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Gerda, sorry for taking so long to reply...thank you for the kind words and the prayer. I agree with you about the heart of stone thing. if He would only do for them what he said in the Good Book.

Ezekiel 36:26 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)
26 I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

I am putting myself in that same awkward position tonight. I am attending an end of the year recital for my niece/God Daughter with the w, our kids and all of the extended family. What did he say in the God Father...I keep trying to get out, but they keep dragging me back. Haha! Just kidding on wanting out...wasn't my idea.

Helping others heal seems to be the norm these days. My Priest asked me to help start a divorce survival class at our Parish. I am flattered, but while looking at the material, I can't help but feel emotional about it. That being said, there are so many ppl that don't get any help while going thru d. It is truly sad. We should be up and running with the first classes by the end of the summer.

Getting my house the way I want it is still on the list, but seems like home repairs keep coming in. Pool electrical, refrigerator water/ice maker, outside freezer went out and lost about half a deer worth of venison & fish, and the list keeps going...One day at a time is the way to go.

Self teaching myself guitar is going well...definitely helps with emotions when you can express them with music. First favorite song to play and sing..."Cast No Stones" by Cody Jinks...Texas Country at its finest.

My oldest son (s21) graduated college with his undergrad a week ago and will take a year off of school to ponder grad school or heading into the workforce full time. I am so proud of him.

My daughter (d17) is gearing up for her senior year in high school and trying to decide on which University she will grace with her presence. She is a rock star.

My youngest son (s12) is my reader/drummer extraordinaire and is simply chilling this summer getting ready for 7th grade.

Hoping to take them to do something this summer as a group and also individually.

My prayers are with each and every one of you guys!


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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SBJ, I can't believe I never answered what you wrote here! I loved the Ezekiel reminder. That heart of stone sure is heavy on the ol' soul.

I wanted to stop by and wish you a very Happy Father's Day. You are the kind of father I wish my kids had. You are such a good man, and it is pretty impressive that you made such a huge impression on a stranger when we probably have exchanged a total of 500 words with each other just on line, never even meeting. (Though I still hope that one day you will meet my Texan friend at her restaurant and tell her about your stand!) So your light is BRIGHT.

About your divorce group -- it's funny, I have felt called to do something similar, but mine is a stander's group. It has been hard to want to keep doing it with all that has happened in the last six months but I feel a calling about it so I just gave my priest a proposal about it. I think a lot of marriages can be saved -- whether my husband will ever get a heart of flesh back remains of course to be seen.....

I hope you had a great Father's Day and were showered with love from your kids. And from that other Good Father!

Last edited by Gerda; 06/16/19 10:34 PM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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happy Father's Day SBJ xo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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SBJ

Glad to hear you and the kids are well

How did the school event go?

So happy you are helping others IRL as you have done here

You are blessed to have a very progressive and open minded church community


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Thanks for the Father's Day wishes and I hope everyone had a good one as well.

Gerda, I agree with you on a standers group in the church. That is the best for sure, but I also see that there is a need for those that have been left behind need a place where they can talk and/or communicate with others that have gone thru D. We hope to get our class started in August. Just because I want to assist others going thru D, doesn't mean that I don't want to stand.

bttrfly...I pray that you had a wonderful weekend yourself.

Gord...Kids are doing pretty good. My oldests grad was great.

We have a priest that is 86 years old and realizes that there is a real need for people to help people and allowing God to be the go between. We are trying to grow our "old" community into a younger community by adding more group activities that get people involved. I am also spearheading a mens group that should begin in August and run the same timeline as the kids school year. It should be fun and enlightening.

JOURNALING:
The W had the kids at the beach all week with her fathers side of the family. I have always looked forward to getting away like that and truly miss the family bonding that goes into it. This was the third one I have missed completely, but the W did invite me down for one day. I worked until noon and headed down for an afternoon on the beach and stayed for dinner. I left just after dark and drove home with the top down and enjoyed some quiet time with God.

Once I got home I had a couple of drinks and wrote a quick thank you to her for the invite and said how I missed it. Her reply blew me away....."You are always welcome. Family will always be family. Nothing can change that." WTF is one supposed to make of that?


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Joined: Oct 2016
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Journaling...posted on Gerda's thread, but also thought I'd post here.

I am doing ok I think. I have been ramping up my exercise. I bought a road bike and have been putting some miles in every week. Working towards multiple goals. There is a 150 mile race in April from Houston to Austin called the MS150 that some friends want me to ride with them. I also have a personal goal of doing a 100 mile ride for my bday in November. And last but not least, I have a strange curiosity about doing triathlons. I have a friend that has done an Ironman distance and he is going to help me with my swimming to get me more familiar with race swims instead of just recreational swimming. We will then get into putting them all together.

I find that spending an hour to two hours on the bike by myself allows me quite of bit of time to think and converse with the big guy upstairs. I also ride with a group of men that have gone thru the d process and are all at different points in life. I think that I am the only stander, but it doesn't bother me.

>>>>>

I posted in my last entry that my w made a weird comment after I visited them at the beach for an evening. Maybe could use some interpretation on this below:

[Once I got home I had a couple of drinks and wrote a quick thank you to her for the invite and said how I missed it. Her reply blew me away....."You are always welcome. Family will always be family. Nothing can change that." WTF is one supposed to make of that?]


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
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I got nuthin on the interpretation.

good on you with the GAL activities.

xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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SBJ, my friend.

I am rarely in agreement with the admonitions here to have no expectations. I mean, yes, you should not expect anything from her. But you can expect everything from God.

To me that sounds like a softening heart.

I am not saying she is going to come back tomorrow or that you should show up at her door with roses. But I am saying it's a softening heart. She is starting to see a little.

I don't think you can do anything to make her see more. But I know you can do a lot to harden her heart again.

But if you keep being the kind and loving and detached SBJ that you are, patient and patient and patient again, maybe her heart will keep softening.

I have been having quite a few arguments with God lately about standing. I am in a way tempted to give up my stand -- or rather, to allow connection with someone else while waiting for H to come back, instead of living the life of a nun that seemed so clear to me before my H went deep back in the tunnel and pulled out the evil torture financial devices he is employing in this dreadful divorce. I don't want to remarry and I don't want to openly date. But I miss the connection a man gives to a woman's heart.

I no longer believe in my H anymore. But I still believe in God. I still think God can do the impossible. I am just not really wanting to ask him for that so much as assure him that no matter what I do to turn my back on God's will in the meantime, I will accept my H back if God sends him back.

The point of that is, I am the last one to say that this is possible but -- watch and wait. I don't know what will happen for you and if it will take months or years. And I don't know what you will do during that time. But to me it seems like a huge blessing, a heart of flesh growing in her. So watch and wait as much as you can.

(((((SBJ))))))) my friend

Last edited by Gerda; 07/07/19 04:37 PM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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SBJ

Mind reading alert—always dangerous.

Your XW has always seemed to be desiring the amicable divorce.

And thus far you have played along. You are kind and open and generous. The door home is open.

“You will always be family.”

You are the father of her children and always will be.

Does it mean anything more than that? Only God knows.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Joined: Oct 2016
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Gerda and Gordie, thanks for replying. Many of us are still hear years after BD and sometimes we spin just like we did in the beginning.

Gerda, I agree with you...With God all things are possible, and I have tried my best to give it to him completely to let him take care of it. As to the softening of her heart towards me, I kinda disagree. She is involved with another OM currently and has done a good job hiding it. Not sure if she has tried to hide it, but at least it hasn't been thrown in my face. I did see a dreaded FB pic of the two of them, but was able to toss that out of my head.

Gord, I also agree with you in that she has always thought that we could get the D and end of as best of friends. It is funny that they expect that they can drop us like a hot potato and that at some point we will be best of friends. I'm not built that way. I can be her H and BFF, but I can't and won't we her ex and BFF.

I have an ex-stepmother that my dad helped to adopt a child around the time my w and I started dating. The ex-step would always take advantage of my dads time and only wanted him around when it suited her. My w would always comment on how she hated to see him being taken advantage of...now she seems to try and do the same with me at times.

I try not to do the mind reading thing that is why I post the batchitcrazy stuff here for your opinions. I think we need others to help us either make sense of the crazy or to keep us sane.

Tomorrow is the 3 year anniv of the BD. it is hard to believe that this $!*^ has been going on for that long, but I guess that is why they call it a marathon and not a sprint. As for those terms I have been training for a couple of things. One is a 150+ mile bike ride and the other is a Triathlon (a Sprint and an Olympic distance)with some friends. I have found that it clears the mind getting out on my bike for a couple of hours. I'm not exactly saying that I am Ironman material, but if we can make it thru MLC, we can make it thru anything that comes our way.

I pray that the second half of 2019 is full of personal growth and self love for everyone here. May God bless you all!!!


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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