WW are master manipulators using words to get what they so desperately want. That’s why we always preach on here actions.
You are operating under the “illusion of action” where you feel you need to do something to wake her up (kicking her out/filing for divorce) to see what she’ll be missing and giving up. Unfortunately, time and space are the only thing that does that and lasts. Right now she’s on the affair high and likely not coming down anytime soon.
Respect yourself and take some time to think about what you want to do moving forward.
Oops. The ball is in your court, even though I know you are hurting immensely, and you feel betrayed. They have fallen from grace. They have acted on their feelings, and reneged on their commitments. What everyone says here is right on the money. You have to let them fall even further until they are ready and decide to return they may not ever return. Their actions will show it not their words. Her encouraging you to divorce her and that she's not worthy of you sweetheart saying " I'm glad this is out in the open now and I want you to be the bad guy and initiate the divorce, so I can get an apartment and fool around and come out smelling like roses in a social aspect" Sandy has stated this here several times and it finally sunk in with me that they have to fall so far from Grace, to ever have any kind of remorse if they ever do. So let them fall all the way to the point where they're begging for you to take them back and their actions will show it and be consistent with their words. I'm starting to think that WW/WAW. It doesn't really matter which one. I know one mindset has more of a rebellious nature than the other, but either way it's a mindset of rebellion, and a quest towards self-importance self freedom and self Independence. Away from God, and what God has united as one union. They will use any justification to make it all about them. (Something else I finally recently realized. you know how most of us here have gotten the BD list of all the things wrong with us for why they're leaving? Some things are legitimate other things arent. If you own up to all of it the whole list, it validates their experience, like saying aha so you admit to it after all!! And it justifies and cement their position even further) " it's your fault that I had an affair it's your fault that I caught feelings for another person" etc etc. "it's all your fault in my life is not happy and I'm leaving." " but before I leave I'm going to make you feel so hurt and so guilty that you're going to want to leave me so I can let you down easily, and not have to do any of the leg work."
I've heard some crazy, and seen some crazy from my own WAW. "God wants me to be happy." " God wants me to explore and have new experiences in life" " God wants me to find my purpose in my self-esteem and self-importance" "God wants me to find a real man in a new relationship, but I don't want one right now because I need to find myself" Things to that effect.
I am far from perfect, and even a bit sinful, which I am trying to correct. I realized something else. Our WW's are in rebellion against their spouses, against their vows, and against their marriages, all in the name of indeoendence and freedom, which has some, but little to do with us. SO I STOPPED TAKING IT SO PERSONALLY. (I've had my manhood attacked twice already.) It took me a while to realize that God calls us to fulfil his purpose, not the other way around, that God uses us to suffer, to learn, to teach and discipline, and to redeem our souls by and learn his and Jesus's teachings not of our own accord. Worldly happiness and peace is circumstantial. (Which is what they are seeking by worldly means and desires.) It is a lack of forgiveness, patience, and commitment to resolve on their part, and they Ironicly have a principle, values, and identity issue with themselves, because they're feelings are like the wind that blows during a storm. So be the rock.
Let them fall until they hit rock bottom if they ever do? and go dark, let them be. They have to learn there are natural and spiritual consequences for their own actions, just as we do need to learn these things as well. Hope this helps you stand.
I suggest you cancel and tell her you need time to think.
Wise words.
I third that.
EDIT: Unless you are ready to hear a bunch of justifications. "As far as I was concerned we were already divorced." "I gave him chances for years and gave up and decided to move on." "It is all his fault I cheated."
Last edited by Steve85; 06/27/1907:19 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
