Originally Posted by DnJ
Good Morning Ben

It looks like you reach your limit, and reacted, made a decision. If you are done, thatís fine. But...

Originally Posted by BenB
This would be so much better for everyone if things somehow worked out. But I don't see how that would be possible. I don't see her suddenly being willing to do anything to work on our MR.

Ben, figure out what you want. That doesnít read like someone being done. Sorry man, emotional cycling is painful.

So where you are right now. You gave her signed papers. The ball is in her court. She put the papers back in your drawer. There are a few avenues for you to take - all need to start with focus on you.

If youíre done, file unsigned and go dark. The 6 months waiting period is probably a good thing.

If unsure. Let her do the heavy lifting, she can sign and file. Until then you live as a roommate, and really get to that place. She can decide just what she wants to do. This is basically what is recommended. I really donít advocate divorce unless abuse or some such is happening. This requires you to see that limit you reached is self imposed. You have much more within you Ben. You are stronger than you realize.

Or you can even talk about why she put the papers back. She will try to pull you back into the dance. Donít get pulled in. From here you can decide further.

To me it looks like you want to give the final last Hail Mary attempt and put all the cards on the table.

From what you said - would be so much better if things just somehow worked out. There is no crystal ball, I cannot see the future, it is unknown, and full of possibilities and hope. Focusing on you, digging deep (really deep), GAL, letting go, detaching, becoming indifferent, losing fear - all that is for you! And your best chance at things somehow working out.

My friend, there is no right or wrong in this messy and mixed up situation. Each choice has its own benefits and consequences, we LBS need to find the ones that we can live, and find peace with. That takes time.

I am here for you and support you.


Thank you so much for your post DnJ. I will answer you in the thread since this has reached the 100 post limit. Please follow my new thread here:


Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019