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A Message from Michele
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Gray Divorce Fallout #2858505
07/24/19 04:29 PM
07/24/19 04:29 PM
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kml Offline OP
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Time for a new thread I believe. Here's the link to my old one:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2839728&page=9

The title comes from an article in Bloomberg today about the financial fallout of gray divorce. I realize I'm fortunate in that regard, in that I was in a high income marriage, restarted my career on a small level before my divorce, and between my current income and alimony am not too far below what I might have been making if I hadn't been mommy-tracked in my career. Of course the retirement income won't go nearly as far for two separate households as it would have for one, but I was in a community property state and I will be able to manage my retirement ok when the day comes. It's not the more luxurious life we would have had if we'd stayed married but I consider myself fortunate.

One thing the article say is that basically, the way to recover financially is to couple back up. Yet most women do not - some due to the lack of available men that aren't looking to date younger, some because they don't desire remarriage. (I most definitely do not want to marry again although I would like a long term monogamous partner). I guess if I dated a guy who had an equal amount of money we could together have that more luxurious retirement - so far, none of my dates have come close to that financial stability and that's a problem with boomers too, too many haven't saved for retirement.

I think one thing we can do here though is encourage people, especially women, to look after their financial interests even when in the midst of the chaos, and create financial stability for themselves going forward.

Things that helped me:
Frugality - I'm not as frugal as I could be, but have always been generally good at managing my budget, prioritizing my spending, I'm a big fan of Your Money Or Your Life (book) and Mr. Money Mustache (blog). If you weren't the money manager in your marriage, educate yourself now.

Work - this time of reinvention is also a good time to up your game as far as career goes. I've seen so many people here do just that - I think DBing principles and the support of this group play a big role in that.

Plan - for retirement. Even if you're only in your 30's you should be thinking with that in mind. If you're late in life and don't have much time to save up for retirement you can still get creative about where you will live to lower your costs. (Think expats living in inexpensive countries on their social security checks and such).

Golden Girls - the fact that partnering back up rescues people from the financial fallout of gray divorce according to the article, doesn't mean that you have to couple back up. Much of those financial savings could be realized by co-housing - sharing expenses with friends or room mates. I don't know why more people don't do that. Good friends or family can fill in the holes left by a romantic partner's exit.

Other suggestions out there?

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2858509
07/24/19 04:40 PM
07/24/19 04:40 PM
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Remember too the best revenge is living well. I moved to a lower cost suburb but have a nicer house than my ex as a result, for 1/3 the cost. I learned to play the drums and vibraphone and have had an amateur music career (but sometimes playing with pros!) that I'm sure drives my ex crazy (because he always fancied himself the musician in the family, with his 10 Neil Young songs that he learned to strum on the guitar in college.) I've achieved professional recognition in my field. I'm arguably healthier than my ex now as we age. I think I look younger (even though he's 4 years younger than me). The kids all love me and have fraught relationships with him (or in the case of one son, no relationship). I'm happier than he is too (always was).

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2858536
07/24/19 07:07 PM
07/24/19 07:07 PM
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I saw that article as well recently on another site (waves - feel free to wave back).

When evaluating possible dating partners the thought of partnering up with another professional was certainly appealing. I got away rather well all things considered in my divorce and the dating pool in a reasonable distance of me has a number of professionals. Two nice incomes certainly would be a game changer. My ex (and B) both have more or less minimum wage incomes and presumably no retirement savings.

Sometimes I think of my rather nice life as being appropriate karma / revenge on my ex. But then I remember that what happened after she left has nothing to do with her. It's like I say sometimes - you don't know you're living under a cloud until you walk in the sunshine.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2858566
07/24/19 09:20 PM
07/24/19 09:20 PM
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Quote
It's like I say sometimes - you don't know you're living under a cloud until you walk in the sunshine.


I love that! Definitely a description of my marriage - not a big dark cloud but a subtle cloudy background - and I'm walking in the sunshine now (cue the Katrina nd the Waves "I'm Walking on Sunshine").

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2859034
07/28/19 07:20 AM
07/28/19 07:20 AM
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Status report on CMM: two weeks into his radiation treatment and shortness of breath is becoming an issue. He really hasn't been bothered by this since he recovered from the collapsed lung in September. However his oxygen levels have been dropping for the last week and his oncologist canceled his chemo yesterday and ordered a stat CT scan to rule out blood clots. Radiation therapist thinks it is airway inflammation due to the radiation and has put him on a short course of oral steroids. This is the standard treatment but is nerve wracking since CMM has a history of intractable hiccups with steroid injections ( one episode lasted 6 months and he lost 50 lbs.). Fingers crossed that the oral steroids won't do the same and that his breathing will improve. I can see that this is making him feel his mortality, even though it's not a crisis yet - his blood oxygen levels are normal if he wears his oxygen, and he can go a couple of hours without it, but he wasn't dependent on it during the day before (only at night).

And his mystery iron deficiency anemia still doesn't appear to be resolved even after colonoscopy and cauterizatipn of some blood vessels.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2859042
07/28/19 01:04 PM
07/28/19 01:04 PM
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I am so sorry that CMM is having a difficult time of it right now. Hopefully the medication will ease the coughing and he won't have any side effects from it.

Could the iron deficiency anemia be a side effect of the chemo or any of the other medications that he is taking?

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2859058
07/28/19 03:57 PM
07/28/19 03:57 PM
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His bone marrow is working fine as his white blood count is completely normal, so does not appear to be anemia due to bone marrow suppression from anemia. His iron levels were quite low and didn't improve with aggressive oral replacement (3 iron capsules AND three liver tablets with vitamin C daily) and his blood count improved only slightly with iron infusions only to start to fall again after they were done ( he's had a total of 15 iron infusions). The one grossly bloody stool he had suggests GI blood loss but his colonoscopy and upper GI endoscopy showed nothing but a couple of blood vessels that weren't bleeding but were cauterize anyway. PET scan didn't suggest and tumor inbthe abdomen.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2859059
07/28/19 04:00 PM
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Didn't suggest any tumor in the abdomen

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2859061
07/28/19 04:13 PM
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And no blood in the urine either.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2859107
07/28/19 11:33 PM
07/28/19 11:33 PM
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His iron deficiency is a mystery for sure. I do hope that his doctors can locate the issue and get his level back up to where it needs to be. Something is definitely not right.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2859957
08/02/19 11:36 PM
08/02/19 11:36 PM
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Long day today, blood transfusion, chemo, now radiation. Having cancer can be a full time job!

Soon I'll have to tell CMM that I may be touring for a week or so in October. Hoping he's still well enough by then for me to be gone. My friend has two albums being reissued and I will be touring on the East coast with her. Lots for me to learn in the meantime.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2859961
08/03/19 01:17 AM
08/03/19 01:17 AM
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^^^ any chance you're coming to Boston?


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2859976
08/03/19 05:21 AM
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I don't know the itinerary yet - it still hasn't been confirmed but will likely happen as we've toured with this headlining band before. But Boston would be a possibility; I'll let you know when I know more.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2860037
08/04/19 01:08 AM
08/04/19 01:08 AM
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great!


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2860213
08/05/19 08:47 PM
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Played a fun record store in-store Saturday to celebrate the re-release of two of my friend's albums. Then yesterday went to see Weird Al - SO much fun, he had a 41 piece orchestra playing with him and it was great. Even better, I had bought the tickets months and months ago and put them away in a safe place as soon as they came. I thought I remembered only buying tickets for myself and my oldest son, but when I opened them up yesterday, turns out I had splurged on 4 tickets! So CMM came and my son invited his friend along. A good time was had by all.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2860252
08/06/19 02:46 AM
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awesome!


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: bttrfly] #2860342
08/06/19 03:57 PM
08/06/19 03:57 PM
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Oh that would be fun to watch you in concert.
I guess it depends where and when you will be on the east coast.


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2860344
08/06/19 04:00 PM
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Yeah it's not confirmed yet so I don't have dates, supposed to be something like second week of October but I really don't know until it is settled.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2860389
08/06/19 08:48 PM
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Well I just looked on the website and it did not say anything but I bet I could convince Ginger to come too! smile

Keep us advised.


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2862008
08/19/19 11:22 PM
08/19/19 11:22 PM
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Will not be touring the East Coast this fall, looks like. I'm not sad because it would have been a difficult time to be away from CMM, and we will be playing 2 gigs locally with that band in mid-September - that will be enough fun for now.

Meanwhile I will be going to a conference in Napa in September and making a mini-vacation out of it with CMM by stopping in San Francisco on the way.

CMM has been having some difficulties with oxygen levels dropping and now has to use his oxygen 24/7 instead of just at night, but otherwise things are ok and I think the vacation will do him good.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2862042
08/20/19 11:38 AM
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frown
oh well. maybe next year. sorry CMM is having a tough time of it. xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2862132
08/20/19 08:26 PM
08/20/19 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by kml
Will not be touring the East Coast this fall, looks like.

Well let us know if you are going to be playing around the east coast at some other future date.
Would love to listen.

smile smile smile


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2862135
08/20/19 08:41 PM
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Hopefully sometime next spring.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2862166
08/21/19 12:08 AM
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YAY!


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2862357
08/22/19 03:00 AM
08/22/19 03:00 AM
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Finally catching up here... for some reason your posts have stopped coming to my email (I'll have to check my settings).

BIG HUGS!


Survival Goddess
"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker






Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2862363
08/22/19 03:44 AM
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Hey girl - was great seeing you!

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2863733
09/01/19 07:46 PM
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Interesting article in the WSJ today stating that marriages between people that meet online seem to be more successful.

Left yesterday morning for a working vacation with CMM - a few days of fun road trip then a few days teaching. CMM had a thoracentesis Thursday (drained 1.5 liters of fluid from his lung effusion). By Friday night he was running a fever (likely an infection from the procedure). Luckily I had some appropriate antibiotics at home so started him on a dose that night. We were scheduled to leave Saturday morning and I wasn't quite sure if we would be able to.We left although he was a little iffy yesterday. Today though he woke up without a fever so the antibiotics seem to be doing their job. Tonight we are dining at a restaurant that uses garlic in everything, so that should help cure him too!

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2864786
09/09/19 09:34 PM
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Well, it's been an eventful week. We got through the rest of our trip ok, conference went fine. But during the week my brother-in-law was admitted to the ICU with very bad staph sepsis (there's a 50% mortality rate). He's only 69 and in generally good health. We have no idea what started it.

Thankfully the Kaiser ICU in Portland is very up to date and started him on IV Vit C/steroids/thiamine which is a new treatment for sepsis that most places aren't using yet (I thought we'd have to fight for it but they'd already started it.) He's getting excellent care but it's still really dicey; he's had two surgeries so far to clean out some joints and may need dangerous surgery to clean out abcesses in his spine if they aren't clearing.

It just goes to show, none of us are promised tomorrow - get out there and LIVE.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2864889
09/10/19 07:55 PM
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Worse still, BIL has had a bad stroke and has acquired a hospital pneumonia from being on the ventilator. Things are not looking good.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2864896
09/10/19 08:58 PM
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I’m so sorry to hear you and your family are going through this. You are all in my thoughts

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: Ginger1] #2864904
09/10/19 09:25 PM
09/10/19 09:25 PM
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kml,

I am so very sorry to hear about your BIL. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2864908
09/10/19 10:28 PM
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Ohmigosh KML... that sounds nightmarish. So sorry to hear you BIL is going through this. Praying for you and your family. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2864926
09/11/19 01:43 AM
09/11/19 01:43 AM
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horrible! my brother from another mother had two bouts with sepsis that almost killed him. my prayers are with your bil, you and your family xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2864935
09/11/19 03:59 AM
09/11/19 03:59 AM
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Thanks everybody. He had another stroke overnight and the prognosis is dire. They are tweaking his antibiotics and having another staff meeting Friday but honestly, I think it's just to give the family time to come to grips with the idea of pulling the plug on the ventilator. I'm personally hoping that if he's not going to survive, that he dies naturally before then so my sister doesn't have to make that awful decision.

It really teaches two things - we all live in the moment. None of us are guaranteed the future.

Second, there are benefits to cancer as a way to die. You have time to knock some things off your bucket list. You have a chance to reconcile with people in your life. You have time to plan for your survivors. Sudden deaths like this deprive everybody of that closure.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2864943
09/11/19 08:11 AM
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So sorry to hear that your BIL is in such a bad way and fully understand the way you're thinking.

You are really doing it tough at the moment. I hope you're getting and doing what you need for yourself in amongst being a tower of strength for others. I also hope those others know how lucky they are to have you in their lives.


Me:55 H:55
S:22 S:20
M:24 T:26
BD:Aug 15
D:Sep 17
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2864954
09/11/19 12:13 PM
09/11/19 12:13 PM
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(((kml)))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2864965
09/11/19 01:11 PM
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{{{{{{{kml}}}}}}} I'm so very sorry sweetheart xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2864967
09/11/19 01:22 PM
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So sorry Kml. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2864968
09/11/19 01:24 PM
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Very sorry to hear.....prayers to you and your family.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2864982
09/11/19 02:49 PM
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So sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865084
09/12/19 03:09 AM
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Spoke with my sister today. She's pretty clear that this is not survivable with any quality of life at this point. He has a Do Not Resuscitate order and they spoke with palliative care today. He has spinal abcesses but is too medically fragile for surgery; these are likely causing paralysis. He has pneumonia as well as infection in his sternum, 3 large strokes and more are probably forming, kidney failure and I imagine other organs are failing too.

She is strong and has the support of their three daughters (one each from previous marriages and one they adopted together.)

They've been married for about 22 years. My sister's first husband cheated on her and left her with a five year old child for an OW (and he's a sociopath but that's another story.). Her second husband's first wife had cheated on him. They didn't have a perfect marriage but he has been a generally good man and a good father, and faithful to my sister even during his occasional bouts with alcohol.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865086
09/12/19 03:16 AM
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I'm so sorry. I pray for a quick, painless, peaceful, natural end so your sister won't have to give the order to pull the plug. {{{{{{{kml}}}}}}}


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: bttrfly] #2865102
09/12/19 11:56 AM
09/12/19 11:56 AM
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I am so very sorry. I pray that God will take him quickly so that he does not suffer and your sister doesn't have to make the decision to take him off of life support. Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865103
09/12/19 12:01 PM
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So so sorry. I know these are the hardest decisions to make. I also pray for a peaceful passing with no pain.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865257
09/13/19 06:06 PM
09/13/19 06:06 PM
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Long discussion yesterday with my sister about her husband. She was really anticipating that this staff meeting today would be largely about when and how to take him off life support. Then last night he opened his eyes, squeezed my sister's hand on command, and when his daughter asked him "Am I (other daughter's name)?" he shook his head no!

Wow. He's by no means out of the woods and in fact has a very high risk of throwing another clot/stroke because of vegetations on his heart valve but this implies that if he does survive and nothing else catastrophic happens, he won't be paralyzed or in a completely vegetative state.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865299
09/14/19 02:31 AM
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thats amazing and wonderful news!!!!! praying now for recovery!!!


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865304
09/14/19 07:14 AM
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No, that's really not on the table. Despite that moment, the staff meeting today really brought home how impossible things are. The surgeries he would need ( heart valve replacement, spinal abcesses surgery) would kill him or cause worsening strokes. He's unresponsive again today. The problem is, there's nothing to do now but antibiotics but antibiotics alone can't fix the problems he has. His breathing is starting to be irregular and I suspect it won't be more than a few days. frown

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865307
09/14/19 10:23 AM
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im so sorry frown


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865312
09/14/19 02:19 PM
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Sorry to hear this kml. It's not easy to deal with even though I know from prior conversations that this isn't too much of a surprise. Your family is in my thoughts.

One thing I always say and firmly believe is that as long as you hold those you care about in your thoughts and heart, that they are never truly gone. <3


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865354
Yesterday at 06:39 AM
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The plan was to remove support measures tonight, I haven't heard yet but I pray his passing was peaceful.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865365
Yesterday at 01:37 PM
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kml,

Thinking of you and your family. I pray that he passed quickly and peacefully.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865368
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Prayers for all of you!


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865376
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Apparently he's more comfortable without the breathing tube but hasn't passed yet. I can't imagine the stress.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865382
Yesterday at 06:40 PM
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I know that I find the most inappropriate things funny - but it does sound like a scene out of The Holy Grail - hope you're amused and not offended.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: AndrewP] #2865388
Yesterday at 07:43 PM
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kml,

Yes, I can imagine the stress. The doctor told my family that if we opted to shut down all machines and take the breathing tube out, my father would pass within minutes. That didn't happen. He gasped for air for over an hour and it was horrible to watch this take place. My father fought like h@ll to live, but eventually his lung function couldn't be maintained and he finally passed.

I don't envy anyone that has to make the decision to end life support for a loved one. In some cases, it's not an easy thing to watch.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865390
Yesterday at 07:58 PM
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Luckily he seems peaceful and comfortable I'm told.

And yes, Andrew, I know the scene you mentioned wink

I was certainly hoping for a quicker and less ambivalent ending. I'm praying he doesn't end up in a chronic vegetative state ( unlikely, as he has spinal abcesses all the way down his spine as well as multiple strokes and likely to have more.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865392
Yesterday at 08:11 PM
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This all has me thinking a bit about loneliness, and whether introverts or extroverts cope better with such losses as divorce or death of a spouse.

My sister is very extroverted and has a large circle of friends. On the one hand, I imagine those friendships will sustain her. On the other hand, the loneliness of losing a spouse must be doubly hard for an extrovert. For me, as an introvert (although a pretty outgoing one) time alone is comfortable and a time to recharge. For an extrovert like her, the alone time is excruciating. Thank goodness she has one daughter still living at home and another one who plans to move back in.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865393
Yesterday at 08:38 PM
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This all has me thinking a bit about loneliness, and whether introverts or extroverts cope better with such losses as divorce or death of a spouse.

My sister is very extroverted and has a large circle of friends. On the one hand, I imagine those friendships will sustain her. On the other hand, the loneliness of losing a spouse must be doubly hard for an extrovert. For me, as an introvert (although a pretty outgoing one) time alone is comfortable and a time to recharge. For an extrovert like her, the alone time is excruciating. Thank goodness she has one daughter still living at home and another one who plans to move back in.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865394
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Oops double post

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865399
Yesterday at 11:16 PM
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Well, he just passed. My brother said it was very peaceful and calm, thank heaven. Unbelievable to think it was just 14 days ago that he started to feel sick. Boy, life can turn on a dime.

Don't waste too much time on the exes. Life is meant to be LIVED.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865401
Yesterday at 11:37 PM
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Originally Posted by kml

Don't waste too much time on the exes. Life is meant to be LIVED.



I'm so sorry KML. That was incredibly quick.

Your last quote is so very true.


Sun is shinin' in the sky
There ain't a cloud in sight
It's stopped rainin' everybody's in a play
And don't you know
It's a beautiful new day, hey hey
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865415
16 hours ago
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I'm so sorry Ellie. We just never know how much time we have. It's important not to waste what we're given and to be grateful. Said more for me than you.

Regarding extrovert vs introvert. I dunno ... I think introverts have a harder time letting people in so when the person they trust most in the world dies or leaves, it's pretty devastating.

That's just my thought though.

Hugs to you and yours xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865428
14 hours ago
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Thinking of you KML. Thank you for reminding us how precious life is. He (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865436
12 hours ago
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Ginger1 Online
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I’m so sorry for you and your families loss.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865456
5 hours ago
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kml,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865479
2 hours ago
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I’m so sorry for your loss.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Gray Divorce Fallout [Re: kml] #2865482
2 hours ago
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So sorry for you and your family.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
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