This isn’t high school my man you don’t like a girl on Match and wait for her to like you back. You send her a message and mention something in her profile.
I thought you were in a long distance relationship all ready?
Well, I’m new to this $hit! I assumed that was what the like feature was for! If they are interested, they let me know and then I initiate conversation.
I wouldn’t say I’m in a relationship. I’ve been talking to the girl for a couple months. We got together two different times. We haven’t been intimate on either occasion. She’s all about taking it slow, which I am too, and mentioned a fear of getting too attached because of the distance and because my priority is my kids and doesn’t want to take away from that. Haven’t really had the conversation about whether it’s exclusive or not, so I’m not going to assume it is and continue keeping my options open.
Unless SHE says to you she wants to make it exclusive then its not. Keep on truckin.
Yep, that's been my mindset all along. I'm not engaging that conversation unless she brings it up.
Sorry for the hijack, harvey!
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
I make it simple. I hit like on the women that I like. If they like back, I'll message them. If the conversation goes well initially, I'll shoot them my number. After that, it's about setting up a date--which isn't easy in my situation.
I'm surprised at how many 30-somethings are interested in a 48-year-old. I have dates lined up with four women, three are in their late 30s and one is 45. She's aged well.
Things have heated up quickly with the one girl I've met. We'll see where it leads, but I'm in no rush.
Got an offer on the second house (full price, contingent on them selling their house), so the financial stress may be coming to an end soon.
Still doing what I've been doing. What I've learned is that if you DB effectively, there will be three outcomes.
1) You better yourself, your ex notices and seeks reconciliation. Then, it's up to you to decide what you want to do. You may try to make it work. You may have moved on. If you decide to give it a try, you'll be in a great position to make it work. Unfortunately, this is the least likeliest outcome--no matter what you do. 2) You better yourself, your ex notices but doesn't seek reconciliation. Your ex lives with the regret. 3) You better yourself, but your ex is happy with their life. Maybe your ex made a good decision for themselves. More power to them.
The key to all three scenarios is to better yourself and live life to the fullest.
Sounds like things are going well Harvey, good deal!
Definitely spot-on regarding the 3 outcomes. Most LBS's feel powerless for a long time, but eventually they are usually the ones that choose the outcome.
Women seem to like older men these days. My EXWW's OM is nearly 60 and she is 38. My new lady friend is 25. I am 38.
I agree on the three outcomes as well. I feel my EXWW is category two. I honestly feel she wanted me to keep waiting around and pursuing her, trying to show her that I deserve her. She got that dead wrong.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Not much is new. Yesterday was a bit tough. I dropped my girls off at XW's house after spending 10 days with them. We had a great time. We did a lot of fishing and caught a bunch of big fish. It was the type of week that will get the girls hooked on fishing for the rest of their lives.
XW had gotten her hair done. She has kept the 20 pounds or so off that she lost right after BD. Quite honestly, she looks phenomenal. She's about as hot as a 42-year-old woman can get, but at least I got her in her prime. Doubly tough was that it was the 18th anniversary of our first date. I do wonder if she realized it, but I'm guessing she did. She's always been quite aware of those things.
We've been cordial. I've decided that I'm okay with that. Not to get her back, but I want's best for my girls. I did ask my older daughter if they have been going to church lately. She said they have. If so, XW would have been at the service that basically said divorce should be the last resort. Looking back, my XW did seem pretty emotional when I talked to her a couple of weeks ago after the sermon. I think she has too much pride to seek reconciliation, but my guess is that she has some regret. I know it's too much focus on my XW, but I'm not going to beat myself up. These milestones are tough.
I did get approved for a mortgage loan without having to close on the house in the other state, so I'm that much closer to finding a permanent place for the girls and I. I will be looking at some houses with the girls this weekend. If I find something I like, I will make an offer.
My younger daughter has been very emotional, and I do wonder if this situation has taken a larger toll on her than what I thought. I've realized that being stern with her right now is not the best approach. She needs me to be understanding and validating.
I will be meeting one of the gals (the 37-year-old) I've been texting this weekend. I think she's fallen for me. I'm not sure I'm ready for something serious, but I decided I will be honest with her. My nice guy syndrome is still there. I don't want to break her heart, if I'm not ready. If she's okay with taking it slow, we'll see where it goes.
awesome news on the dating front. I wonder how many people are scared to admit they made a mistake, so they don't try to fix things with their spouses...but there's no use in thinking about it really.
If you have NGS still maybe it's time for a reread on NMMNG. Good luck on the date!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
awesome news on the dating front. I wonder how many people are scared to admit they made a mistake, so they don't try to fix things with their spouses...but there's no use in thinking about it really.
If you have NGS still maybe it's time for a reread on NMMNG. Good luck on the date!
I don't know that I have full-on NGS, but I think I have some qualities. I've focused on worrying about my needs more than the past... not at the expense of others but more as a supplement.
It's nice to read your update H and no, it wasn't too focused on your XW. She is a part of your life. It is OK to still talk/think about her. One day, you might be able to talk/think about her without worrying if you are talking/thinking about her too much. Then you'll know you're properly detached because she is just another person in your life. Also, you can still find your XW attractive without wanting to R with her. I still think my H is the most attractive man I know.
I think you need to reframe the giving the girls back after ten days. You had them for ten days. And because you knew you had to hand them back, you probably made those ten days really count. And when you don't have them, well, I don't know about you, but those GAL activities I forced myself to do at the start, well, they are just habit now. Gym, catching up with friends, snuggling up on the sofa with a book or being able to watch what I want on the TV, have all become part of my day to day when I don't have the girls.
I'm sorry to hear about your younger daughter. She's the same age as my youngest right (9). I think your decision to be cordial with your XW for the girls sake is the right one. Our children are hurting. Their sense of family has been ripped apart and they don't know how to deal with it. They don't have the words to articulate how they are feeling and they don't want to upset the dynamic any more than they have to. So, they bottle it all in and pretend to be ok (same as adults really). I have found that my kids seem happier when they see that my H and I are getting on. They never say anything, but when they see us joking around or simply treating one another like normal people (not being cold and awkward with one another) they just seem happier. On the flip side, D12 is grumpier when she hasn't seen her dad in a while, if she senses tension, or, if in fact, if she senses anything that might indicate more change. All I can do is remind her that she is loved by both of us, use "we" statements as much as I can and make a big deal of consulting him on anything children related (so she can see her dad and I are still a team when it comes to her and her sister).
Glad to see the dating thing is going well for you. I think being honest with what you can and what you can't give is a good policy to have. If you think she is at risk of being hurt, then it isn't fair to let her think you can give more than you can. I remember saying to my H when we started seeing each other that I knew that I wanted to spend time with him today, tomorrow and probably next week, but I couldn't promise more than that. We lasted nearly 17 years and 15 of those were pretty darn good.
Need some advice. First some good news: I bought a house in the city I'm settling in. I will be closing on 7/29, so I will be close to my girls and I'm moving on with my life.
Now, the drama. XW and I have actually been getting along well. However, we've run into an issue.
Backdrop: a few weeks ago XW and the girls moved to the city I'm moving to in late July. I'm living in a city 200 miles way. I had the girls for 10 days right after they came back. I had them last weekend and again this weekend. I'll have them from 6/27-7/7. From 7/7 until 8/11 I'll only have them for two weekends. I told XW that I'd like to have the girls from 8/16-8/25 and then we can get on our regular child support schedule. School starts on 8/21 (a day before my birthday). I want them on my birthday.
She responded that she'd like to have them the first two days of school--her having them for the first day of school was never agreed to in the divorce decree. We went back and forth, and I told her twice more that I'd like to have them 8/16-8/25.
She said maybe we should stick to the child support calendar that we agreed to when the divorce went final--except that she'd like both of them from 8/9-8/11 (for her sister's baby shower) and the first two days of school. The child support calendar has us splitting the girls from 8/9-8-11. 8/9 was our anniversary and I wanted that designated as one of the two times/year that we would split the girls. The child support calendar has me having them from 8/16-8/23. Two days less than I'm asking for, but with me still having them the first two days of school.
I think I will write something like this:
"I'm good with using the child support calendar. I will take the girls from 8/16-8/23. I hope we can be flexible with each other--which is why I'm okay with you having both girls from 8/9-8/11--but I never agreed that you'd get the girls for the first day of school."
I hit like on the women that I like. If they like back, I'll message them. If the conversation goes well initially, I'll shoot them my number. After that, it's about setting up a date--which isn't easy in my situation.