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I think if it is important for your kids then yes you should get what is reasonable . Maybe a time to be strong ? Do what works .

Last edited by Tryhard; 03/10/19 12:19 AM.
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Sara79 Offline OP
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Husband came to be with kids when I went to bible study, when he comes over I try to leave or go exercise or something. When I get home tonight he said go take a bath then we need to talk, I said what’s up. He said he’s selling the house and he feels like he’s my babysitter and that I’m controlling his life.. umm what? I don’t ask him about his life nor do I tell him what to do. I explained I try to leave so he can be with the kids alone. He took back that I’m controlling his life but I feel like those words are from the ow. He also said it’s not to hard to figure out that I’m seeing someone. Not so at all, when I have gone out it’s with girlfriends, not that I tell him what I’m doing or with who. I feel like everything he is saying is from someone’s else mouth, he’s easily controlled. Then when I said I don’t know what’s going on in his life, he goes you don’t know we are together and I said no how would I? Although he left me for her 9 weeks ago she had another guy in between that 9 weeks she was with and rejected my h for about a month. I think it’s scares h that I’m moving on and that he thinks I’m with someone else already. It just shows how messed up in the head he is that he’d think I’d even consider another man right now so soon. And with 3 little ones under 4. My priority is my children. Up until this point he’s been paying the bills. So we haven’t discussed child support. He could not afford all the bills and his credit card debit and child support. I do know that the other woman is showing him engagement rings! I think I’ve been living in a bubble my whole life because I’m shocked that there are people like the ow not to mention my H would has set aside any morals he was raised with. Makes me sad😢

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Great news maybe , be the lighthouse. Keep doing what you are doing , it was a wake up call to me when another M was in the picture. He’s made his choice, don’t mind read , keep GAL

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Hi Sara,

he's scared you're seeing someone. That's good.

How do you know the OW is showing him engagement rings? That's crazy. Your H has to be bouncing off the walls with all this turmoil. Hopefully you can be steady.

And he doesn't look at you b/c he know he is being a complete jerk and he is trying to avoid feeling that way, because it would be oh-so-hard for him. It's part of his poor me mentality.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Sara79 Offline OP
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I saw a private message about the engagement ring, not proud of myself but I looked once. When h came to see the kids today he handed me an envelope with some of the tax return. We were also able to talk about visitation. He realizes I’ve been very nice through all of this, I haven’t yelled at him at all or have tried to keep him from his kids. I’ve actually have always tried to be available when he wants to see the kids. Even though he accused me of controlling his life last time we talked because he said I was using him as a baby sitter. They are your children it’s not babysitting. I still pray god is working on him to see his mistakes and leave this ow, who is a horrible person in my opinion. Not that I want h back. We both need to do a lot of work on ourselves. He’s been going to his church for the last 6 Sunday’s so I pray something is happening. I feel like a fool for admitting I still hope he finds himself.

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I admire you for staying strong and doing the right thing . I am not much good at advice but have tried a new hairstyle or new outfit , maybe get the allure going , ask him to look after the kids so you can go out a meet with a friend?

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Sara79 Offline OP
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I already asked if he wanted to see the kids next Saturday because I had plans, and he said he didn’t know and that he might have plans. My opinion is that he’s ok being with the kids when I go to bible study but if he thinks there’s a chance I’m going out with a male which he assumes I am he doesn’t want to “babysit”. ( by the way there is no man)
Not sure why the thought of another man bothers him considering he doesn’t love me🤔. I had to cancel my plans tonight because he wouldn’t agree to be with the children. I was only going shopping with a girl friend for my daughters first birthday. But h thought it was a date.

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Maybe you can arrange for a friend to babysit ? You deserve to get out and about regardless of what he thinks it seems to me

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Well the husband laid an envelope on the counter with my name on it, after asking what it was he said it’s some of the tax return. I guess there’s still a little bit of a decent guy somewhere in there.

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How can a 45 yr old man act like a 12 yr old? Saying you love this other thing and that are grateful for the mistakes that brought you together. It’s getting easier but damn that still hurts. We are the exact opposite, she has been married 3 times 4 kids with different fathers just moved out of a boyfriends in the fall. Then just had a boyfriend after my h left me in January for her, so she strung h along. I do not want my kids around a person like her not to mention she’s smokes which is not accectable around my babies. Do these two cheaters really not think they did anything wrong or that they are going to last? Am I the crazy one, sometimes I really wonder ?

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