And that's what I do. Keep rollin' with the punches. And I keep getting punched. IN the boob.
I am probably not going to stop with the lame boob jokes.
I thank you all for your input. I am just kind of baffled right now. And angry, quite honestly.
Sunday night he told me he loved me. We really did have a good time and we were like a natural family. We had no incident or anything that happened that would questions anything. We had fun on the water slides. His son wanted to race me around the lazy river, we played laser tag, we had fun tubing and snowball fighting. Playing in the arcade. Enjoyed some meals together. It was all good. I was happy. His son was happy, D11 was happy. I guess not him?
I am having such a bad week. The surgery. The money. His reaction Work has been unreal with an unmanageable patient load and I have been working 9-10 hour days for no extra money. And then he completely just distances himself. At a time I need him, he backs off. And that really upsets me. I think he is being selfish. Which is usually not him. But I guess he just freaked out. DO I have a right to be angry? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I just know that when things get real with guys they have always freaked and ran on me. Must be me, But I swear, I didn't do anything.
I played by the rules this time. Not a single R talk, no pressure, waited until her was ready to introduce kids. I let him call the shots and it was carefully and 6 months in. I don't ask for anything emotionally. What more or little can I do? I treat him very good, I have been more than patient and understanding with the stuff with his ex, always there for him. And he always told me how much it meant to him. He told me how lucky felt to have me and he is always excited to see me.
I don't get it. To play hide and go seek when I need him the most hurts. I want to say something about it. Should I? Shouldn't I? Should I always just let the other person drive the ship? Is it ok for me to express my needs? Are my needs unreasonable at this point?
I don't know anymore. The sudden distance from a nice comfortable love hurts. I was finally trusting again. I was feeling a little secure. Stupid me.
HIs son is 5. He fought so hard for him. He shared everything with me. I get it. But he needs to think of me and my daughter too. We are just as important in this. and he is kind of acting like we aren't.
I don't know what to do.
Last edited by job; 03/21/1902:04 PM. Reason: added link to the previous thread
My guess is that M is perceiving this very different.
From your viewpoint he is pulling away, not there for you, not committing, withdrawing, this is a test of the relationship and possibly a sign that everything is falling apart.
For him I'm guessing none of this is going on, he had a great weekend with you and has now been taking some time on his own for a couple of days for whatever reason. I would bet he's shocked that this is all going on in your mind right now.
I'd recommend you find a calm and stable place before deciding what to discuss with him. See how things play out. See what he volunteers without you any type of questioning. See how he interacts with you over the next couple of weeks.
Yes, in a relationship you can express your desires. But I think you'll be more productive if you are less escalated when you have those conversations. And it might be that things play out where you don't even need to have a conversation, things might just work themselves out. You wonder why things start to go south for you, I'll bet they don't as long as you don't hit the panic button.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
From your viewpoint he is pulling away, not there for you, not committing, withdrawing, this is a test of the relationship and possibly a sign that everything is falling apart.
For him I'm guessing none of this is going on, he had a great weekend with you and has now been taking some time on his own for a couple of days for whatever reason. I would bet he's shocked that this is all going on in your mind right now.
DING DING DING! I think Zues hit the nail on the head here.
All the other stressors - work, money, boob - are making you see the worst in everything right now. Step back and calm down. (Also, on the boob thing, did you ask your plastic surgeon about financing plans? Many of them have them although I don't know what the interest rates are like.)
As a guy I endorse this message. It may sound like a joke but yes - we can be pretty oblivious to the undercurrents.
You're going to have to trust us old folks who have had longer experiences in long term relationships on this one. You full well know how lousy I was at mind reading even a woman who I spent more than half of my life with.
((Ginger))
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
My stressors are causing me to feel worse about this and view it as something awful. He admits to acting weird and this is where he told me why. I believe he did need to step back and assess. And maybe the timing felt totally off with everything else I have going on. I’m viewing this as the worst possible situation and he’s viewing it as a bump in the road he needs to assess.
We chatted for a bit last night, we both had a really long work days. We chit chatted a bit I did tell him the surgery date and I told Him I got it covered, it’s our kid weekends and D11 will take care of me( and she will. It’s not a bad surgery, I recovered pretty quick when I was 22 anyways, just lifting things and raising your arms hurt ) really, she just has to take care of the dog. I did tell him his love and support is always wecoled and he said “you will definitely have that from me” I also told him I’ve cream was welcomed and he asked me favorite flavor.
I was a zombie and fell asleep really early on the couch. I woke up to a text “I’m going to bed. I love you”
I will have patience in all of this. Like I told my friend, I can have patience as long as I know he doesn’t plan to just drop me on my butt.
I did give me some reassurance to see the “I love you” last night. There will be no R talks initiated by me. But I think we need to talk about feelings and issues as they come up.
As far as my boobs go. Good news is I’m breaking even on my taxes and can use my 5k. My dad will help and I can look into care credit, but I only have a year to pay them back and I can’t do that. I also have to chooses between both options really soon.
I am also going to work hard to find a second job I can work from home. I need all the extra money I can get. For mybhouse, the wedding, and to pay off my boobs.
Tonight I have an annual event which is a fundraiser for the charity my BFF and her H are in. I haven’t seen my friends in so long, I can’t wait to get together to eat, drink, and be merry!
You have been given a lot of sage advice about your situation. You've heard the old saying "when it rains, it pours"? Well, that is what is happening right now in your life. You have gotten so much hitting you at the same time that your frustration, anxiety, etc. are in over load.
Your relationship w/M has been going so well that you naturally "assumed" that his reaction would be so different from what he exhibited. The man needed time to think things over and reflect on what happened w/his xw and just how different your upcoming surgery will be. He probably doesn't know what to say or how to be there for you right now. At some point, you will have a discussion w/him about issues and feelings.
If he wants to help you in any way, let him. Your daughter will be there to help you, but it's always nice to have someone else pamper you a bit as well. Do not be afraid to ask him for help if you really need it.
Just my two cents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am also going to work hard to find a second job I can work from home
Two jobs and single mom sounds super stressful. Thinking of extra things - have you considered evening babysitting in your home? You mist know nurses who work evenings and need sitters? Someone who drops their kid off at your home? Might be easier and less stressful, just thinking of options.
Also - there is almost always room to tighten a budget. Check out Mr. Money Mustache's blog and consider posting a case study in the Ask a Mustachian segment of the forum. You might be surprised how much money you could save on your monthly budget.
I’m having a stupid relationship anxiety attack today. I don’t know why I have such a bad gut feeling. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. He told me the other night he loved me, he initiated it. I fell asleep so I didn’t say it back. We had some chit chat yesterday. Talking about our weekends. He asked me if I still had D11 this weekend because her dad is away. I told him yes. I invited him to volunteer with us but he declined. I told him we were going on a hike Sunday with the dog and he said he would like to join. Our first just us night will be next Wednesday and that will be 2 and a half weeks since we had an adult date, a real hug even. Maybe that’s causing my anxiety? Coupled with his questioning after the trip, when I felt so happy things went so well. I guess I’m racking my brains trying to figure out what exactly made him a little scared. Does he think I’m a bad mom mother figure ( which I am not) I really don’t know.
My insecurities are through the roof right now. And when I get this feeling, guys usually break up with me.
But he seemed so in. And perhaps he still is and we’ve hit a bump in the road and with a little one on one time and communication, maybe we will reconnect. I said to him today that missed his hugs and kisses and he just didn’t even acknowledge that. Probably because I sound pathetic. So I’ll change it up and just back off. He’s going out with his friend tonight and I won’t hear from him. Maybe it’s good.
Things were just so different before this trip. I wish I knew what happened. But I’m hoping maybe we just need a little one on one reconnection.
I really despise this feeling. I’m hoping that if I change up how I deal with this, maybe the outcome will change and this one is really in it, even with some bumps in the road.
Is this normal to have a period like this? Do people recover from it? I wouldn’t know, I never recovered from a period like this. It just always ended. I’ve also not gotten this far in a relationship . I just hope he isn’t one to go when the going gets tough .
