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curtis7 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by LH19
C,

What is the status of her moving out? The quicker she moves out the better.

Closing on the separation home is April 1st. Unlikely this is all some elaborate April Foolsí joke.


Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
Ríville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
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Originally Posted by Steve85
It isn't babysitting if its your own kids. Its called being their dad.

Babysitter was her word, not mine. I corrected her on that once before as it bothered me. I told her Iím not a babysitter to our own kids, Iím their father and Iíll be there for them.


Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
Ríville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
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Is she a SAHM?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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curtis7 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by sandi2
Is she a SAHM?


No, we are both professionals and have made a very nice life for ourselves with a beautiful home.

We live on several acres and she has a horse on site that she loves. The horse and large property are another area of her resentment towards me. When we bought the property and built the house about 4 years ago, I made her feel like I never wanted it. However, over the past year or so once we finally got everything established, Iíve really enjoyed living here. Friendly neighbors, convenient location to work and stores, and a quiet, peaceful environment.

At the end of December, she was trying to convince me to move out and find a rental. She said ďYou donít have a horse, why do you need the large property?Ē I replied to her ďWhy would I move out, Iíve found happiness here and our kids are comfortable here. This is our dream home we built together and I believe one day youíll come back.Ē A few days later she made the comment that I chose the house over what she wanted.


Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
Ríville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
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Posts: 309
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curtis7 Offline OP
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Yesterday morning while making pancakes for the kids my S was watching a YouTube of other people playing video games. Neither my W nor I can stand hearing the video game voice overs when we are in the room. I told him to turn it off and watch something else. He became upset and said itís not fair and that I get to watch sports whenever I want. Now, since BD, I have stopped watching sports almost completely, just lost most interest in it. Iím sure it will come back in time, but I wonít let it dominate my life.

My W then said to me ďIt is going take time to see that it is different.Ē I didnít know what she meant at first, but then came to the conclusion that my S hasnít recognized that Iíve stopped watching sports. Still, I couldnít help myself from thinking she had some other hidden meaning behind it. Such as perhaps she is noticing my personal changes and needs to continue to see them over an extended period of time to know they are genuine. Or perhaps the comment meant we are going to have to get used to a different lifestyle when the physical separation starts. I am probably reading too much into her words and should not try to analyze what she is saying.

I also finished up the exterior LED light project on the horse barn. My W asked me a couple times if I needed any helped and I said nope. When it was finished she seemed pleased, not sure why she cares if she has no long term intentions of staying here.


Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
Ríville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
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curtis, remember, believe NOTHING they say and only half of what they do. This goes for negative things ("I want a D!") as well as positive things ("I am so excited for the new LEDs").Remember, she is not even sure of herself in her own mind! I remember when my WW was at her most wayward, sexting and send nude photos to OM, she would still talk about things way out in future. It was confusing, but I also learned by experience, and by advice given here, to believe nothing that came out of her mouth. The reason for it sometimes is because they flat out lie, "There is no OM. He is just a friend. Etc." But mostly it because she has no idea if what she is saying is true herself!

My WW explained to me and in C that how she felt at any given minute could be completely different a minute later. Sometimes their words don't even make sense to them later. I witnessed that as my W slowly came out of her WW fog.


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curtis7 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Steve85
curtis, remember, believe NOTHING they say and only half of what they do.

So true, she told me she needs to babysit the divorced BFFís kids tonight, but Iíve already seen the hotel reservation for her hookup with the OM. Should I do anything or just let her go?


Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
Ríville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,385
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Originally Posted by curtis7
Originally Posted by Steve85
curtis, remember, believe NOTHING they say and only half of what they do.

So true, she told me she needs to babysit the divorced BFFís kids tonight, but Iíve already seen the hotel reservation for her hookup with the OM. Should I do anything or just let her go?


How old are the BFFs kids?


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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curtis7 Offline OP
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I know confronting her will only make it worse. I have to keep reminding myself that this is her choice and I canít control her. I have to let this run its course and she will either see it for the fantasy it is or she will end up sacrificing her family in the long run.


Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
Ríville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
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Posts: 9,385
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If BFF's kids are similar age, I'd say: "Can you take S8 and D4 over there with you? I have some things I need to do out tonight. I'll be glad to swing by later and pick them back up."


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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