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I’m so sorry. You handled that very well. And you are right, this is her issue, not yours, nothing you can change about how you were in the relationship.

I would caution you one thing I’ve realized is so so so important. If you decide to date again, WAIT on the kid meetings. Kids get attached and while you are dating, they can’t see women come in and out. Date. But keep it at dating for a while.

Again, I’m sorry. She’s got her issues she needs to fix. I’m sure she has a lot of love for you, but she’s just lost.

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Sorry B, there was 1 girl that I dated who said similar things to me. It seemed she had our entire future planned out in just 3 dates. Then 4 days later dumped me. You just never know and I chalked it up to a lesson learned. Hang in there...sorry this happened. There will be others.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Honey you were with her for three months. You were infatuated with her. Love is a deeper thing that takes time and knowing. You can't really "love" someone you barely know - at that point you're just in love with the fantasy of who they could be.

That's okay, it's normal, we humans are super susceptible to those infatuation hormones because they feel so good and you had a big hole in your life to fill. But those infatuation hormones also cause us to make mistakes and blow past giant waving red flags. In my youth, they led me to ignore the signs and marry a man who turned out to be a narcissist and a serial adulterer.

Having those feelings about someone is a start but it's not ENOUGH; you can have those feelings about someone who is all wrong for you. In fact, some people only have feelings for people who repeat bad patterns from their past, like the child of an abusive parent who is drawn to abusive partners.

As adults, our job is to look beyond the feelings and assess whether the person is right for us. And give things enough time for the infatuation feelings to cool down enough to see if the person you get to know is really the right person for you.

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I'm still sorry this happened though, rejection hurts, even when it's clear it's not about you.

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kml...I know that you are absolutely correct. I was more correctly in love with the potential/fantasy that I saw in her/us.

thing is i was cognizant enough to realize we both took off way too fast AND i was over the last month more aware of and completely willing for she and I to adjust, slow down, live in the present and see if we could develop what we were feeling for each other. but it was not to be. she is not in a place where she needs/wants to be and the reasons predate me. i find myself reflecting back on my frustration about how this makes zero sense and is amazingly baffingly, but then i catch myself and realize that it only has to make sense to her and apparently it does. with the love of my D4 and my family and my belief that God has carried me through my 2nd divorce, i steady myself, let her go and keep going forward for the time when hopefully i'll one day find a great lady who will want to stay and never leave. I am hurt, heartbroken, BUT I'm not afraid and that's all I got.

-B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
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meh i'm struggling. didn't sleep last night. never had that happen even when going through BD with my exW. with no distractions and my mind free to roam it just went introspective on me and kept me up. instead of forcing it, i just stayed up, went to the gym this morning to get some exercise and get me back into a rhythm and need for sleep.

the whole analytic mind run amok. i know better than to contact her, but the whole "how could she?" "maybe it was my fault, but it can't be my fault?", "how can she be in love with me and then bail?", "maybe what she said was just a lie and she found somone else?"...all COMPLETELY cheeseless tunnels I know.

bottom line she wanted to leave and therefore I had to let her go, now go on with my life and put the past to rest. I know the path, just got to cut myself some slack, take some grace and keep putting one foot in front of the other. she helped me decorate my new place, her imprint/our history is all over it. the new sectional we bought together and were excited to get, football sundays on it. the new bed where we expected to pillow talk and for her to stay over, she stayed one night and I can still see her body laying there. just stuff to get through, no other way to put it. just heartbroken, but pushing on.

-B


Me:34 W:40
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BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
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Sorry man! Hang in there.

This to shall pass.

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Did you read up on Love Bombing yet?

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B,

It sounds like you two became too invested too fast. Maybe love bombed each other. You just went cold turkey and your body is craving that oxytocin rush. Learn and move forward. As for the question you keep asking yourself, one main thing I learned from D was that your partner never loves you the way you think they love you.


H(37) W(35)
D8, D5, S3
T20, M13
BD 8/31/18
EA Discovered 9/13/18
Mediation 10/3/18
W files for D 10/12/18
W moves out 11/10/18
EA confirmed 12/25/18
D Final 1/10/19
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so i have looked at the love bombing concept, but that definition of being excessive of gifts, affection, etc, I do not feel that was us. ironically what I think DID quickly connect us was that surprisingly both of us are currently in counseling and have been for some time. that sense of connectedness in that each of us was doing work on ourselves AND could related to one another in that "language" was a major hook for both of us. and up front we both acknowledged right away a strong mutual physical attraction to one another. she loved that I was very open with my feelings, could communicate them to her clearly and they matched her desires/beliefs. for me unlike my ex, she was very expressive of her feelings, she was very happy in being a mother, she was educated, i did not feel as though i had to downgrade myself to connect with her. heck favorite numbers matching, travel destinations, etc. bottom line we connected quickly on multiple levels and for sure that contributed our speed, but love bombing i don't believe applies to us. i will say that by virtue of our respective custodies, meeting was not nearly as quick or as often as we desired and so via text/email we did a ton of sharing with one another and from the excitement of those conversations came about hopes, dreams and the predetermined belief that we would have a wonderful future together. i could say that I was the one who went too fast, but for sure from the saved chats i have between us she matched my enthusiasm all the time.

I take comfort in the fact that God knows I had thoughts of love and the most wonderful intentions and feelings towards her. I accept that she wanted to be free and I've removed myself from her life as she desired. And I am enduring. If I fell in love with her and she wanted to go and that's the end of our story well there's nothing bad in that. I am totally disappointed that we never had the chance to really find out our potential, but as i find and learn repeatedly life is not fair.


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
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