Can I Save my Marriage Alone? pt 2

[CanBird]

Not much is new. Did I mention my pool went green while away? Had to get it drained. It's finally swimable. D3 is healing from a weekend of mini accidents. Typically kid boo boos. Looks worse than it is. We had a fun weekend regardless.

A friend is coming next week, stay until end of month. We've got a girls night out happening. Complete with D3 spending the night with an auntie/good friend. Live music outdoors, dancing under the stars. Can't wait. Haven't had an adult night since March!

I think somethings going on with H & work. Last pay stub was significantly lower than normal, only $ for 48hrs? So either they made an error and it's back pay, or he's done there. His pay gets deposited automatically before we see any mail here. None of my business right? I open his mail if it's business/work related, he knows this & knows I do the banking. No weird activity there. We'll see what happens.

Wherever he is, I know he's looked at a certain App we're both on. He hasn't look for months, but did this afternoon. What is he up to? Healing I hope.

As for me, holding it together. No word on work. At least I put myself out there and did something I was scared to do.

[CanBird]

Wondering where H is. Not sure if he's at sea/work anymore. He's been at sea/work since April. Pay stubs get sent to the house, and pay is deposited automatically, so I can gather a lot of information from those. The last pay stub was significantly lower that usually and was only for 2 days pay. It could be for back pay. That's what I think. The season usually ends the end of October or mid November.

During July, H ordered a bunch of things online, and I was notified of each item. (I had no control over getting notified, other than ignoring the messages). A few of the last items were odd. I'd rather not go into detail. I think he figured out I knew what he was ordering and disabled the notifications as I haven't had any in awhile. It's whatever it is. His stuff.

So what now? Has he run away? Has he started his journey or is he still at sea/work? It's eating me up. I keep checking to see if there's any activity with the bank. I'm also wondering if there will be anything from work? YES I'm totally playing detective. I'm not denying it. How can I prepare for seeing him again if I don't know when it'll happen?

How do you prepare to come face to face with your spouses MLC after not seeing or speaking to each other for months? My guess is to remain calm of course, and act like a friend? Treat him like a friend that's having problems and listen? That's my game plan.

Time to get off line & GAL!

I'll update at a later date.

Be well everyone.

[peacetoday]

CB

I dont know how to answer this
Maybe Job will know

I Totally get your concern...MY XH also vanished without a trace but that was after the D-
after we had dealt with the house, the business ect..

The paycheck not getting deposited?? Is this your money to pay bills ect?


I dont remember your full story
have you seem a Lawyer just to learn your rights..if you have not I would..
If that money is needed for your survival, I would consider more investigating

[CanBird]

CB

I dont know how to answer this
Maybe Job will know

I Totally get your concern...MY XH also vanished without a trace but that was after the D-
after we had dealt with the house, the business ect..

The paycheck not getting deposited?? Is this your money to pay bills ect?


I dont remember your full story
have you seem a Lawyer just to learn your rights..if you have not I would..
If that money is needed for your survival, I would consider more investigating

I looked back at the deposit history, which is automatic from employer. It might just be a normal delay. We'll see next week. If mail regarding unemployment comes, then I know his season is over. That also comes automatically.

I'm not worried about money, I'm okay there. Haven't talked to any professionals of any kind. Although I feel IC is in my future since I've chosen not to talk to anyone but this board & H.

[CanBird]

Dear Universe. You must have seen that my pool troubles were cleared & decided to through another curve ball my way. Perhaps a distraction from the mlc distratction? That's how things go for me. Especially during the months H is away at sea. "Something" hits the fan big time when he's gone. But we have our health and that I'm thankful for.

The something that happened was water dripping from the ceiling in D3s room. Yesterday I noticed marks under her light switch, as if water was dripping down the wall. It wasn't wet, so I brushed it off as being tired, my eyes not seeing right. This afternoon while cleaning & playing in her room, I noticed the ceiling had a small bubble. Again, I wasn't sure if I was imaging this or not. Then I was certain something was up. Almost an hour went by, it kinda looked bigger. I left the room, not sure how long, but not long. HOLY COW!!!! The bubble was quadruple in size and dripping. PANIC!!!! Keep in mind D3 is with me this whole time. I turned the power off to her room, including the A/C, pushed her stuff out of the way (so much for a clean room), grabbed whatever I could use to catch water. I called my handy neighbor who was there to help in seconds. With a tarp, towels & buckets in place, he poked a hole in the bubble. Air and a few drips. We then vacuumed outside where residual A/C water drips out. It must be blocked. The vacuuming helped, a lot off water poured outside. None inside.

Tomorrow neighbor will return to troubleshoot in our attic. D3 is sleeping with me. Her room has a fan blowing on the ceiling. It doesn't look good, the 1980's popcorn ceiling is dangling like a broken balloon close to her door way. At least nothings in the way, we're fine. At the end of the day, we'll be okay.

So, do I tell H? It's a major thing! I guess I'll wait and see what my neighbor says tomorrow, before deciding anything further.

I spoke to my FIL on the phone about the issue; neither of us mentioned H. My FIL was familiar with the issue, spoke of it just as my neighbor did. I know nothing about the A/C except I miss it when it's not on..lol...

Wish me luck!

Ps- Nothing from H.

[job]

I am sorry to read that you are experiencing a drainage issue w/your AC. Sounds like the little drain pipe might be clogged. There should be a little brush on a very small hose near your AC. Have your neighbor look for it and then gently push that brush into the drain a couple of times to dislodge the gunk that builds up. My AC guys use Simple Green each year when they come out to service the AC before the season starts. Just pour a little bit down the drain each year and it should take care of the issue.

You will need to locate a painter to come out and fix the ceiling damage and repaint, but allow that ceiling to dry. Have your neighbor check the insulation upstairs because it will also need to dry out or there is the possibility of getting mold. You might want to check to see if your homeowner's policy will cover this issue. Be sure to take photos of the ceiling so that they can see the damage. You will have to check to see how much your deductible is as to whether or not they will cover this damage.

I would not contact your h about this until you've gotten estimates and know what it will cost to repair the damage.

[CanBird]

Thanks Job. Good advice.

It's just past 3am now. Part of the ceiling just fell. I knew it might happen. I took photos (after my last post) before bed, and it looked like it might give. Good thing the tarp and tubs were in place to catch the debris. D3 is sound asleep. Wish I could say the same.

I'll update later. Did I mention a friend is coming to stay with us for 2 weeks? She arrives this weekend. Looking forward to that distraction.

[peacetoday]

sorry for your ceiling issues

It teaches us we can handle all things raising our kids on our own
you are doing great taking care of your home and your daughter

[CanBird]

Ceiling drywall is in place & A/C is on! I learned a lot about my A/C unit today! D3 got a lot of screen time today while I helped with things. (Only in emergencies or air travel it comes out). We got really lucky. A few more things, plaster & paint & ta da! Love my neighbors.

[CanBird]

Still no answers. We're fine, covered. Just wondering.

Wondering where H is. Not sure if he's at sea/work anymore. He's been at sea/work since April. Pay stubs get sent to the house, and pay is deposited automatically, so I can gather a lot of information from those. The last pay stub was significantly lower that usually and was only for 2 days pay! It could be for back pay. That's what I think. The season usually finishes the end of October or mid November.

Other questions: During July, H ordered a bunch of things online, and I was notified of each item. (I had no control over getting notified, other than ignoring the messages). A few of the last items were odd. I'd rather not go into detail. I think he figured out I knew what he was ordering and disabled the notifications as I haven't had any in awhile. It's whatever it is. His stuff.

So what now? Has he run away? Has he started his journey or is he still at sea/work? It's eating me up. I keep checking to see if there's any activity with the bank. I'm also wondering if there will be anything from work? YES I'm totally playing detective. I'm not denying it. How can I prepare for seeing him again if I don't know when it'll happen?

How do you prepare to come face to face with your spouses MLC after not seeing or speaking to each other for months? My guess is to remain calm of course, and act like a friend? Treat him like a friend that's having problems and listen? That's my game plan.

Time to get off line & GAL!

I'll update at a later date.

Be well everyone.