It is hard to believe that I am already on my third thread. Thank you all for your help so far. You guys are helping me so much become AMOAFWL. Thank you.
Based on this then I retract my previous post for now. Stop all pressure and pursuit for now. Let some time go by.
D the thing is that my W said that stuff too. I have a screen shot of her online dating profile (complete with a picture!) where she talks about how she is still married but she is done with the marriage. That she can't start dating yet but wanted to see what was out there, that she will be dating in the future once the D was done. In the meantime she was enjoying my company, watching TV with me, etc. 6 weeks after she created that profile, she was back committed to the MR. It can happen, but she has to come to that realization herself. There is nothing you can do to fix it.
Steve, why do you think your wife recommitted to the MR so quickly? Is there any information there that we can glean from this?
Destroyd, no I do not think there is. Mine were a very unique set of circumstances. I've documented them many times in my own threads, and in others' threads too. The big ones were: 1) I instigated BD, not her. So I think it was caught before the point of her really being done, even though she kept insisting she was. 2) I caught her EA fairly early on. I think part of her saying "I am done" was to deflect from her EA 3) She had a difficult time throughout reconciling her faith, which she wasn't at the point of giving up, with what she was doing, both the EA and the D 4) She doesn't have a lot of close family. Her divorced parents live in FL and GA. She has no siblings. Most of her aunts, uncles and cousins are not close by and she isn't close to them anyway. Her closest friends are all members of the church. 5) We had another sitch in 2005 where I learned about DBing. So 2 days after BD this time, I remember DBing and started to employ DB tactics.
Couple all that with the fact that she is a SAHM, had been out of the work force for 14 years, and really enjoyed NOT working, and I am not sure how committed she ever was to really going out, getting a job, getting an apartment, and Ding. She was having WW yearnings (we had a sex-starved marriage for years), and thought she wanted to be free to be sexual with OM enough to give up how well she has it. In the end, I don't think she did.
If there are ANY learnings it is that it is imperative to start DBing ASAP after BD. If she ever BD'd me again, my answer would be. "Ok, how quickly can you be out?"
Last edited by Steve85; 07/11/1904:14 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
This emotional rollercoaster is exhausting. Each day I feel like I am getting stronger. I know that I can live without my W. However, each day I also have set backs where I mourn the loss of her love. Two steps forward, one step back. Somedays two steps back, one step forward. I will get through this. I will be an even better man than I am today.
Destroyed that's exactly how it goes. Two steps forward, one step back. Do yourself a favor and prepare, copy all records, and meet with a divorce atty. For consultation. Even if it hurts and pains you to do it. Get prepared and then deal with the emotional side of things day by day as they come. You will have moments of weakness but then you will eventually get stronger
IW, thankfully I am 99% calm in front of my wife. The only time I get emotional is during some R talks. But those R talks are very rare.
I think it's ok to get emotional during those. In fact you would have to be emotionally dead inside if you didn't.
But it's important to maintain your dignity as much as you can, and take a moment if you feel yourself losing control. Neediness is not attractive to a WAS or someone in MLC. They cant support you right now, and that just compounds the issues for them.
It helps me to think of WAS as someone - a good friend maybe - who is fighting a terrible illness, and the only way to help them is to validate, eliminate all pressure, and let them work out their own issues.
That is a great way to view the WAS. I really feel that my wife is unhappy with life/overwhelmed with life. I truly believe that she is experiencing a crisis where she is lost. She will need to find herself, and I hope that she realizes that I love her and that she wants my love.
That is a great way to view the WAS. I really feel that my wife is unhappy with life/overwhelmed with life. I truly believe that she is experiencing a crisis where she is lost. She will need to find herself, and I hope that she realizes that I love her and that she wants my love.
D, your last sentence sounds more selfish than loving How about "I just hope she finds true happiness, no matter what that means for us as a couple."? See the difference?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve, I am not sure I can be that magnanimous. If she doesn’t fight for our family, I am not at the place where I can desire her happiness I'd that means no family. Maybe I will get there someday, but I am not there today.
