 AM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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bttrfly, I agree about the in-laws. I have been blessed with in-laws that I have loved just like parents. I have told her father and step mother that I love them and will see them with my kids as much as we can. As for her mother and step father, I do love them, but I still seem to hold some resentment for them still from moving her out of our home and furnishing a townhouse for her. I know that is something that I need to get over, but when I do see them, it is not as warm and fuzzy as with the other pair of in-laws.

They have all been a part of my life for 28 years and will continue to be. I need to get thru the hard feelings, but I'll be damned if I subject myself to having to be in the same place, acting like I am enjoying myself if I don't have to. It is insane. I would rather smash my thumb repeatedly with a hammer. haha!


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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