CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


A Divorce Busting Telephone Coach
can help you save your marriage singlehandedly!
CALL 303-444-7004
or see Coaching Packages online at the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
Focusing on me (The Mikey B story Part 3) #2853591
06/18/19 08:59 PM
06/18/19 08:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 122
Florida
M
mikeyb Offline OP
Member
mikeyb  Offline OP
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 122
Florida
Time for a new thread already!

Part 1: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2834746&page=1
Part 2: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2841838&page=11

Things are going well for me, away from the W with almost no contact. Taking this time to focus on myself. I'm in the process of building a plan for myself going the span of the next 5 years.

1) Save for my own place, will be renting. Goal is to move out of my friends house and into my own place around august.

2) Get my dental work done, plan for this is to get the work done that is needed surgically here which will probably cost around $2k and then travel to South Carolina to get the remaining work done which will probably cost me around another $2k. This will save me around $4k in the end. The south carolina clinic will be before insurance so I would also get reimbursement from my insurance.

3) Fix my credit over the next 3 years and pay a little extra towards my car to pay it off sooner .

4) During all this save money for a down payment on a house in 5 years.

Last edited by mikeyb; 06/18/19 09:07 PM.

M(31) W(29)
Together 12yrs
Married 2yrs
ILYBNILWY/Divorce BD 11/23/18
EA Discovered 3/20/19

In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19
W Moved out 3/20/19
M Moved out 5/31/19
Re: Focusing on me (The Mikey B story Part 3) [Re: mikeyb] #2853593
06/18/19 09:00 PM
06/18/19 09:00 PM
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 122
Florida
M
mikeyb Offline OP
Member
mikeyb  Offline OP
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 122
Florida
Onto what was occuring in the previous thread with the email to the W. She responded back today with this:

Quote

I don't agree. I am going to move forward with out.


Any idea how I should reply or if I should reply? Thinking something along the lines:

Quote

W,
If this is how you wish to proceed that is fine, I will speak to an attorney this week and all further communication can be through my attorney.

Last edited by mikeyb; 06/18/19 09:07 PM.

M(31) W(29)
Together 12yrs
Married 2yrs
ILYBNILWY/Divorce BD 11/23/18
EA Discovered 3/20/19

In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19
W Moved out 3/20/19
M Moved out 5/31/19
Re: Focusing on me (The Mikey B story Part 3) [Re: mikeyb] #2853598
06/18/19 09:19 PM
06/18/19 09:19 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,476
Colorado
R
Ready2Change Offline
Member
Ready2Change  Offline
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,476
Colorado
This is all about negotiations.

Quote
1) Old cell phone bill of $1,600.84 This was a joint expense that occurred while we were together and I expect 50% payment for this bill of $800.42
2) Return or purchase of the dresser. If you choose to purchase it I value it at $65
3) Return of my personal belongings noted below:
*Overkill Jacket
*Mtn Dew Dewshine Cup

Quote
I don't agree. I am going to move forward with out.



H:"W, I am confused. What do you not agree to?"


"What is best for my kids is best for me"

Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time
Re: Focusing on me (The Mikey B story Part 3) [Re: mikeyb] #2853599
06/18/19 09:26 PM
06/18/19 09:26 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,476
Colorado
R
Ready2Change Offline
Member
Ready2Change  Offline
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,476
Colorado

Wait for her to explain.

Meanwhile,

Let her have the dresser. buy a better one.
Put a $ value to your two personal items. For example $200 each. I assume you really want these.

If she wants to keep the two personal items, than you will be claiming she owes you $1200 (800+200+200). If she returned the Jacket and the Cup, you will not quibble over the remaining $400.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"

Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time
Re: Focusing on me (The Mikey B story Part 3) [Re: Ready2Change] #2853600
06/18/19 09:38 PM
06/18/19 09:38 PM
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 122
Florida
M
mikeyb Offline OP
Member
mikeyb  Offline OP
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 122
Florida
Originally Posted by Ready2Change

Wait for her to explain.

Meanwhile,

Let her have the dresser. buy a better one.
Put a $ value to your two personal items. For example $200 each. I assume you really want these.

If she wants to keep the two personal items, than you will be claiming she owes you $1200 (800+200+200). If she returned the Jacket and the Cup, you will not quibble over the remaining $400.




Yes I do, as they were gifts from family and I do want them back.

So I responded:
Quote

W,

I am confused. What is it that you don't agree with? And what do you mean by move forward without?
Please explain.

Thank you,

H


M(31) W(29)
Together 12yrs
Married 2yrs
ILYBNILWY/Divorce BD 11/23/18
EA Discovered 3/20/19

In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19
W Moved out 3/20/19
M Moved out 5/31/19
Re: Focusing on me (The Mikey B story Part 3) [Re: mikeyb] #2854173
06/23/19 08:41 PM
06/23/19 08:41 PM
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 122
Florida
M
mikeyb Offline OP
Member
mikeyb  Offline OP
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 122
Florida
So I've had no response back from the W. Though the MIL texted me to ask about meeting up and finalizing everything. Yeah, no I won't be walked all over. I've been trying to be reasonable with her through this, I wasn't asking for much just for her to own up to her bills and return what she took. I wasn't going to go after anything else from her. She has funds that is technically marital funds between stock and 401K, and I wasn't going to touch it. But it seems like I need to at this point as there seems to be no reasoning with her, it's time for a very expensive lesson. I've decided that I will be speaking with an attorney this week and going over all my options. I will be the one to file and push for her to pay my fees. At this point there is nothing for me to lose as I don't want her back even if she came to me tonight crying and saying how wrong and sorry she is, the time for that is gone.

Even though I may not be 100% on my own, though I am making great strides to get there, I'm feeling way more confident in myself and better about myself with the progress I have made over the last 8 months. I've been making new friends, and getting out and it feels great.


M(31) W(29)
Together 12yrs
Married 2yrs
ILYBNILWY/Divorce BD 11/23/18
EA Discovered 3/20/19

In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19
W Moved out 3/20/19
M Moved out 5/31/19
Re: Focusing on me (The Mikey B story Part 3) [Re: mikeyb] #2855686
07/03/19 04:08 PM
07/03/19 04:08 PM
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 122
Florida
M
mikeyb Offline OP
Member
mikeyb  Offline OP
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 122
Florida
So I spoke with an attorney today, I could go for part of the marital portion of the 401k, half the stocks (all marital), plus half the cell phone bill, and even try to obtain bridge the gap support for me having to incur moving expenses. In which case my expenses would be about $3500ish to complete and anywhere from 60-180 days ti finalize. Which would leave me gaining appox. $3000 after attorney fees. Now I could also email my W and say I spoke with an attorney, this is what I can and will pursue if you choose to go this route or we can agree to paying half the bill, and half the stock and call it a day to which if she agreed I would gain approx $3500 since I wouldn't need attorney fees.

So my thought was an email like this in an attempt to negotiate:

W,

I spoke with an attorney so I can understand my rights through this. If you choose to pursue this route this is what I was advised I can and will pursue:
1) Half the marital portion of your 401K - my 401K balance (Balance unknown)
2) Half of the stock balance ($5,810 / 2 = $2,905)
3) Half of the cell phone bill ($1600.84 / 2 = $800.42)
4) Bridge the gap support for expenses incurred (Unknown at this time)

I am still willing to work with you on this and this is my new proposal:

1) Half the stock balance ($5,810 / 2 = $2,905)
2) Half of the cell phone bill ($1600.84 / 2 = $800.42)
3) And return of my belongings

Please respond with how you will like to proceed.

H


Thoughts?


M(31) W(29)
Together 12yrs
Married 2yrs
ILYBNILWY/Divorce BD 11/23/18
EA Discovered 3/20/19

In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19
W Moved out 3/20/19
M Moved out 5/31/19
Re: Focusing on me (The Mikey B story Part 3) [Re: mikeyb] #2855694
07/03/19 05:40 PM
07/03/19 05:40 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,476
Colorado
R
Ready2Change Offline
Member
Ready2Change  Offline
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,476
Colorado
Originally Posted by mikeyb

W,

I spoke with an attorney so I can understand my rights through this. If you choose to pursue this route this is what I was advised I can and will pursue:
1) Half the marital portion of your 401K - my 401K balance (Balance unknown)
2) Half of the stock balance ($5,810 / 2 = $2,905)
3) Half of the cell phone bill ($1600.84 / 2 = $800.42)
4) Bridge the gap support for expenses incurred (Unknown at this time)

I am still willing to work with you on this and this is my new proposal:

1) Half the stock balance ($5,810 / 2 = $2,905)
2) Half of the cell phone bill ($1600.84 / 2 = $800.42)
3) And return of my belongings

Please respond with how you will like to proceed.

H

Thoughts?



W, When you do not respond to my emails, I feel as if you do not want to finalize this. If you want this over quickly, I need a response to my proposal. I have been patient, but If I don't hear from you by Monday, I will start pursuing other avenues to help us resolve this.


Best regards,
mikey


"What is best for my kids is best for me"

Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time
Re: Focusing on me (The Mikey B story Part 3) [Re: mikeyb] #2855701
07/03/19 07:07 PM
07/03/19 07:07 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,287
A
AnotherStander Online
Member
AnotherStander  Online
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,287
Mikey, I think it sounds fair and reasonable, but WHO KNOWS how she will reply. I would go ahead and fire it off and see what happens.

And copy/paste that blurb from R2C for use if she doesn't reply in a timely manner, that's a good one!


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Focusing on me (The Mikey B story Part 3) [Re: mikeyb] #2855834
07/05/19 06:39 AM
07/05/19 06:39 AM
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 122
Florida
M
mikeyb Offline OP
Member
mikeyb  Offline OP
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 122
Florida
So I fired off what I wrote before slightly modified:

Quote

W,

I have not heard back from you and I have been patient and reasonable. Because I have not heard back I have now spoken with an attorney to better understand my rights through all of this. If you choose to continue along this route below is what I was advised that I can and will pursue.

1) Half the marital portion of your 401K - my marital 401K balance (Balance unknown)
2) Half of your stock balance that is all marital ($5,810 / 2 = $2,905)
3) Half of the cell phone bill ($1600.84 / 2 = $800.42)
4) Half the remaining balance of Wedding loan in which we have already agreed upon ($938.19 / 2 = $469.09)
5) Bridge the gap support for expenses incurred (Unknown at this time)

I am still willing to work with you and avoid this route, and to do so here is my new proposal:

1) Half of your stock balance that is all marital ($5,810 / 2 = $2,905)
2) Half of the cell phone bill ($1600.84 / 2 = $800.42)
3) Half the remaining balance of Wedding loan in which we have already agreed upon ($938.19 / 2 = $469.09)
4) And return of my belongings

Please respond with how you would like to proceed.

H


and this is the response that I got from her:

Quote

Mom said she was trying to call you to set up a meeting to give you back your stuff and to sign the papers. But you never answered. So when do you want to meet up so i can give you back your stuff? And do you want to go to the bank a sign the paper work still or no? You said you weren't after my money but i knew that was a lie. The phone bill should not be 50% because i should not be paying for your phone, my phone, and your mom's phone. I would like to see how much my phone is? And were is my phone that i paying for? If i am paying for the phone i want it back. And you took money out of my 401k that i am still paying back. But when do want your stuff back and where do you want to meet up?


I'm not entirely sure how to interpret that response, to clarify a few things:
1) Her mom did reach out, but this was after the fact of the cell phone bill and my first email to the W about it and which she responded that she didn't agree and would continue without. So no response was needed as I was not signing the papers and she knew this.

2) The 401K stuff she is referring to is a loan against her 401K that WE took out about 1 1/2 years ago to help with some expenses.

3) Initially I wasn't after her money and that can be noted through all the previous posts that I have shared. I have tried to give her reasonable ways out and she is refusing them all so I am pushing harder every time. And now it has come to the point of financials being involved.

So the way that I am interpreting her response is that she now sees the pressure I am willing to put against her and she is now wanting to take my previous offer of paying the phone bill and returning my stuff, an offer that she had refused and is no longer on the table.

So I'm not exactly sure how to respond to that, more so the fact that she didn't even answer to what I was asking...


M(31) W(29)
Together 12yrs
Married 2yrs
ILYBNILWY/Divorce BD 11/23/18
EA Discovered 3/20/19

In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19
W Moved out 3/20/19
M Moved out 5/31/19
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004