So about an hour ago, I made the decision to go to S24's baby shower/party/bbq. I sent him a text letting him know. About 15 minutes later I received the following text from him:
"OM is not going tomorrow so no stressing ok?"
WOW.
I get the feeling that OM was seeing if I would actually go. When he found out that I was, he decided not to.
I asked S24 why OM wasn't going and I got this response:
"He came from a generation where men don't go to showers."
1) He's the same generation that I am. 2) This isn't your average baby shower. It is more of a party/celebration of life.
But.....I'm relieved. Instead of dealing with OM, it'll be XW, XMIL and XSIL.
Will still be interesting...
Tad
Last edited by job; 05/04/1912:11 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
I'm glad you are going. You worried yourself sick over this and now can go and enjoy the party.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Delighted it worked out this way. Hope you are enjoying yourself. Whole thing reads like a d@mn game of chicken on the part of OM. I could be wrong, been known to happen ... but I'm super glad you can go and have a good time xoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I went to the party, but I'm really p!ssed at myself. She still has a hold on me and probably always will. I guess I'm just disappointed in myself and am not as "done" as I had thought. I may never be "done" at this rate.
This sux.
I pulled up at the party and S28 was arriving just as I was. This was nice, because we were able to walk in together. XMIL saw me right away, but didn't say anything. I didn't either. After about 30 minutes or so XSIL found me and said hello and asked how I was doing. I actually ended up talking to her more than anyone. It was almost like old times....times that if I'm honest, I miss. She was always like the little sister that I never had. I miss her. She was about 12 the first time I met her. We've always kind of had a neat relationship. I never had a sister and she never had a brother. (She did have a half brother that she didn't get to know until they were both adults.) So, we've always had a brother/sister thing going.
I finally asked XMIL how she was doing, but that was it. Very cold. Wasn't surprised.
Most of the night, I was across the room from XW. I'd glance her direction every once in a while and she would glance my way too. But....at one point, there was a moment. Yeah, A MOMENT. Our eyes locked and I swear...there is/was something there. It was so strong and she raised her hand and waved to me. I waved back and finally had to turn away. I got emotional and looked away and started talking to my son. I couldn't look directly at her, but I'm sure she noticed that it bothered me. Not sure if it bothered her. I didn't keep looking. I couldn't.
Later while gifts were being opened, the year 1985 was mentioned in conversation. I blurted out that '85 was a great year. (That was the year we were married.) She giggled. A few minutes later, she told S26 about the night we decided on his name. (I was surprised that she actually acknowledged something that happened in the 1990's where we were concerned.)
The funny thing is, we didn't talk directly to each other at all. (The boys have told her that I want nothing to do with her.) But there was that moment. We connected. It just really bugs me though that we can have a "moment" but she can be so cold and indifferent towards me too.
There is an old George Jones song called "He Stopped Loving Her Today" about a guy that loved a woman until the day he died. I wonder if that will be me.
My grandmother used to tell me that I was too sentimental...that I was a sentimental fool. Maybe it is because she was my very first "true love" or maybe I just have a really bad personality flaw. Maybe I'll never completely be "done." After all my tough talk of not wanting to be friends and wanting nothing to do with her, and after all of the lies and everything that she has done....she still has a hold on me.
I hate it and hate the fact that (even though I no longer know her) she still gets to me.
Tad
Last edited by tadpole1025; 05/05/1904:28 AM.
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Don't beat yourself up! It's okay. You love/loved this woman for many years and had children w/her. You can't turn your heart off and on and it takes lots of time to get over someone, especially if the loved ran deep.
I am glad you went and you reconnected w/your XSIL and you were courteous to your former MIL as well. It shows that you have class. As for the former MIL, no one knows what your XW told her about the situation, but I'm glad she saw that you came and spoke to her other daughter. Tad, try to remember...you did nothing wrong.
I think you have come a long way and I am very proud of you for going to the party. I'm sure your son and girlfriend were happy to have you there as well.
It's a new day, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue moving forward. You did great!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, the love did run deep. I may not be able to turn my heart off and on, but it seems that she can. She is just so cold. I almost believe that the reason she left was because I was no longer good enough for her and even though I made decent money, it wasn't enough. I think A LOT of it had to do with money. Even one of my sons has made that comment in the past.
Again,thanks. Yes, I have come a long way, but not as far as I thought.
Really bummed right now.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Darrin, Your love was pure and your commitment was TRUE!! How can you say you were not enough? You 2 build years together. You created life and these life are now creating more. The blood line contunues. She did not have this with anyone else. And she will never share this with anyone else. If money is what she left for, she was a fool.
When your eyes locked, you did not see the cold stare. This alone says something.
I agree with you. It hurts, it [censored] but no one can take the Good years you shared with her. Don' t be hard on yourself. Be proud and thankful for the years you shared.
Job' s words are golden : " YOU did nothing wrong ".
Overall, it sound like you had a good time with your boys!
Ps. If you would have gotten the finger instead of the wave, you would have felt differently today.
I am glad you went. This gathering was family oriented and within the circonstances, it was pretty good!
i' m so happy for you!
