Congrats on kicking the drinking habit. That's a feat in itself. Make sure to take those meds if you still need them. Both hypertension and diabetes can take a toll on your body.
Regarding her: she will have moments of clarity, especially if the drama between you two is at a standstill. You are her plan B, and she will reach out to keep you hooked. As for the car: best case--she is genuinely concerned. Worst case--she was snooping through it and had a ready-made excuse in case you found out. Keep your guard up and do not trust much of what she says.
Lastly, the phrase "I don't know if she believed me" should be erased from your vocabulary. Let her mind wander and always say less than necessary.
Continue as you have been. There is no rhyme or reason to their behavior. Sometimes they will do a good deed and that is when you need to recognize that deed and thank them. Other times, well...they can be 2 year olds having tantrums.
Try not to over analyze her every word or action. It will drive you nuts if you do this.
Dig deeper for patience and keep the focus on you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Congratulations on the reduction of needed medication. It’s nice when we see our healthy choices paying off.
Your wife is in crisis, confused and depressed.
You’re not sure she believes you - don’t sweat it. She’s not even sure she believes herself. Back and forth she’ll wavier and ping pong about. One moment she cares about your health, the next she won’t. She’ll worry the car battery will die, help with housework, then go back into the tunnel and be seemly uncaring again.
Keep doing your own thing. She needs space and time. She is trying to figure her stuff out. Remember this is about her, not you.
When she does something nice like telling you about the interior light she shut off - thank her and agree that she saved the battery from going dead.
When she doesn’t believe why you have Viagra - “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m telling you the truth”. Validate her concern, and you can mention that you are telling her the truth. She may listen, she may not; either way you need not explain nor defend too often. That just leads to arguing, and you cannot change her mind, only she can.
You are doing well.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
DnJ and all who have posted recently, I have sent a notification to Virginia that there appears to be an issue with postings showing up on certain threads. One of those threads is this one. Hopefully, the problem will be corrected soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
FYI job if I click on "all" in the list of posts instead of on the name of the thread or a page number the posts show up.
Reply: You should not have to click on "all" in order to have all of the posts show up. You should be able to click on a page number and see the postings on that particular page, i.e., generally the very last page where the new responses are. Virginia will have this looked into, but it is the weekend and the administrators may be off and will look at my email in the morning.
Last edited by job; 11/04/1912:04 AM. Reason: job added a response.
So today is the first court date in our divorce case. She did not agree to the parenting plan my attorney proposed. We were suggesting that we keep everything as is for now. Both living in marital home with kids. Apparently she has had an apartment since July. That explains where the mortgage money has been going.
She wants to move there with the kids. This brings up a lot of confusion for me. If she is in mlc why does she want the kids around? Is she reconnecting with them?
She has been so calm recently I thought that she was not going to pursue D.
I do see signs of her trying to reconnect. I spoke to my attorney about this and he said that we can stretch out D for up to a year in hopes that she will be towards end of mlc.
I really do think she is at the end of replay though. She is so calm and has been for months. She texted me the other day to see if I could pick up stuff from the store for her. The online ea is still around so I know she is still in replay.
I know every mlc is different but I'm hoping she moves beyond replay before D is final. If anyone has had a similar experience please share.
When you have a moment, please try clicking on one of your pages so that we know whether or not your thread is okay.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I had a good day in court yesterday. Wife wanted to move out with kids. Kids stay in marital home until further notice.
Wife must give up apartment and use that money to contribute to family finances.
Her finances are going to be audited. Any money she may have stashed for her exit plan must be brought back to use on family expenses.
When I finally got home last night from my part time job wife spewed a little about how I make too much noise when she was sleeping. I told her that I didn't know it bothered her. I said I would do a better job.
Hopefully yesterday was a wake-up call. She's not going to be able to have her way.
WOW. Wherever you live is nothing like where I live. All anyone cares about here is protecting the man's right to his asset. At least my judge and many of the judges here. Some of the judges here do care about the kids and status quo for them but my judge doesn't care about the kids at all and has never listened to a thing about them. My H has not had to give me a penny or contribute in any way; I have had to pay him every month to keep him out of the house and continue to pay all carrying costs of our debt and mortgage (via rentals and my own wages) and it didn't even all count toward the future settlement. I am a cancer survivor with six jobs and my H works only 6 hours a week for YEARS, has an OW this whole time who is now leaving her H but my judge did not care about the story unless we went to trial. I remember on the first conference, I was pro se, and I said I didn't believe in divorce but either way wanted to first discuss the children and she screamed at me to grow up and sell my house and stop talking about the children unless I had the money to pay for an attorney for them. I am so jealous of you for the judge you have!!!!! You are very lucky.
Just be careful about thinking that anything you do can change this. I see that you are often trying to calculate the effect of your actions. That will never work. You are doing a great job being kind to her and living life but you are still inside the mirrored box I was in for many years, where you secretly think that unlike all the stories you read here, you can figure out which of your actions will result in which of her actions. That is never going to be a consistent thing and will drive you insane. Believe me. Or skim through my threads from my early days! I do not regret anything I did, or most of it, because I am still trying to become who God wants me to be, and that doesn't always align perfectly with DB. But I do wish I had been able to let go of him more fully; I ended up waiting many years trying to be a good wife, until he became so evil that there was no way to hold on to him anymore. It is so clear to me now that all that I read here is right, that you have to let them go completely, and know that even a D does not mean the end forever, it's just the business side.
Last edited by Gerda; 11/06/1902:25 PM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
