H Bday is coming up. (D3 & I will be with his family). Sent a card from D3 already. Is it too much to have D3 do a video message?
He hasn't asked about her once. But it would be weird not to send wishes to him. As much as I'm disappointed in his behavior, towards her, the lack of interest makes me want to do nothing. But t I think if my partner is struggling, definitely some depression, a message might give a little light to the darkness. That's what my gut thinks.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
The card is sufficient for the moment. I think sending the video may make him feel even more guilty for walking away. For now, I would hold off on doing the video. There may come a time when you can do this, but for now....I still think the card is sufficient.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
No one knows about H MLC (as far as I know). I'm acting "as if". He's been away at sea/work, so being away for half the year is our normal.
H created an private social media account a while ago, for D3. All family and close friends. He was in charge of it and I'd take over when he was away at sea/work. Then we'd both contribute when he returned.
So, I've been living the "as if" life, and have continued to post up updates as I normally would, "as if" nothing is different. (I don't know if H sees anything). I post her silliness for family and friends, it's never a message for H. It's random kid stuff. Thoughts? Continue "as if" or quit cold turkey and the family and friends miss out on her growing up.
Like I said, as far as I know, no one knows about H MLC.
I'm thinking don't stop. It'd be weird to stop for no reason. Even if people knew I wouldn't stop. It's harmless, right?
*no direct messages are made to H via this platform. It's random kid stuff*
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
If the platform is available to family and friends as well as your h, then I see no harm in it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
D3 & I will be flying to see H family, for a week. H parents are both remarried and everyone is friendly & civil to each other. We'll spend time with the in-laws that live there & then spend a few days at a hotel, sharing a room with the other in-laws that are visiting. I'm lucky to have all of them; they are great.
Do I tell H about our visit? (I don't feel the need too). I wonder if he knows?
A married male friend of H, (my friend too, like a brother) is watering our garden while gone D3 & I are away. The friend asked if I've heard from H. (no one knows the sitch). Friend knows H is away at sea/work. Friend actually worked at sea, so knows what H schedule is like. Any way, friend asked If I've heard H, and I said no. Friend has reached out several times to H while he's been at sea/work, and no reply. Friend gave me a look as if to say, "what's up?" I just said, "we'll you know how it is, he get busy". Do people in MLC push everyone away?
With this family visit, how do I handle questions about H, like our friend asked? I'm very emotional/hormonal right now. (thanks mother nature!) I'm not a good lier either. Thought?
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
I couldn't sleep. Maybe it was the large energy drink I consumed earlier? I decided to watch a few DB videos on MLC & saving marriages. Thank you Michele W-D., for reminding me how to "Act As If". I needed to hear what it means.
I'm standing. Sometimes I fall. I get back up.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Yes, MLCers do distance themselves from their former friends and family and pick up new friends. Why? Because they know that the friends of old know them so well and w/the new friends they can be someone else, i.e., no history to be reminded of. Generally, the detachment starts w/the immediate family, pets and home, then friends and other family members. As they leave the crisis, the reconnection will be just the opposite and you will be the last one he reconnects with.
As for visiting his family, I would drop him a very short note and say "Just wanted to let you know that D3 and I will be visiting your family the week of.____". That is all you need to tell him. He may very well know already that you are going to visit his family...but it's nice to just drop him the note in case something happens along the way that requires the attention of either of you.
When asked about your h, be honest and say that you haven't heard from him and that when he's away at sea he gets busy. You do not need to tell his family anything at this time because what is going on between the two of you needs to stay w/the two of you. You do not want to put them in the middle and generally when that happens, as blood is thicker than water, in-laws tend to take the side of their child. You want this visit to be a nice one for your child.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
9 years ago my H proposed to me. A picnic on a bluff, over looking the water. He designed the ring himself. After I excepted, my mother just happened to call. She had no idea. It was a magical moment. This was pre-camera-phone. I just happened to have my camera with me, I normally wouldn't. It was a moment I will always cherish. FB reminded me. Otherwise I'd of not remembered.
I'm still wearing my rings.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
