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A Message from Michele
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My Future Awaits #2855640
07/03/19 10:23 AM
07/03/19 10:23 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
B
ballast Offline OP
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ballast  Offline OP
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B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
Hi all...

Long time poster on the "For Newcomers" forum, but with my divorce completing this week, I've decided to move over and start a new thread here. Background story is a twice divorced father of a D4 who just recently purchased a new house. I've been dating a new lady since late March, divorced with two children. Look forward to following stories from new friends and friends I'm joining now who preceded me from Newcomers forum.

-B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2855657
07/03/19 01:44 PM
07/03/19 01:44 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,517
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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job  Offline

Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,517
Southern Maryland
Here's the link to ballast's last thread on Newcomers:

Coda....I mean it this time



Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2856129
07/08/19 09:48 AM
07/08/19 09:48 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
B
ballast Offline OP
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ballast  Offline OP
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B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
So I'm curious if anyone can explain this to me. About 3 weeks ago, my new lady "changed". No more good mornings/good nights or sweetheart/baby/babe/honey references. She attributed this to her work going crazy, which it did, but then also as she was questioning her work decisions, she said she was questioning what she wanted for herself and in regards to our relationship. Thing is she has continually reached out to see me, engaged me with her children, holds my hand and kisses me when we're together, BUT she's just not who she was the first 2 1/2 months. 4th of July she asked me to come see the fireworks with her and her kids. We had a great time, held hands, kissed, etc, but still just not how we had been. She will initiate texting me, I will reply, not right away but in a normal time. Then when in the past where we'd have a conversation, the text convo just goes dead.

This past Friday she left to go out of the country. I wondered if she would text me before she left and she did. There was a bit of back and forth. She said "I will probably be more communicative with you than I've been in the past three weeks because of work" and gives me a thumbs up emoji. She's taxi'ing so I tell her "I love you" she says "love you" and that ends our chat. Over the weekend again she has texted me each day, sending me pictures of her and where she is, I reply to her about her trip, the pics she's showing me, but then again sudden silence. There's no feelings for me in her text. I'll get a picture, the text convo stops and then I'll see her Instagram with lots more pictures. Last night, she sent me something sexual by text (which she hadn't done in a long time) I reply with a similiar sexual response and then again...nothing. And then a bit later her Instagram is updated with all of her pictures that I've not seen.

Throughout this whole deal I've not once been needy, no texting/calling to say "are we alright?, where are you? blah, blah, blah". I'm just replying non-emotionally, but positively to her texts, but she's just not who she was and this whole she texts, I text, done is just so different from how we've been to now. In looking back at our emails from when we got together I found the following: "I will challenge you to slow down sometimes". Now she never came out and said "ok, B this is the challenge time" and honestly beyond our talking in the honeymoon period I've not been moving fast. I'm stumped, full stop. Is she testing me? She texts me and when we are together we hold hands, kiss, but that spark of excitement/being interested sexually just seems blah, but was/is that just due to work? And now here she is on vacation where she said she would be more communicative and to an extent she is, but she's still not her old self. A part of me feels I deserve better and need to end this relationship. If she needs space/time that's fine, go do your thing and if I'm still single after you do we'll see. The other part of me is just lving my life, answering her texts as they come in and bein happy with her and her children when we go out, but this is extremely frustrating.

Anyway...this is as much a journal as anything. Any of you who may have any comments/insight into what in the world I'm dealing with I'd love to hear from you.

-B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2856133
07/08/19 11:29 AM
07/08/19 11:29 AM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,889
L
LH19 Online
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LH19  Online
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L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,889
B,

I am going to suggest to you that even though you are not texting needy statements you are being needy by wanting more interaction.

Are you guys intimate?

I think you are doing everything right as far as backing off so if the current situation is not enough for you then may want to considering ending it.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2856136
07/08/19 11:49 AM
07/08/19 11:49 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
B
ballast Offline OP
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ballast  Offline OP
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B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
LH,

Yep, agreed. Even though I don't text needy, my feelings for wanting more are needy. Thing is for 2 1/2 months we were 100 mph and now with no real explanation we're around 35 mph. She's not hot, not cold, but warm.

We haven't been intimate since a big event at her work sent her into workaholic mode. As I say though "intimate" she does kiss me out in public on her own, she reaches for my hand when we are in public and she snuggles into me on sofas and wants my arm around her so...Intimate also for the past 3 weeks would have been very difficult from a schedule perspective as I've had my D4 and her kids are with her mostly and between work and their summer programs...alone time for us right now is a very challenging thing to achieve.

I'm just doing what I know I need to do. I am backed off, answer her texts in time, short and positively. When I go out with her and the kids are along, I just keep it light, happy and we have a great time. Few days ago she measured the kids in the door of their house...and she measured me too and put my name up. Something small I know, but ladies don't do stuff like that with men they are considering breaking up with. And yet...we're not fully like we were, instead plodding along at 35 mph for a reason that she hasn't adequately been able to explain. I've heard some friends say "she may have very deep feelings for you, but is scared as the relationship was not on her time and how she had planned to work on herself, but now with you she's worried she won't stick to her original plan".

This is NOT hurting me and heck I"m not looking to speed it up to some crazy pace. LIMBO. simple as that. Just going to have to keep rolling with it, live my life and see what happens.


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2856142
07/08/19 12:29 PM
07/08/19 12:29 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,557
T
TBSakaJ9 Offline
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TBSakaJ9  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,557
IMO she is either scared, maybe confused or there is someone else in the background. Like L said you have to decide if this is enough for you and if your willing to play the game.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2856190
07/08/19 04:04 PM
07/08/19 04:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
B
ballast Offline OP
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ballast  Offline OP
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B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
TB...yes of what she has told me I know scared/confused to be the more likely for why she has pulled back. I don't discount the someone else is possible, although it just does not line up with her actions or her availability given her work schedule.

On a separate note, just got notified that my D was signed and official as of 2 July. The long ordeal that troubled me for many months, but from which I ultimately got through it is now final and done. Funny...the only thing I feel or think now that it's done is of my D4. May God help me to make sure that the conclusion of the marriage between me and her mother does not negatively impact her life going forward. In the short of it, her life is the only thing that matters to me now.


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2856303
07/09/19 10:10 AM
07/09/19 10:10 AM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,889
L
LH19 Online
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LH19  Online
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L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,889
B,

The key for you will be to open up the lines of communication with you and the ex. As long as you are cordial with one another and can discuss important topics that come up your D will be fine.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2856309
07/09/19 11:05 AM
07/09/19 11:05 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
B
ballast Offline OP
Member
ballast  Offline OP
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B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
Thanks LH!

Me and the ex at least are good enough via email/text to discuss any topics that come up. Seeing each other face to face...she is FAR from ready for that and it's not like I'm doing anything to make it difficult for her. Time will tell if/when she feels up for that.

D4 slipped yesterday and said "Mommy's friend *****". No big surprise on that really as it was bound to happen. Just another part of the post-D realtiy that I need to be prepared for.


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2857093
07/15/19 05:00 PM
07/15/19 05:00 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
B
ballast Offline OP
Member
ballast  Offline OP
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 766
well GF just sent me the dreaded email "Wondering if I could come over and we can talk?"

crazy how i was split 18 months with my ex-W who NEVER wanted to talk and now the girl I fell in love with and who fell hard for me wants to come over and talk.

From having already lost the ex-W and being just divorced, I'll just take what comes (which I don't imagine could be anything but she wants to split) and move on.

Any comments/helpful words I'd love to hear. Honestly would be fine with her just dumping me by email and getting it over with.


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19
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