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A Message from Michele
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Re: What do I do? Ignore ? [Re: LH19] #2841415
03/12/19 12:35 PM
03/12/19 12:35 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
J
JimmyRig Offline OP
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JimmyRig  Offline OP
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Posts: 87
I asked the boys last night if anyone would like to take the dog for a walk with all the awesome remaining light now and all. One said yes the other said no who she was cuddling with and then she decides to come.

She has complained recently that she likes when I'm out of the house sailing or running or when she is at work but then has the out to chill wo me but decides to come. Then on the walk I try to ask about a work project and I get a snide snicker and curt answer.

Can't figure it out but never giving up.

Past issues that she has brought up that lead to where we are now is us arguing every couple of months and both of yelling. Nothing vicious just loud voices about what ever it was. She walks away and I follow. Unfortunetly now I know with tone and volume..

Choppy
Originally Posted by LH19
It it password protected? Does she take it in the bathroom with her?



Yes and Yes


Me. 46
Her 37

Years together 10
Married 7.5

Kids 4 and 6
Re: What do I do? Ignore ? [Re: JimmyRig] #2841418
03/12/19 12:45 PM
03/12/19 12:45 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,761
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Steve85 Offline
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Steve85  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,761
Originally Posted by Choppy
I asked the boys last night if anyone would like to take the dog for a walk with all the awesome remaining light now and all. One said yes the other said no who she was cuddling with and then she decides to come.

She has complained recently that she likes when I'm out of the house sailing or running or when she is at work but then has the out to chill wo me but decides to come. Then on the walk I try to ask about a work project and I get a snide snicker and curt answer.

Can't figure it out but never giving up.

Past issues that she has brought up that lead to where we are now is us arguing every couple of months and both of yelling. Nothing vicious just loud voices about what ever it was. She walks away and I follow. Unfortunetly now I know with tone and volume..

Choppy


Trying to figure her out is a fools game. This is why it is important to listen, validate, but be emotionally detached. You need to get to the place where what she does and says has no impact on you. This doesn't happen over night, you have to consciously work on it.


M(50), W(51),D(15)
M-20, T-22 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: What do I do? Ignore ? [Re: JimmyRig] #2841426
03/12/19 01:43 PM
03/12/19 01:43 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 3,019
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LH19 Online
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Originally Posted by Choppy
Originally Posted by LH19
It it password protected? Does she take it in the bathroom with her?

Yes and Yes

That's what I figured. You have a wayward on your hands. Is an affair a deal breaker for you?


M:50 W:45
T:22 M:16
S:14 D:10

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: What do I do? Ignore ? [Re: LH19] #2841432
03/12/19 01:57 PM
03/12/19 01:57 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,761
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Steve85 Offline
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Steve85  Offline
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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Choppy
Originally Posted by LH19
It it password protected? Does she take it in the bathroom with her?

Yes and Yes

That's what I figured. You have a wayward on your hands. Is an affair a deal breaker for you?


Agreed! My W never took her phone to the bathroom with her until her EA started. After it did she always took it to the bathroom. One of the most reassuring things to me is that now she never takes it to the bathroom with her. Change in bathroom behavior is one of the biggest red flags. My W went from never spending more than 5-10 minutes in the bathroom, to spending an hour in the bathroom. Now she is back to short bathroom trips again.


M(50), W(51),D(15)
M-20, T-22 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: What do I do? Ignore ? [Re: LH19] #2841436
03/12/19 02:06 PM
03/12/19 02:06 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
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JimmyRig Offline OP
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JimmyRig  Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
I'm not sure if it is an affair or a deal breaker


Me. 46
Her 37

Years together 10
Married 7.5

Kids 4 and 6
Re: What do I do? Ignore ? [Re: JimmyRig] #2841438
03/12/19 02:14 PM
03/12/19 02:14 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 3,019
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LH19 Online
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LH19  Online
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Posts: 3,019
C,

Do you think if you asked her for her password she would tell you? Is there a reason for her to not allow you access to her phone?

You should probably start to think about whether it is a deal breaker for you and read up on boundaries.

I am really sorry you are going through this right now.


M:50 W:45
T:22 M:16
S:14 D:10

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: What do I do? Ignore ? [Re: JimmyRig] #2841441
03/12/19 02:22 PM
03/12/19 02:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,761
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Steve85 Offline
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Steve85  Offline
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I'd also be very careful about asking for access to her phone at this point. I'd let it lie for now. The truth has a way of revealing itself over time.


M(50), W(51),D(15)
M-20, T-22 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: What do I do? Ignore ? [Re: Steve85] #2841442
03/12/19 02:23 PM
03/12/19 02:23 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
J
JimmyRig Offline OP
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JimmyRig  Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
And how are you doing now?


Me. 46
Her 37

Years together 10
Married 7.5

Kids 4 and 6
Re: What do I do? Ignore ? [Re: JimmyRig] #2841450
03/12/19 03:03 PM
03/12/19 03:03 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,761
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Steve85 Offline
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Steve85  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,761
Originally Posted by Choppy
And how are you doing now?


We have been reconciled for over a year, and our MR is better than it has been at any other point in our history.


M(50), W(51),D(15)
M-20, T-22 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: What do I do? Ignore ? [Re: JimmyRig] #2841452
03/12/19 03:14 PM
03/12/19 03:14 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 1,977
Missouruh
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ovrrnbw Offline
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Missouruh
I take my phone to the bathroom with me all the time. It used to be the paper or a magazine, but now it's a phone. It's more about the secretive, guarded phone behavior than anything. And password protected doesnt necessarily mean anything either bc I have a password to keep strangers out of my phone, not to hide an affair.


H 33
W 28
BD 3/12/18

Married 3 years
Together 7 years

Working on the R and on me - Spring 19
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