Why Keep Hope, Part 3 (Moving Forward)

[Wanted1]

I had a great time with the girls. D13 took third all around at regionals. I'm proud of how hard she works. D9 and I enjoyed watching the NFL Draft. The interactions with XW were a little awkward at times. I had to stand up for myself when XW implied that I had to run plans with my daughters by her. We came to an understanding, I think. Saw X-MIL for the first time since this went down. Interactions with her were surprisingly normal. We stayed in separate hotels and alternated having our daughters. The girls enjoyed their time with me, and I had the much better hotel.

I will go a few weeks now without seeing the girls. They finish school down south and then will be settling in their new home up north. It's going to be tough. After that, I will take them to my Mom's house for 10 days. We've had some interest in the second house, but no concrete offers yet. Praying that gets taken care of, so that I can buy a new house where we are settling down.

Not much GAL. I was with the girls. Now, I'm sitting in a hotel room by myself because I'm working at HQ for the week. Still trying to 180, but even that is hard right now. I feel like a nomad. Detachment is finally going well.

On the dating scene I'm getting a lot of action. The rebound girl I met a few weeks ago is really into me. I was worried about her sitch before, but some of my concerns have been alleviated. I like her. I also have several dates lined up for when I finally move to my new destination, but I'll probably see how it goes with the first girl before moving on.

That's it. XW shows no inclination that she would ever be interested in reconciliation--and it doesn't bother me anymore. How it went down does, but it is what it is. I'm out of the fog of blaming myself. There appears to be a lot of dudes worse than me out there.

Good update, Harvey! I'm curious, which OLD service are you on? If a couple, which one has produced better results?

[FlySolo]

Hi Harvey - just wanted to stop by and say hi.

Don't worry about not GAL'g. You had the girls. That is GAL too.

[harvey]

Good update, Harvey! I'm curious, which OLD service are you on? If a couple, which one has produced better results?

I'm on Match and Bumble. Match and mutual friends are where I've met the women that I have dates lined up with.

Bumble seems to have a "better selection", but I don't get many hits on that site. Probably because it's based on your location. Where it shows I live doesn't match the location of the women that I'm finding. I'm interested to see what the selection is like when I get to the town I'm settling in.

[harvey]

Hi Harvey - just wanted to stop by and say hi.

Don't worry about not GAL'g. You had the girls. That is GAL too.

Hola, FS! I'm not too worried. I'll get back to GAL'ing when I finally get settled. I'm a bit orderly, so this bouncing around has been a bit stressful.

[Wanted1]

Good update, Harvey! I'm curious, which OLD service are you on? If a couple, which one has produced better results?

I'm on Match and Bumble. Match and mutual friends are where I've met the women that I have dates lined up with.

Bumble seems to have a "better selection", but I don't get many hits on that site. Probably because it's based on your location. Where it shows I live doesn't match the location of the women that I'm finding. I'm interested to see what the selection is like when I get to the town I'm settling in.

Ok, same here. I've had better luck with Bumble, though. I am only on Bumble if I'm traveling as the selection in my area is few and far between. I'm come to accept that any future relationship I will probably have will have to be a long distance one.

Here's my question wrt Match. Do you 'like' someone, wait for them to 'like' you back and then reach out with a message or do you just straight up send a message right off the bat? I sort of attribute my lack of success on Match to my location. I have a pretty wide radius set for my search area and most of the women's desired distance wouldn't include me (for example, their profile says within 50 miles of X, whereas I'm 250 miles from them). I'm wondering if that's the main driver in why I don't get 'likes' back or messages back from the ones that I've actually taken the time to send a message to.

Match, alone, would be pretty disheartening to me but when I've been on Bumble and am in a higher populated area, I do have very attractive women that I match with and they will send a message. I must not be that horrible looking lol! If someone messages me on Bumble, I disclose right away that I'm not from the area, but I do travel quite a bit and have the means and time to make a long distance thing work. I tell them that if that's a deal breaker for them, I completely understand. The responses are about 50/50 so far. That sort of puts me back to square one when trying to determine what the deal is with Match! If 50% of the women on Bumble don't mind a long distance R, maybe that isn't the issue on Match and I'm doing something "wrong" on there, haha.

I appreciate your insight, harv!

[LH19]

W,

This isn’t high school my man you don’t like a girl on Match and wait for her to like you back. You send her a message and mention something in her profile.

I thought you were in a long distance relationship all ready?

[Wanted1]

W,

This isn’t high school my man you don’t like a girl on Match and wait for her to like you back. You send her a message and mention something in her profile.

I thought you were in a long distance relationship all ready?

Well, I’m new to this $hit! I assumed that was what the like feature was for! If they are interested, they let me know and then I initiate conversation.

I wouldn’t say I’m in a relationship. I’ve been talking to the girl for a couple months. We got together two different times. We haven’t been intimate on either occasion. She’s all about taking it slow, which I am too, and mentioned a fear of getting too attached because of the distance and because my priority is my kids and doesn’t want to take away from that. Haven’t really had the conversation about whether it’s exclusive or not, so I’m not going to assume it is and continue keeping my options open.

[LH19]

W,

That’s not what you said. You asked do you like them and wait to for them to like you back. Some women will reach out. Most want the man to make the first move.

Seriously exclusivity after two meetings and no intimacy? Do you think you’re ready for a relationship?

Sorry Harvey for the hijack!

[Twofeet]

W,

This isn’t high school my man you don’t like a girl on Match and wait for her to like you back. You send her a message and mention something in her profile.

I thought you were in a long distance relationship all ready?

Well, I’m new to this $hit! I assumed that was what the like feature was for! If they are interested, they let me know and then I initiate conversation.

I wouldn’t say I’m in a relationship. I’ve been talking to the girl for a couple months. We got together two different times. We haven’t been intimate on either occasion. She’s all about taking it slow, which I am too, and mentioned a fear of getting too attached because of the distance and because my priority is my kids and doesn’t want to take away from that. Haven’t really had the conversation about whether it’s exclusive or not, so I’m not going to assume it is and continue keeping my options open.

Unless SHE says to you she wants to make it exclusive then its not. Keep on truckin.

[Wanted1]

W,

That’s not what you said. You asked do you like them and wait to for them to like you back. Some women will reach out. Most want the man to make the first move.

Seriously exclusivity after two meetings and no intimacy? Do you think you’re ready for a relationship?

Sorry Harvey for the hijack!

Dude, we are on the same page if you don't see that.....your previous message came off sort of accusatory in saying "I thought you were in a long distance relationship already?" My response was specifically telling you that no, I don't consider myself in a relationship and gave the reasons why I don't feel as though I am.

With re: to Match, I think you are misunderstanding my question. I was merely wondering what harvey's game plan has been and explained that, between my two posts, my process has been to 'like' someone and if they 'like' me back I would reach out and make the first move (e.g. a message). I'm simply explaining that by me hitting 'like', I kind of assumed that was the first move. With that said, I suppose girls on any dating site, especially the very attractive ones, get inundated with 1,000s of likes and tons of messages, so me hitting 'like' isn't enough, I suppose. If someone is seriously interested, it probably takes sending out a message.