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A Message from Michele
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Last stages of divorce #2846180
04/20/19 02:59 PM
04/20/19 02:59 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 254
H
Hamburg Offline OP
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Hamburg  Offline OP
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H
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 254
Prior threads

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2825219&page=1

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2825222

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2834885#Post2834885

Married 13 y, 2 young kids.
BD jan 2018. We sort things out. Jan 2018 EA starts with a lowlife. July 2018 BD that basically ends M. D filed july 18. Reconciliation from Sept to Oct. EA turns to PA. I move out, PA now in full force, now past temporary orders phase, mediation upcoming.

W now begging not to use Attys, mediation and doing this ourselves, no way I can let that happen. She almost blew the sale of the home over $500. I had to pay her off in order to sign. Shes forcing OM upon family, only further driving them away. She has alienated herself from them and I maintain close relationships with her parents and siblings, being the only contact between them and the kids. D is in the discovery process, which can take some time. She is begging to do this ASAP and is suing me for a large sum for Atty fees because I'm "dragging it on." We don't even have discovery records or depositions yet.

I am doing well. Picking up extra shifts at work, hitting the gym and pouring myself into the kids. They are doing ok, I am in close contact with their counselor and make sure we are on the same page. We have a blast during my possession times. W continues to badmouth me to them so there is a bit of cleanup and explanations during my time. Oldest has several tardies during W possession time, on the order of 20+ minutes each time. Child is very upset by it.

In the meantime I have found a wonderful lady to spend some time with. We've known each other for quite some time and she is freshly divorced. Definitely taking time with it but it is amazing how refreshing a sane person can be. I've dabbled in a few "unhealthy" people who were just latches to prevent me from being lonely. I am past that point now. Detachment has gone well. It came in phases and I feel like a different person.

Re: Last stages of divorce [Re: Hamburg] #2846182
04/20/19 03:28 PM
04/20/19 03:28 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,263
D
DnJ Offline
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DnJ  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,263
Good Morning Hamburg

When I first read that W almost blew the house sale over $500, yeah emotional MLC. Glad you got it done and over.

I can see your detachment, and yes you are a different person, or uncovering who you lost for a while. Well done.

Keep being the sane stable parent. They need you.

You got this.

DnJ


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S21 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
Re: Last stages of divorce [Re: Hamburg] #2846881
04/26/19 01:28 AM
04/26/19 01:28 AM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 15
J
JNicolas Offline
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JNicolas  Offline
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J
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 15
Hi Hamburg!

Good to hear about the new lady and how it's refreshing! Props to you!

JN

Re: Last stages of divorce [Re: Hamburg] #2847215
04/29/19 03:49 AM
04/29/19 03:49 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 254
H
Hamburg Offline OP
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Hamburg  Offline OP
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H
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 254
Well, D is still going as planned. She is taking me to court for her moving expenses and some other things. She is flat broke. Called her dad for money. For the first time in her life he said no. She then called brother, sister and parents and told then they weren't allowed to talk to me. Each of them told her I will always be a part of their lives and she cannot control this.

It is a nice feeling but I sincerely hope she can mend those relationships one day

Re: Last stages of divorce [Re: Hamburg] #2847361
04/29/19 08:31 PM
04/29/19 08:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,890
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peacetoday Offline
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peacetoday  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2007
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H

Many a mcler seem to head in the same direction
even after being here for 12 years now on this site- I see it over and again

Its like a mental illness that overtakes them-
My XH did also and still remains in neverland-

Just make sure the kids are ok-
I cant see the Mlcer being anywhere capable of parenting-


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Re: Last stages of divorce [Re: Hamburg] #2847813
05/03/19 03:54 AM
05/03/19 03:54 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 254
H
Hamburg Offline OP
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Hamburg  Offline OP
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H
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 254
W reached out and is being nice. We talked about D stuff. She essentially asked for unreasonable stuff at first. Then she had a mini meltdown, admitted she's an emotional wreck and caved to my demands.
She found out I have found someone and said she's happy for me and wishes the best. I guess this decreases guilt on her part?

L said i will prob not get full custody, so we are peeling back from the scorched earth approach. It will save me some serious money. That's the only reason I was using that approach. So things should be final here in a few weeks. Its bittersweet.

Re: Last stages of divorce [Re: Hamburg] #2847905
05/03/19 07:24 PM
05/03/19 07:24 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,890
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peacetoday Offline
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peacetoday  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2007
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That's good H
Less drama the better

Its also good that she is OK with your new relationship


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Re: Last stages of divorce [Re: Hamburg] #2848091
05/06/19 03:50 AM
05/06/19 03:50 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 254
H
Hamburg Offline OP
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Hamburg  Offline OP
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H
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 254
W reached out again. She had to pack up the house and admitted to me she's not doing well. She stated it was so difficult and the memories are painful to replay in her head. "A lifetime in boxes" is how she stated it. This is the first time in almost a year she has opened up to me about this stuff. I didn't pry and kept my cool. We also joked about some memories and spoke of things like old times. She also realizes the financial impact of her future. Now, I tried to think that was the reason for her opening up. But in recent past, she has been nice for a short time, got what she needed, then turned back into a monster. None of those conversations were like this. I continue to keep my guard up. For the record, i would not take her back. I pray for her eventual clarity to restore her relationship with her family.

Regarding me, I have found a wonderful woman. I find as time goes on and we get closer, it is more difficult to forget the past. Things are going really well and i hope we can continue.

Re: Last stages of divorce [Re: Hamburg] #2848092
05/06/19 04:03 AM
05/06/19 04:03 AM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,089
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Gerda Offline
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Gerda  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,089
Hamburg, I don't know if I missed something, but didn't your wife's MLC just start last year? This all seems to be moving so fast.

I would just caution you about falling in love with someone new when it has not even been a year. Your W threw everything away so quickly because she is not in her right mind. I would caution you about throwing everything away so quickly too! Even if you don't have any interest in restoring your M (and of course because I am Gerda, I would always encourage you to keep that door open!), I think it's really fast to start up with someone else.

I know I may seem like the nun around here, but I have had many temptations in the six years since BD. I know what it is like to feel that balm of attention and admiration and comfort and even seeds of love from someone else.

Whatever you choose for your future, you want to be whole and healed if you are going to have a new marriage (with someone new or with a restored W). It will be hard to truly heal if you jump quickly into something else. It soothes the wound and the pride for sure, it is a wonderful distraction, but it can be just as dangerous for you and for a new person in the long run if you don't fully heal first.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Re: Last stages of divorce [Re: Hamburg] #2848097
05/06/19 04:22 AM
05/06/19 04:22 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 254
H
Hamburg Offline OP
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Hamburg  Offline OP
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H
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 254
BD1 was 18 months ago and BD 2 (the big one) was almost 1 year ago. I am taking extreme caution and moving slowly. She is divorced as well so those feelings are mutual. I've gone through a few of the "relationships" to pass the time and knew they were unhealthy but stayed around because i had no other options. I'll be frank, in my position I have women constantly throwing themselves at me. As with you, temptation is hard to overcome sometimes. I've dodged several bullets and know what to look for in a person.

I'll be the first to admit I'm not fully healed and know it will take time. I'm not going to jump into anything serious too quickly. I have to focus on myself and my young children.

Nun or not, you give excellent advice and you are a pro. Your words are always appreciated. Thank you!

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