How can I get my H to understand our children do not need to be around the ow?
You can't. This is the unfortunate side of S and D is that you can't control what your kids are subjected to when they are with your H unless they are being abused in some way. You can ask your H not to have OW around the kids, but at the end of the day it's his choice. I think this is one of the things people here struggle with the most is that they have to let go of their kids part of the time. You just have to make the best of the time you do have with them and hope your H does the same.
Well its been almost 3 months since the H said he was done. I feel like its been longer but then again it seems like it just happened yesterday. It has gotten easier, but I still cant believe this is happening sometimes or how deep the pain is. But I know me and the kids will get through this and come out the other side better than we were before. I have been on a couple social media pages for divorced woman and some of the woman are still full of pain and anger years later. For me that's motivation to work through this and live the life God has planned for me. If I may ask a question? Do you believe that others can sway your so decisions and choices? I know I should not be thinking about my H or his decisions or what hes thinking but I have to deal with him often because of the kids. We were discussing a bill he wanted me to pay and I asked with what money as I am not receiving child support yet. He thinks I'm trying to screw him somehow, I've been honest with him, I have never yelled at him over any of this, I have access to our joint account and I ask him if I can get groceries for the kids I dont just spend. I know when his weekly check goes in I could have taken money but that's not me nor have I ever been like that. When I ask if he thinks I'm trying to screw him somehow he just keeps saying he doesn't know and so torn an confused at times. I'm not sure how to deal with him, I allowed him to take the kids in my van because he doesn't have a vehicle or carseats that are suitable for kids, to go visit his parents for supper. I wait to hear from him to say when hes coming to see the kids. I finally said I need to know a week ahead of time, days and times. But he still won't be will the kids on a friday or saturday because he thinks I am seeing someone, I'm not. And he feels like a" babysitter", I have told him I try to leave so he can be with the kids without me around he says it doesn't matter if I'm there it doesn't bother him and its not like we talk anyways. I'm not sure what I'm suppose to talk to him about? I try to detach as much as I possibly can, I never call him never text first and only answer him usually one word reply's. As I said I usually leave when hes here, or go exercise or do homework in another room. So what else am I suppose to do? He's been with the ow for a month now. They think they were meant to be together and madly in love. Thanks for any advice?
It's been over 5 months since my husband left. It is true it does get easier. about six weeks after leaving he was living with the OW and her two teenage sons. About 1 month later they are engaged, he has now filed papers for custody, because he's upset I won't allow my children around her. He is also wanting to sell our house and wants us out even though I'm not receiving child support yet. He told me we needed to figure something out because this was causing a wedge between him and the OW! Sometimes he can not even look at me when I speak to him. I can only imagine how much better and stronger I will be in 5 more months. I truly believe this has all happened for a reason and that my children and myself have amazing things waiting for us. I have been told by numerous people one being my counselor that his relationship with the Ow will not last much longer. She's been married 3 times, just moved out of a man's house at the end of 2018 and had a man in January when she was stringing my husband along. My question is have others who have been through this got some comfort or satisfaction knowing their relationship won't last? I feel bad for my feelings, I'm trying to be a good christian but I'm also human? Thoughts?
I love the way you have allowed God to be the cornerstone for what you are going through. Honestly, some points you have made and questions you have asked have come right out of my mouth too!! I would quote you but I don't know how yet.
I am not a vet, but I do think you are doing an amazing job during a terrible situation.
I have hope some days big enough to fill an ocean, but what I do when it worries me is pray. I ask that God would help me put my hope in Him and not in my H.
I have to jump off here, I just finished reading your story and wanted to let you know that you are not alone. In any of this. I will pray for you and your M tonight. And I'm not concerned if I hope that his relationship with OW leaves him miserable. Ha! I pray that God will open his eyes before it's too late, and in the meantime, I pray for peace for you.
It's better when we take our eyes off of them and leave them to their own journey and focus on our own. Detachment isn't giving up, it's letting go. I haven't yet mastered this! But I hope that you get to a point when you realize that you ARE fighting for your marriage. Read the verse about a wife who wants to win over an unbeliever. It's my go-to. It mentions without a word from us. Everyone here will tell you, you can't change them. I read a great post the other day that said "how to save your marriage" and it was this "stop trying to save your marriage" There is so much truth to that.
Hoping you find joy in the days to come and that you are able to focus on what matters. Blessings!!
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Thank you so much for your response. You made me laugh out loud with your comment on his relationship with the other woman. He was here Friday for our oldest son's 5th birthday,I suggested he take the boys for donuts so he did. He was very emotional almost crying when we were discussing if he wanted me to drop the children off at his parents Monday for supper. He does not have a car that can fit three car seats or three car seats. And I will not allow him to have the kids around the ow or her 2 teenage sons that live with them. This is why he has filed custody papers. Prior to this he wasn't able to look at me when I spoke to him for a couple nights. I'm just trying to keep my mind on positive things and remind myself that my children and I will come out of this better then we were before. But man was today a struggle for some reason.
Some days are just like that. Hard. Look up. I was driving home feeling blue and the sermon I was listening to was talking about setting our eyes on things above. It was a very cloudy day, but I looked up. I had to pull over. Among those gray clouds the sun was behind and streams of light were pouring through. I was reminded that God can use what people mean for evil for good.
My H still gets very emotional occasionally. I try very hard not to help him with it and just be kind. What is obvious to us (that they are tearing apart a family and it is grievous and awful) doesn't seem to dawn on them. It's just where he is right now. I like that you offered to help get the children to him. Stay strong!
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
I would love others parents thoughts on this. My 3 children age 5 and under all have pink eye and colds. My H knew I was taking them to the dr Tuesday morning. He never called or text to see how they were feeling or what was wrong. He text this morning asking what is going on, the oldest has t -ball but it looks like rain all day so most likely will be cancelled. I told H all the children have pink eye and colds, he did not ask. So he responded he won’t be out since pink eye is contagious. He never asked if the kids were ok. He is engaged and living with other woman, and he only just left in January. Also every time he leaves and tells the children goodbye he’s very emotional almost in tears or in tears. Thoughts? Wouldn’t a caring father ask about his sick children?
He's not a caring father right now, he's an emotional, unstable, juvenile, selfish mess. That's what being in MLC means. Which doesn't mean he doesn't love them, he just can't be a caring father right now. Plus he probably underneath feels as guilty as sin, rightly.
