Moving on #3

[petri]

Old thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2843621&page=1

[petri]

Lots of things happening at once. The new R I had. It ended. As it appeas she has commitment issues. It's funny 'cause we both felt good about things not being too serious. But she felt it was wrong for both of us. Things went from this so good that there is no pressure to breakup in three hours. Apparrently her feelings towards me got a little too deep and she got scared. At least that's what she told me. I kindly thanked her for the time we had.

Next week I'm moving to my new home. That is something I've waited for sooooo long. Despite the breakup I'm happy right now.

Onwards and upwards!

[neffer]

Once a DB Buster, always a DB Buster P: time and patience applies to yourself too.

Great news about the house. Good!

How are the children doing? How´s GAL and the incoming summer?

[petri]

Kids are doing fine. Maybe some insecurity in the air now that the moving is happening. I've been a bit off other GAL since I had the R but now I need to go back to my activities. No plnas for the summer yet. I'm mostly focusing on the apartment and maybe some renovation there.

[petri]

Wow. I got a nice set of texts from XW. It all started when she texted me that D8 could go her parents cottage in the summer with D8s cousin for a week. A week which is my week with the kids. I replied that I would talk to D8 about it. Right after I had a talk with D8, XW texts me about me being so emotional about it. I replied that don't I have a right to talkto D8 about this. She then replied Of course, I just get a feeling that you don't f-ing trust anything I f-ing say. It p**ses me off. When did you f-ing become like this? Which I replied that I wanted to make sure that D8 understands that if she decides to go, it neans that we wouldn't be seei g for three weeks. That's all.
And then h*** broke loose. She started ranting about how she is afraid of me, I've become cold, how I use kids to hurt her. That point I reminded her that she threatened to take the kids away from me and she threatened to abandon our kids.
Well apparently she didn't threaten anything. I made her do it by not splitting the kids custody.

Is this just reaction to the D finally becoming to an absolute end or is this still your basic WW. Or are they the same?

[petri]

Moving going on. Tired as h***. It's all worth it in the end. The kids seem to like my apartment. They've been thinking about decorations and interior. This is their first time that they are included in all of interior designing. Can't wait to start doing some renovation. And we seem to be in ok terms with XW so it helps alot.

One thing I'm wondering. How come the shorter R seems to be even tougher to handle than M? Why it hurts more? Any thoughts?

[SteveLW]

petri, I hear you. Moved last summer. Did a bunch of smaller loads leading up to the big move. Had plenty of help for the big move, but then still had some smaller moves. The next day I couldn't get out of bed. And then had to start preparing the old place to sell. It is exhausting!!

My guess is it is similar to reinjuring an old injury. If you get hurt, let it heal, and then reinjure it later, the reinjury can be more painful than the original. I think of when I had a hernia repair. I could just imagine ripping my stitches by not following the restriction. I believe that would have hurt worst than the original hernia and surgery.

[petri]

Steve. I had a karate camp on weekend, both days. Started moving on monday. Repaired the roof from old house on tuesday and continued moving. Today moving again. Hopefully I'll get the last stuff in today.

Guess you are right about that. It's funny though. We both agreed to not take this too serious and let things evolve in their own time. Well things did move and she got scared. Apparrently she has a fear of commitment and she felt like this is the moment when she has to commit. We had been talking a couple of hours earlier about how good things are and there is no pressure from either side. And all of a sudden *poof* we broke up.

[petri]

Hey all! It's been a while. Things are going pretty ok. Despite XW asking me to join her and the kids at her parents cottage and a waterpark nearby. I declined and told her that family trips went to history via D. She said that she asked b/c of guilt and missing us. And later on went on the same how I didn't fight for her and how I didn't love her...when will WWs stop this?

[Btrow]

Hey Petri.

That is a difficult question to answer as we don't see a lot of WWs who continue doing it. Mine for instance, has never ever not once asked to do a family trip or anything like that (or shown guilt for that matter), so yours is a bit out of the ordinary. My best guess is that you somehow allow her to continue. Is she still with the original AP, by the way?

I just noticed your question on why the break ups of shorter Rs after D hurts more, a couple of posts back. I stumbled upon an explanation for that recently (as I have been going through something similar). I'll see if I can find it again.